Pretty much.

I have spent a lot of time and energy on my situation. I fully expect to spend a lot more.

At the moment my nightmares/sleep issues are worse (although I expected this to some degree as I am making changes in my life and also dealing with stuff that I put off- so to speak).

But there are other things that are better. My depression has lifted quite a bit and I find it easier to pull myself out of it when I do feel it coming on. On days that are triggers (such as babies B-days) I allow myself to feel depressed or sad until 12:00 am. No exceptions.

I make it a point to get out of the house a lot. I take the dog out, visit friends, go fishing, etc... I am also working on going back to school. My friends all know about my issues and have no problem letting me know if I seem to be slipping.

I don't think my methods are perfect but I have made significant improvement over the last couple of years, mostly on my own. Two years ago I would have never have been able to do any of this and rarely left the house. But I can always use more info and ideas.

As far as my friend goes. Well... what can I say. He is a mess. I don't think he talks about this with others and I have know idea how it was that we connected.

As I have said I do not want to fix him. Don't think I can. But I think that he needs info if nothing else (even if it does just get filed away for use at a later time). He does not have a computer (so he can not check out this site at he moment) and spends most of his time working. When he comes home he plays video games and drinks until he can fall asleep. Said that if he does not drink for a couple of days the nightmares come back.

His suicide comment really scared me (particularly since it was so unexpected). I feel sort of bad for saying this because I understand his feelings and fears but to tell you the truth there are a lot of times when I want to shake him and say "what the F*** are you doing". Given the fact that he is a very direct person (who made me promise to always be honest with him) who frequently does not let me get away with avoiding stuff because it is easier I am not sure it would be out of line.

But I do not want to say anything that would make the situation worse.

I know he loves his kid a great deal. All a person has to do is see them together to know that. But we all know that an alcoholic parent, leading an alcoholic lifestyle will mess a kid up no matter how well intentioned they are. Not to mention the fact that this baby was born addicted to alcohol. What are her chances if she watches him drown his problems in booz every night.

Anyway do I get to shake him or do I have to suger coat it? Even if it does no good at the moment I feel like I have to say something to him. I can not call myself his or his baby's friend if I don't. And no one else will.

Ok, firstly... I think we both know that sugar coating anything for a person with PTSD is more insane, than sane. I see people come here saying they need tact, sympathy and gentleness, when in fact they just don't respond to it. I don't believe any of us do, because PTSD just doesn't work that way. If we can't get the information as short, sharp and too the point as possible, PTSD hinders the processing ability for us. Pull no punches I say.

Now, my opinion of you both chating about your lifes traumas! Well, I think I need to expand a bit on Boo's version, a bit more how I perceive it. I believe that two people with PTSD actively talking about thier trauma/s is the best damn thing you could ever do, well done to you both. I think it has a lot to do with your improvements. However, this is not sufficient enough for you both IMHO, because whilst talking to one another about your trauma's is therapeudic to say the least, and you get that level of understanding on the receiving end, neither of you are getting the appropriate feedback from the other in regard to how to really fix the issues, or another way, how to implement effective strategies and resolve to your feelings.

Yes, now that gets into what your asking really, however the problem with this, is that for you to really give him knowledge alone is useless to him, because his PTSD won't accept it. Giving him reading, giving him documents, etc etc... won't do anything, because his PTSD is far too much in control opposed to your own. Whilst your doing a great job with yourself, you will still not fully recover to be honest if your not getting the feedback you need in regard to emotions, understanding them, accepting them, self esteem, trauma associations and relationships.... we can heal ourselves and continue in society, but unless we get fundamental information fed back to us specific to our own issues, we will continue to relapse time and time again in rapid doses, ie. not every 10 years, more like two or three times a year, severe relapses.

The best thing I guess you could to help him, not fix him as you say, is read as much information in this forum as possible, even go and get yourself two very helpful books in regard to PTSD, being "I Can't Get Over It" and "The PTSD Workbook", as these two books will give you meaning, understanding, self help exercises, all of which you can impart on him during your conversations, so not only are you now getting an understanding of what to do, and not do, in regard to resolving feelings, but you are then going to naturally bring these different aspects of thought and perception into your conversations with him, which means that he will begin seeing more realistic resolve to his daily concerns, opposed to the typical negative thinking styles PTSD invokes upon us, "never" "can't" "what if" etc etc etc.

Thanx for the titles. I will make a trip to the bookstore on payday.

I have always felt like I was just barely "hanging on" and always wondered what it would take to push me completely over the edge (although I now think I have been there a few times and was too stubborn to admit it) and when it would happen.

Sometimes it seems like the most exhausting part of all of it was pretending that everything was ok. Although everyone in my family was/is pretty messed up it was never ok for me to be. I had to be the strong one.

Keeping the mask in place took the most energy because it was so false. For all that the world saw my stength on the inside I was a boiling pot of insecuries and pain. I could not allow myself to heal because to do that would mean that I had to admit that I was weak. And weak is bad. It doesn't survive.

