Thanks veiled... I never thought about the incognito part, but that's true as I don't tell many people what happened to me, or who I really am. Actually I relate to Batman a lot... after seeing the various movies (especially Batman Begins) and reading some comics when I was younger, I think Batman must have had PTSD too. Plus his family was killed in front of him, just like mine.

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Batgirl,

Often 'UN peacekeeping' is a contradiction in terms. Sure the media portrays it one way but, generally the environment that troops are initially deployed into is anything but peaceful. Its a fallacy that because you were not in a designated war zone as such that nothing traumatic happens. Rwanda particularly has a nasty reputation for military personnel returning with PTSD and we have a number of Aussie veteran's from that campaign with this illness. In fact there was a prominent Canadian leader, who wrote a book 'Dance With the Devil' or something like that, who acquired PTSD from Rwanda. I started to read the book but it was too much for me as PTSD is so close to home. As for topping Rwanda off with a deployment to Kosovo, its almost a dead cert that your Dad had PTSD.

I am sorry for your trauma. Its a sad legacy that a man who was serving his country ends up with PTSD and leaves his child with that illness as well. I could never imagine myself how it must feel for you. I hope that within this community you can begin the process of healing. Take care of you.

Welcome Batgirl. So sorry this happened to you and I hope that you will find peace and confidence again. What kind of support system do you have? Do you have any friends that can help you? (Besides us, of course! Cause now you're one of us!) Find a job is difficult but I hope the best of luck for you. Welcome aboard.

hey, batgirl-welcome to the forum. this is the place to be if you want to get better.

That's so true! It used to really bother me... people I knew who were not from the base and not army brats, made comments that my dad had it easy never being in a "real war".

Do you mean General Dallaire? That's who my dad served under in Rwanda. I had a chance to hear him speak once but I couldn't stay for the whole talk, it was so awful. There was also a documentary about him and Rwanda, but again I couldn't get through it. I can't imagine reading a book by him, at least not yet. And I agree, I think my dad had PTSD. I think it more and more as I read more about it. I'm just sorry he didn't get help for it. Actually it makes me angry... he was on a stress leave, so you'd think the military docs would have done something to help him. Or maybe they were trying and I didn't know about it? I'm not sure.

Thank you. I do hope it gets better! I'm glad to have found this site.

Thanks Nam. I don't have as good a support system as I would like. My psychiatrist, who I was able to do some really good work with, retired a few months ago. He and his wife (who worked with him in his office), keep in touch with me as friends, but they have moved to another part of the country as part of their retirement. I call them sometimes, but it's not the same as having someone nearby. The therapist who I did CBT with also retired from the health region, and is now in private practice, which I can't afford. I was referred to other people, a new psychiatrist and therapist, but I have issues with trust and so far haven't been able to connect with a new counselor. My family doctor just referred me to another psychiatrist who she thinks I might be able to connect with, but there is a wait of about 2 months. At least I do have my family doctor who has taken on many psychiatric patients because of the shortage of psychiatrists here. She lets me see her whenever I like (I generally see her about once a month).

As far as friends go though, I don't really have any here. My best friend, who I grew up with, is also an army brat, but she married a guy in the service, so of course she is now on another base quite far from here. We talk on the phone and chat on the internet regularly, but I haven't seen her for 3 years. She worries about me a lot and wants me to move close to them, even live on the base with them, but because of what happened I won't go anywhere near a base now.

That's it. I really have no friends here. I feel like such a loser in that department. But I don't know how to meet people anymore, and I don't know what to say when people ask me about my family. I feel like I'm different from everyone else and don't fit in. Maybe though I will read some stuff on the site that will help. I'm really hoping so.

The name of the book is Shake hands with the Devil.

Oh thanks Farmer. I'll keep it in mind if I ever feel ready to read it. Thanks also for your earlier welcome. I appreciate it. I am stressing about whether or not I should be thanking everyone individually, bleah.

Don't woory about it there are so many here now it's hard to keep up.

I remember seeing that book when it first came out and interviews with the Gen. and thinking even then about the soldiers coming home from that hell and how they and thier families were going to cope.

Those of us who have no experiance with the Mil. should read books like that and not rely on the media's and Gov. slanted views of what peacekeeping is about.

I have not read the book, but I might try someday.

Any way I hope things get better in your new home, and don't worry the friends will come:)

Thanks Farmer. Yeah the media doesn't portray things the way they are for people in the military, that's for sure! It never bothered me much before my dad's breakdown but of course it does now. I hope you're right about the friends coming haha. I don't have a lot of energy to go out actively looking for them right now.