Hi. I'm batgirl, and I'm glad to have found this forum. I've been lurking for a few days, but I finally found the courage to join and post.

On January 24, 2001, my father shot his girlfriend, my little brother and me, then turned the gun on himself. I got shot in the stomach, but I was somehow able to call for help before I passed out. I was the only survivor... my father, his girlfriend, and my brother all died at the scene. My father was in the military and was on a stress leave when the shooting occurred.

I was living on the base with my dad and brother at the time of the shooting, but as soon as I was discharged from the hospital, I took off, and didn't tell anyone where I was going. I moved to a different part of the country and I have never gone back. People who knew me before have tried to contact me, but I avoid them all. It justs hurts too much to be around them. I even changed my last name and got an unlisted phone number so no one could find me.

I tried going to university, but I kept thinking other students were carrying concealed weapons, and I was always getting startled by noises and people appearing from around corners. Sometimes I would startle so bad that I fainted, and sometimes I felt like the shooting was happening all over again, it was so real, even while I was awake. After dropping out of school I tried several times to get and keep a job, but I suffered similar symptoms, plus I wasn't sleeping well. Finally I saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with PTSD. I have been on and off several meds, and had CBT for a year. The CBT has helped with some of my symptoms, but I still have nightmares almost everytime I go to sleep (including naps!), still startle easily and space out. I have trouble trusting people, so obviously I don't make friends easily and spend much time alone.

I'm currently looking for a part time job that I can handle, and I'm thinking about going back to school in 2007. I'm really enjoying reading on this forum, I relate to a lot, so thanks!

Batgirl, my heart goes out to you! You have a lot to handle. I don't have any real words of wisdom for you as I am new to this forum myself. I am praying that you will find peace and hope in your life with continued treatment. We are all here for you and are praying for your recovery.

Batgirl, welcome to the forum and so glad you did find us, and very happy you decided to say hi. I have no idea how you feel in relation to being shot under those circumstances obviously, and I am so sorry that such a thing occured to you and your families life. I do know and understand the symptoms though that your suffering. That is a truely terrible thing to happen to any person, and I really do feel for you about the circumstances and event itself.

Do you know why your father went of the rails? Could I guess he most likely had PTSD unknowingly, hence the suicide and shootings?

batgirl, So very glad you found and joined us. Welcome! Do identify with your PTSD and symptoms....as you've stated. The cause is different, but the PTSD the same. Again, Welcome. And, hey, stick around with us. Certain you must have had to be an incredibly strong individual, and Sane to make it this far, despite anything and everything you might add to the contrary. Don't know you, but feel as if I do. Bless you. and.....please jump right in and immerse yourself. Look forward to hearing from you.

Hey batgirl, glad you found us.

We don't bite and I haven't threatened to eat anyone here yet, so we are a friendly bunch.

jokes aside, I hope you can heal some here.

Hey batgirl, welcome aboard. Like your nic. Implies incognito but a sense of empowerment and just. You are a strong one for sure, hope you stick around and find some guidance.

sorry you went through all that, but this is the place to come for help! welcome.

Hey Batgirl,

Welcome to the forum. Lots of help, support and sometimes even laughs to be had here. I hope you find the help and support that you need to heal.

Hi Batgirl,

Lots of help and info here, hope you find what your looking for here, I sure did.

In retrospect yes I think he must have had PTSD, especially after I learned what the symptoms were and had it myself, I remember him having some of those symptoms, too. But at the time, the shooting was a total surprise. He had been depressed and drinking more, but he was never violent with us. He was part of the UN peacekeeping forces, and was posted in several places during my childhood. He always seemed really happy when he came home, happy to be with us again, until he came back from Rwanda. He didn't seem like the same person after Rwanda, but he still worked. Kosovo was the last place he served, and after that he had the stress leave.

I guess it's probably normal, but I alternate between hating him and feeling badly for him. Mostly hating him, but I do feel his pain sometimes. I avoid movies about war and don't watch the news, as I always imagine my father in the situation and then I feel awful for hating him.

Thanks so much (to everyone!) for the welcome and understanding. This seems like a really great forum.