Yep, you hit it on the head Jet. You have healed yourself to a point, but the mask still exists to a point also, because until you get down to the emotional level, logical reasoning and so forth of your own trauma, symptoms will still exist and fight against you constantly, regardless how much you talk about all your trauma/s, until you pull them apart and find that reasoning, logic, and understanding the emotional impact, PTSD will still remain quite intact, and control to a point.

Quite honestly, I think the best way for you to help your friend, is to help yourself during your friendship, thus you can use your learning skills to implement upon your friend; as I elude though, not as a fix, but more ensuring he has the information himself and the person to help him see reason to his feelings, why things occur, the emotions involved and how to heal them... and just be doing what your both doing, you will both end up out the other side of PTSD with lesser loose ends.

You personally in that your here on this forum, could come out with no loose ends if discussed here, as we can help you discover yourself further, which means maybe you will do the same with your friend.

The books though.... if a choice comes down too it, get the "I Can't Get Over It" first, the workbook second. At some point though Jet, your friend must standup and be counted, actively making a decision to get better, because a person can only heal so far, which isn't that far in regard to PTSD, without making that active decision backed by will, strength and self determination to fight PTSD. These are inner core abilities required to really push the mind and body past the pain that is going to be surfaced in order to get into the root of the problems.

Hi Jet. You might try to see if your local library has copies of the books Anthony mentioned. You could check them out and read them w/o having to actually purchase them. If you like them you could then go out and buy them.

Just a thought!

Good luck!

I know. I have spent a long time trying hard not to look at everything (whatever it all is). Always felt like if I looked to closely that it would somehow break me into pieces.

And since it has always been me alone, that prospect was kinda scary. Knew that if I broke there was no one there to even notice. Until recently I have not cried in years (did not when my dad died, I was 10, or when I gave up my girls).

Now I can't seem to stop. But I feel somewhat better afterwards so I am trying not to freak out. I am also writing a lot more lately. Almost like I am not even thinking about it, it's just there. When I re-read my journal nothing in it even sounds like the me I know. Way too much feeling and lots of pain.

As far as my friend goes, well, I honestly do not know. He is strong (aren't we all - to have simply survived this long) but I know he is scared also. He recognizes that he has serious problems and even what most of them are. I do not think that he realizes that his core trauma is the childhood abuse as opposed to his combat experience but that will come.

He has talked about having to kill "kids" and about trying to stop the bleeding of one but being unsuccessful. Says that all he sees is his "round baby face and his fingers in the kids neck wound, trying to stop all the blood"


Still what made me worry was his suicide comment. He jumped on that so quick. My question to several friends at the time was... What would you think if you were talking to someone (who has our type of issues) and when you asked them if they would be ok (as you were getting ready to leave) their immediate response was to say (angrily) what do you think, I am going to commit suicide or something? The answers I got were all the same as mine. Now I do.

Nice job reflecting on yourself Jet:claps: What do you see as your next step forward?
~Boo

Not a damn clue. Ok, I am looking into seeing a counselor. I have the feeling that this is going to get ugly and maybe some additional support would be useful.

Other then that I will continue to do what I am doing until I figure out the next step.

I will continue to work on my spiritual path
I will make myself get up and do things- even and maybe especially if I do not want to ( such as going to the freaking dentist - I HATE THE DENTIST)
I will make it a point to take care of me
I will write and then write some more
I will read books for fun and for information
I will do volunteer work - because it helps me to not focus on me and what is going on in my head every minute of every day and because I believe that we are all responsible for the planet we live on and all her inhabitants.
I will work on talking nice to myself instead of beating myself up over every little thing

I will NOT cut myself
I will NOT consider suicide as a reasonable option -when I re-read my journal after the crying jag on the front stairs the other day something that surprised me was the sentence " I considered killing myself for the first time in a long time. I rejected the idea" I don't remember thinking it and I don't remember writing it (I was really upset and don't honestly remember most of what I wrote as the thoughts and words came kind of quick) but obviously it was there.

Jet, all I can say is, well done. You are doing everything right, all positive steps in helping yourself, which means you will be much better to help your friend. I think the counsellor is needed to help you face your fears, and gain that valuable face to face feedback required during sessions.

I have no doubt, that if you keep your positive attitude and outlook, continue learning and educating yourself about all facets in regard to PTSD and its symptoms, you will come through this quite fast, enabling you to better help your friend along the way.

You see, I see it like this... as you learn, and then discuss with your friend with PTSD, he will also learn, thus the two of you will continue to unravel your deeper emotive levels, find solutions and realism to your reasoning, and both become stronger people... enough so hopefully, that during your own education, your friend will get enough from you to finally take the step to help himself more positively than he is currently.

I would love to see your friend here also.... but one is better than none. I really do give you huge credit Jet for your excellent strength and work in wanting to get better, and help your friend who is suffering some what more so. Huge pats on the back for you...

Thanx. I am trying. It is an odd thing. In some ways PTSD makes perfect sense to me. When it belongs to someone else.

When I talk to my friend about his issues or the issues of his wife it is all logical. But when it is me all of the emotional crap... the guilt, the self-loathing always gets in the way.

I have patience for others problems but none for my own. I am absolutely terrified of this. But I no longer wish to live this way. I am tired. It is time to sink or swim. So I am choosing to swim.