What does forgiveness have to do with pain? Our mental anguish can be a life sentence when we hold a grudge against someone who has caused us pain. We are often told that we need to forgive to move forward. Yet, how do we do that and what is forgiveness? We must work through our trauma (are you getting sick of hearing this yet?) through which we will work towards forgiving.

This definition of forgiveness is according to Claudia Black, Ph.D.

Forgiveness

Before forgiveness of others is truly possible, you must own what happened to you. You must acknowledge the losses, feel the feelings.

Forgiveness is not:

Forgiveness is not forgetting.
Forgiveness is not condoning.
Forgiveness is not absolution. They are still responsible for what they did to us.
Forgiveness is not a form of self sacrifice.
Forgiveness is not never again being angry about the abuse.
To forgive is not a clear cut, one time decision.

Forgiveness is:

Forgiveness is recognizing we no longer need grudges and resentments, our hatred and self pity.
Forgiveness is no longer wanting to punish the people who hurt us.
Forgiveness is what happens naturally as a result of confronting past painful experiences and healing old wounds.
Forgiveness is an internal process. It happens within.
With forgiveness, we no longer build an identity around something that happened to us in the past.
Forgiveness is remembering, and letting go.

Bec