I had/still have huge problems with this. My husband claims I'm really insensitive to other people's feelings. Well, when someone is crying because for some stupid reason when I can't even cry at a funeral of a close friend, well, it drives me nuts! It goes for anger too. People who fight about everything....just makes me want to scream. Especially nitpicking type fights. I had to leave my previous workplace because of this (just one of many reasons). Fifty women, working with pregnant/laboring women, gives nice a back drop for gossip/nitpicking spats.

On the other hand, I AM able to cry. But only by myself. I HATE crying in front of people. It just makes me want to run. I have a suspicion where this came from since I wasn't allowed to cry during my punishments as a kid. For example, no matter who the person is, I can NOT cry in front of someone with authority without fear. That includes the therapist, husband, older sibling, parents... I guess I cry the easiest around my children when in presence of someone.

Thanks for bringing this up, because I really didn't think it was PTSD related. That I was just a harda$$. Maybe it's something I should work on.

I'm wondering too if maybe our intolerance for others extreme emotions (crying, arguing, etc.) may be related to our intolerance for too much external stimuli?
There are days when I can't stand the TV on because of the "noise." Or I have to turn the TV off when my husband is talking to me because I can't focus on him and I get aggitated.

Dealing with other people crying is tough. If you know the person well, sometimes not saying anything but putting your arm around them or your hand on theirs is immensly powerful. If you don't know them well, a simple "I'm sorry you are so sad" is appropriate. Usually when people are crying they don't need someone to diagnose and understand them, just be there for them.

I, personally, don't feel anything when others fight or are sad or angry. Sometimes, I feel almost like I should laugh in their face at their ridiculous feelings of importance. As a veteran, I guess I have a very different idea of what makes a person sad, angry, upset etc.
It might sound arrogant, but I almost feel like I have that right - to feel like their problems are nothing. And to protect myself, I try not to feel apathy because then I will be hurt along with the other person. It is better just to feel numb to it. Distrust is your best protection in the world against being betrayed.
I guess this didn't help, but I hope you know that we understand.

Arrrrr emotions... a very topical subject and one that is very near the root of a sufferers ability to heal or not.

My two cents into this. We can throw parts of solutions around in regard to symptoms and emotions, but the core root to the problem as I see it and know it, is Black & White thinking. People think that black and white thinking is only related to thought. Well, emotions are part of the thought process, and that is where they become clouded. Do I feel, don't I feel. If I feel, how much pain will it cause me now? The thoughts are fast and instant, and often made without really reviewing the entire scenario.

Those without PTSD look outside the box (the box being black and white thinking) because they are not limited to two styles of thinking, instead they have the open forum of range and effect to choose, view and decide. Involve PTSD, you then involve black and white thinking, do I, don't I; Yes, No; If I, Will I; etc. Reasoning along the normal spectrum looks more like: I am angry at that person, because they are making me very frustrated at the moment; or, that person scared me then, which isn't a very nice thing to do; etc. You can see the difference between black and white thinking vs. using the entire thought spectrum to analyse emotions.

IraqVet raised an interesting point though about being a veteran.
You see, a veterans emotional state has nothing to really do with the actual impact of war itself, because their emotional reasoning was stripped already at basic training. You are taught to hate the enemy, feel nothing, walk, talk, run, climb, swim, tie your shoe laces, etc etc. You as an individual are removed during Army training and replaced with an instinctive thought of team. A group does not have emotions, only individuals have emotions. Soldiers aren't even aware of this at the time, and most never aware of it even after.

The battlefield is never left at the battlefield, it is carried within. Being a soldier is never left when you sign off your military service, as it still continues with you because it proved effective in saving you and seeing you return home, hence to the solider this is more important than emotions which where stripped during basic training. You see, this thought pattern is acceptable and required on the battlefield, it is not however an effective means of life after the battlefield though, and seeing that, and changing that is as big as healing trauma itself.

This is why deprogramming as such is becoming more topical now within the military to ensure soldiers are deprogrammed to some extent when leaving the military. The Australian military do it to a small degree now on discharge with mandatory courses and lectures, bringing you from military thinking to civilian thinking, though they never complete it because if they need you again, it is easily achieved for them to have you combat ready again.

