Hi everyone,
I can't tell you how incredibly happy I am that I found this site! I spent hours on here lastnight reading through a lot of the postings and cried my eyes out. It was so comforting to find out there are other people like me and even though the "textbooks" say I'm having a normal reaction, I now know that I'm not alone.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD and depression and currently I'm afraid to go out of my house most days.
My traumatic event happened at work just over a year ago... I was covering reception (not even my regular job), when a man came into my office threatening me that he had a gun. What ensued from there I'm not quite sure, but apparently I talked the guy down to the point where the cops weren't even called until the next day. No one saw the gun, not even me and because he didn't have one registered to his name, no charges were laid, but no one can take away the fear that man instilled in me that day.
That night my boss told me to write out a statement, stating "verbatim" everything that happened and it was during that time that what I've now come to know as PTSD, started to take hold. I spent hours trying to remember what happened and as I typed and re-typed, my anxiety level started to sky-rocket! I was afraid to go anywhere near my work the next day, but did, only to be sent home. It seems I had "changed" over night and needed to go and see my Doctor.
Since then I have been in treatment, but with each "trigger," I feel I have taken two steps backwards and I have become very skeptical that anyone can help me. Through all this therapy, I have been requesting to go into group therapy because I believe knowing there are actually people like me out there, would make me feel somewhat normal. But I have been lied to and have been told that it will only harm me. It seems all they want to do is fill me full of anti-depressants and because I don't want to take them, it is my fault, I'm not moving forward.
I like the rest of you, have had friends and family tell me to just get over it and because of that, I have become quite a loner. Although I have a boyfriend that is incredibly supportive and two daughters (17 & 23) that are trying really hard to understand why the mother that "never took shit from anyone" is afraid of her own shadow.
So, that's the short form of my story and before I bore the heck out of you, I will sign off. But before I do, I want to tell you how happy I am to have come across this site and I look forward to speaking with all of you!

Welcome Melody,

I am glad you found us also. Hopefully we will be able to help you in your(our) struggle to cope with PTSD.

-DD

Welcome Melody. There is a wealth of information on this site about natural remedies to help with the symptoms of PTSD. Maybe some of them will help you?

I'm sorry such a shocking thing happened to you. I can't believe the cops weren't called!!!!! Wow. I think that your symptoms would be less if the guy was in jail. He's out there and you know it, and it's making your body react just the same as if he was in front of you holding that gun.

May I ask what he wanted?

Welcome Melody, Happy you found this forum. I know how excited you must be knowing you're not alone. I too feel this way. Not bored in the least bit. Glad your with us. Hope you stay with us. Lots of additional support here. Some of the best! Know exactly the difficulty in remem. trauma, sometimes impossible ...and 'verbatim' for cryin' out loud. Lots more hope for you Melody. Your doing it, reaching out, GREAT! I've been an outgoing person trapped in a loner mind-set for yrs. Always has felt unnatural to me. Difference is I didn't receive help and you can. I'll be bold in saying, We all want change and hope for You and your family. Wishing you the best.

Thank you (all of you) for your support - I can't tell you how much it means to me!
In response to your question Nam... The guy that does our collections - funny it's not OUR collections, I haven't been back to work and don't believe I can ever go back there - was hounding this guy for money. He (the gunman)apparently had lost everything; his business, his wife and his house and couldn't pay us and I guess he was at the end of his rope.
And yes, it is hard. The psychologists that I have seen have told me that he's probably not even thinking about me anymore and probably wouldn't even recognize me, but I need a guarantee on that. And I know there are no guarantees in life, but this is one I need. The worst thing is, he's not the only thing that scares me anymore - I'm just plain scared. Scared to walk across the street to check my mail, scared to go to the grocery store, scared to go out for the beloved walks I used to go on everyday, scared to visit familly and friends, the list is endless. I see negativity in everything and I used to always be the most positive person, and I'm not sure how to get my life back. Everyone just keeps telling me to get over it and there are times when I tell myself that all of this is just a bad dream and when I open my eyes, it will be over. But then I try to go out and the anxiety starts; I start to sweat profusely, I feel sick to my stomach, my heart starts to race, I get pains in my chest, I start to envision all the bad things that could happen if I do go out and I just talk myself out of it. Avoidance? Yes. My enemy? So I'm told. Too bad I can't seem to get past my enemy.

You will in time. This board has does wonders with helping me get a grasp and push myself where needed and can probably do the same for you if you are ready for your life back. It is in you and you can do it. As far as the anti-depressants I don't like them (I don't any of us really do) but many of us have to take them to get our minds to a state where we can start to heal, not fix it for us. And as Nam pointed out there are plenty of natrual alternatives too. Welcome aboard.

Hi Melody!

Welcome to the family; we're glad you're here.

I completely understand what you mean when you say you are just plain scared. My brother was one of the main perpetrators of my abuse and I currently don't know where he is (he was in prison, but has been released - YIKES!). Don't know what I'd do if I were to see him...but I try not to dwell on it.

Feel free to rant and rave all you want. I may be going out on a limb here, but I'd venture to say there's very little you will tell us that someone on the board hasn't also experienced and very little will shock us too. So just let it out! You'll find that talking to someone about it, even if it's through a computer, will help you feel like you've lifted a weight off your shoulders.

Kim

hi melody, welcome!

i was struck by the simiarities of your situation to mine, i was threatened by a guy who had a knife, and the fear i get incase he is nearby can get pretty intense too. i also project those feelings onto other people and situations, scared to go out, staying away from friends etc. it's like you were in my mind when you described your symptoms!
You said you have spent time looking at the site so you've probably realised that the being scared and anxiety are pretty common here, so feel free to vent and share you feelings and thoughts, you're among friends here that get where your coming from, and although ptsd is difficult there are coping methods and tecniques that can help you feel more in control. Hang in there,

Hi Melody,

This is a great site as you can see you are not alone here:)

Welcome Melody! I too was put in fear for my life and I know what that can do to a person. I wasn't able to leave my bed or drive my car for almost four months. I think for me that was just what I needed to do, don't let anyone tell you what is right for you and your recovery. There are a lot of people here who know what you are going through, "listen" to the advice they give you and find what works for you. Most importantly don't be hard on yourself or have expectations, you will get through this!