Thanks, Kerrie-Ann. I know exactly how your friend feels. It does feel like "babysitting" sometimes. I wish I could go back to the days when I just assumed that our cash flow was ok and didn't worry about it, but if my wife starts to lose control of her spending again I need to know it before it becomes serious. I too hated to cut my wife's access to the credit cards and periodically check her credit report, but I neither of us saw any other choice.

By keeping an eye on things, we've caught a few "relapses" before they became a real problem, and she got the help she needed to deal with them. I've learned that the best approach is to meet the issue head on, knowing that there will be that initial arugment when I bring it up. It's not fun, and it's often very discouraging, but it's worked for the last few years. I just have to take it one day at a time, I think, and face the fact that it will continue to be an issue for us. If I can do that, I think we'll be able to keep things under control. Keeping my frustration level down is the hardest part.

Thanks again for sharing her story. It helps to know that others in the same situation see the options the same way that I do. Before finding these forums, I couldn't hlep but wonder sometimes if I was handling it the right way or not.

Rick

Rick,

I am not sure if there really is a right or a wrong way to deal with the issues that PTSD brings. You are doing the best you can and that is really all that can be asked of you. Like I said, its not up to you to work your ass off only to see it being blown away on rubbish. You do get tired of the same old fights over the same old stuff though. I know that only too well.

Hi! This is my first post. I have been married to a wonderful woman for 9 yrs. Three years ago, she put herself in treatment due to being afraid she would hurt herself. She was dxed with PTSD, from childhood abuse.
I'm a simple fella, but being scared for my best friends life I began to learn all that I could about this disorder.
It's really nice to find a place where I can go and be heard and vent and maybe get some advise with what to do next. The money thing got out of hand many times, but slowly we are paying it down.. When I have to, I take the checkbook away, she has already given up any credit cards. (a little late, oh, well...) She has a undergrad degree in psy, and is so smart and talented but can't seem to get it together because of the hurt.
I love this woman dearly. It can be so hard seeing her hurt and not being able to protect her from the pain. I take my job as husband very seriously and would destroy any enemy that would try to hurt my wife. PTSD is like warring with ghosts. The purps that hurt her are long gone to judgement but that changes nothing.
Well, now that I have vented, thankyou before hand for listening.

Wayne

Hi Wayne, welcome to the forum. Mate, you just shine through as a very loveing and support husband, and that you must be proud. There are plenty of spouses here, and lots of advice and information. Look forward to catching up with you more.

RT, Maybe you can laugh at this w/me: my hubby (w/PTSD) literally told me NOT to say "Good Morning" or "Have a good day" as he was leaving for work. So every day I'd tell him "Have a shitty day!"
To curb our spending, we cut up the cards and went to a strictly cash basis. It takes a bit more effort; but no more than trying to keep up w/balances on several accounts. We pay the bills from the checking acct w/one name on it, and you pretty much know if she or you are going to need cash (& how much) for the next few days. It's been a big change for us; but it has kept us out of trouble.
Welcome to the site-- we're glad to have you! There are a great many wonderful people here, even if you just need to talk or vent.

Wayne, with your permission, I'd like to include an exerpt from your post:Your words are eloquent and heart-breaking. You've written about your wife everything I feel and have been trying to say about my husband (in different threads). Thank you.
You're right, of course. We're battling ghosts that will never be brought to judgement for what they've done to the ones we love. We are left only to pick up the pieces, help put them back together and watch as they heal.

But here we can heal, too. And learn. There are a great many wonderful people here who understand, and are willing to share what they have learned. They have become an extended family of sorts for me. Welcome.

Tig and Antony,
Thanks for the welcome! I feel better just having told how I feel and what we all have to deal with. I know that my wife has a very hard time dealing with her problems and I don't feel good about adding to her burden by telling her about mine, so get ready! You all may hear all about it!
I thank God every day that she has a good sense of humor and is a strong woman. This PTSD might have destroyed a weaker person, but not her!

Hang in there!

Wayne

Hi Waynes
Welcome you will find a lot of help here on the spouses forum. If I hadnt stepped in when my hubby started blowing all our money when we bought our small business at the start of the year we would be in a lot of poo and there would have been no Merry Xmas!
I found I just had to step in and take over our finances which was new to me but he had a breakdown so it had to be done. I know what you mean about not adding to her burden my hubby cant seem to cope with me talking to much about his problems and mine so this is a good place to just sit and type it helps you know.
Jen

RT,

Seems like it's been a while since any one posted here.. after reading a bunch of the posts something occurred to me...It seems that no one has suggested that a 3rd party help out and control finances...like a trust fund type thing or a mutually agreed up on person that doesn't get anything out of it from either of you, but that understands the problem... Maybe that would derail anger being directed at you, as being controlling. Maybe what I am suggesting wouldn't help at all. I just don't really know. I have never tried it. I have heard of it being used in nasty divorce cases.. etc.

I'm the spouse of a PTSD sufferer. He doesn't go crazy with the money. Not that we have any...We barely can pay bills with what we have. He gets upset w/me because I rarely spend any money on myself.. I perfer to buy for others..
My oldest brother has severe PTSD from nam.. his plane crashed there, etc. was shot at by snipers, agence orange, etc. He has suffered for yrs. He fights manic depression, etc. Thankfully he gets help thru the VA. It's been a tuff rd for him. He lost it yrs ago... was in a mental hospital for several weeks. Off and on over the yrs, he has signed himself in at the encouragement of his psych. For a long time everyone just said he was "crazy". His kids help him now (his wife died 8-10yrs ago). He has always had $$ problems..
Like someone else said "there are no easy answers", JUst tough questions!

Vent here like the rest of us, You aren't alone...

hugs to you & yours.

Take care

D (wildcritter)