Hey, my name's Christiey. I've been suffering from complex ptsd for over a year now. Just lately, it has gotten worse. To the point of me pushing everyone that I really care about. Especially if they are a guy. I was sexually abused for 8 years, sexually assaulted by a cousin at age 12, and raped by a boyfriend at age 13.
I came by this forum because I was looking for a way to make my guy friends understand without telling them everything. But, I've been unable to. It's like my disorder reacts for me sometimes. For instance, a guy friend can try to hug me (and before I started getting worse, I would hug them) but now I automatically back away from them. I don't even like shaking hands with a guy.. basically anything that requires physical contact. But, I want to. I know it's ok for me to, but then again, my ptsd reacts for me. And I am left feeling like an idiot because I see the hurt on their faces. Especially the ones I was extremely close to.
And secondly I came to hopefully try to understand myself and just have a place to go to where other people know to an extent of what I'm going through.

-christiey-

Hi christiey, and welcome to the forum. There are a lot of understanding people here.

Hi Christy. Welcome to the forum.

If you've read some of the posts, you found that you are not alone; if you haven't read the posts, try it as there are many on this board that experienced abuse as a child (I did).

Glad to have you here!

Hey, Christie! welcome, look around, make yourself at home.

Hi christie, welcome aboard and glad you found us. Yep, there are certainly alot of people here who have been abused as a child, sexually assaulted and raped, unfortunate as it is in the traumatic aspect, it is good to know you have people who have suffered what you have, so they can relate to those aspects. The PTSD... well, we all know what that is about.

Hello Christiey! ... And Welcome! You might very well be surprised with how many here do know what you're going through to a greater extent than you have yet to see. I absolutely love this forum and the knowledge, sanity, and great support I find in it. Hope you stay around, look and continually find the motivation and what it is you need to take control of your PTSD. Just one very special thing it's doing for me, already, almost regularly it's beginning to allow me to think far more intell., (once I get through whatever it is for that period of time,) I can actually speak what it is I'm trying to say, before I could barely talk if it had anything to do with me. (ie. how I feel or think, what I believe in or don't, what I want or don't want, what bothers me or doesn't, what I can handle or can't..ect. ect.) It was as if, people would just look at me like I was slow, or numb. Now, at times, it feels as if they look at me in wonderment. I'm neither numb or slow, I've just been cornered and trapped by too many fears and anxieties for too long.

Again, Welcome Aboard and hope we all here more from you.

Hello Christiey, we are glad to have you here. It is a good place to lay your burdens down and get advice and encouragement from others who have walked down your path.

Hi Christie

Welcome Everybody here is really great and supportive, There is so much info links and peoples advice here. Take your time.
Joannag

Hey Christiey,

Welcome to the forum.

Hi christie;

Welcome, as you can see there are people who care.