goingonhope,

It's definitely comforting to know that others go through precisely the same thing I do. It makes me feel more sane, that's for sure. As far as what 'action' to take to cause it to subside to some degree, I can't honestly say I could even take that step without therapy first.... Primarily due to the physical symptoms that instantly occur the moment the phone rings or there's a knock at the door (major tmi there, so I'll keep this to myself, haha!) most of the time.

So I take comfort in knowing I have you and everyone else to talk to, vent to, even if it's just finding out if anyone else goes through the same things as I do. Cause sometimes it feels I'm losing it LOL!

Speaking of therapy, I gotta call them in 10 minutes to see about the intake I need. lol @ my self reminders I'm always posting on this forum! Hey, it works! =P

I do appreciate, however, the suggestions. Even if they're something I've already tried, at some point, a suggestion will pop up that I haven't yet tried, so I appreciate all of them =)

sometimes the phone rings when i'm relaxed (?) like watching telly & i jump so bad. it's that 'unexpected noises' stuff for me, and it's very rare you EXPECT a phonecall. often get very shaky & tearful after, heart beating hard etc.

Relaxed, you say? I know I'm unable to relax precisely because if I do, I will feel and if I feel, I will suddenly experience very bad emotions, especially "dread." Anything can be a trigger--like the phone ringing. It's too intense so I invariably turn the feelings off and remain in that half-dead, half-hypervigiliant state which prevents me from enjoying or succeeding at, life.

Edit:

Just recalled--the phone ringing or someone knocking at the door have been particularly problematic for me any time I begin to relax because it's a sudden, unexpected invasion of my space by another. When I relax, which is very rare, I let the walls down. The walls are there not just because I have been hurt by people but because the me behind those walls (and there are several layers of walls, each protecting an increasingly more vulnerable, real me) is unacceptable. It is like being emotionally naked. So when I'm relaxed and am surprised by the sudden possiblity of interacting with another (human interaction always involves emotions on some level) I'm afraid--afraid of being shamed and hurt--and I always quickly "cover up". Anyway, that's me.

On my first session with the counsellor I'm now seeing, he asked me what goals I wished to achieve through counselling. I replied "rest when I sleep, the ability to relax, and the ability to walk down the street or buy a pop, or stand in line at the bank without feeling like I am being crushed by the gazes of other, or that I am going to fly out of my skin". I too envy those who can do mundane, everday things without feeling like they're going on a quest to destroy the One Ring.

I hear you!

OMG, I have never seen such an apt description of how I feel. LOL, way to go!!

Bec

Very big ditto!