Anyway, I could write a novel on this topic alone, but maybe some may see some scope in the above, maybe not, it is an individual choice. What you must know though, is that its not ok to be emotionally numb, its not ok to not feel anymore, regardless whether it saved you before, because emotions are the very backbone to why we carry PTSD itself, in that we failed to process them when they where presented, instead we pushed them aside, hence obtaining PTSD itself from suppressing emotions. Being vulnerable is not a weakness, it is a human trait. If you do not accept you are vulnerable, then you are trying to not accept that your human.

Wow thanks again everyone for contributing to this thread. I have enjoyed reading the posts and feel relieved that I relate to so much of what's being said.

Boo-Damphir, I loved your explanation of problems with emotions, and I agree with you about the external stimuli. Most of the time I hate loud noises. Also things happening really fast... like flashing lights or fast images on TV, or fast traffic, bother me on occasion. Fireworks are especially bad for me, because they are bright and loud. On holidays I tend to hide in my room...

Nam, I feel the same way, I think people get emotional about silly things. I guess though that it doesn't take as much energy for them as it does for me. I envy and dislike people for that. And I also don't like to cry or be angry in front of others. It terrifies me. I feel like I have to be in control, especially when others are around. If not, either they will hate me, or maybe I will "lose it" like my dad did. Sometimes I feel afraid of that, too.

IraqVet, I'm not a veteran, but I relate on some levels to what you said. I'm not sure if it's because my dad was in the military or because of my own PTSD... but anyways what you wrote makes a lot of sense to me, especially the words, I almost feel like I have that right - to feel like their problems are nothing, is a really good way of describing how I often feel.

Anthony, thanks again for sharing about the military. You've touched on more points I never even thought of, like being trained not to feel anything. My father talked about some aspects of his work, but not all. So it's good to be able to fill in some blank spaces. Also I never really thought of PTSD thinking as being black and white, but it's a really good analogy. Just one more thing to work on, I guess! Sigh.

"Most of the time I hate loud noises. Also things happening really fast... like flashing lights or fast images on TV, or fast traffic, bother me on occasion. Fireworks are especially bad for me, because they are bright and loud. On holidays I tend to hide in my room..."

Thanks for posting that Batgirl, I feel the same way...I hear you on the fireworks and firecrackers...they just sound too much like gun shots...or, if they're really close, like bombs going off or whatever...they just bring on all sorts of crap...

I also feel like I have to be in control especially when I'm not alone...no crying allowed kind of thing...and again, I also have reasons to fear what might happen in a fit of rage...

Yes they do sound like guns to me as well! Same thing with balloons popping, and even corks flying off champagne bottles. The worst for me though is when someone's car backfires (I think it's a bad muffler??). The first time that happened I was crossing the street at a busy intersection, and I almost fainted!! Now I usually wear headphones if I have to walk in heavy traffic. Construction can also get to me... lately they were digging up the sewer pipes on my block, digging really deep into the ground, so that the ground kind of shook and the noise was pretty intense. Maybe I should move to the country!!

Anthony, I find this information most interesting. Never once thought of, nor considered this. Husband was in the Marines for 4 years and this info. helps me understand (that which I couldn't previously understand, and sometimes with great frustration).

Just the other day I found myself very upset with him and soon afterwards writing it all down, for my personal journaling, just to get it out. What I wrote about was my great frustration and anger with his lack of emotional reasoning and the way he has expected me to Not Feel and to perform, perform, perform, perform...ect. Just like you said. Though I've experienced this as a pattern of expectations of his, he can shift and be flexible and it is not a daily occurance.

Last night, I persuaded him to at least listen as I read this post of yours. Though it was a challenge to keep him awake, because as soon as he sits he generally falls fast asleep, he heard much and found it most interesting as well. I find it amazing as it most definately answers questions I've had all the years I've known my husband. And over time I've grown to spot at times his thought patterns, but I couldn't put it into words, understand it or figure out the how and why?

I wish you would write a novel on this topic one day Anthony! Again, Most Interesting.

Oh, and when IraqVet said,:

"I, personally, don't feel anything when others fight or are sad or angry. Sometimes, I feel almost like I should laugh in their face at their ridiculous feelings of importance."

Sounds just like what I've been thinking and suspecting with my husband. I just now asked him if this was true of him and he nodded most definately in the affirmative.

...Amazing..Amazing..Amazing!....Real answers to real questions.

Hope, I am glad that this has helped you break down a barrier within your relationship. Understanding one another is the key to a solid relationship. Its all about mutual understanding and really knowing one another at great depth, when to press, when to backoff.

Lets just say, that I am going to write a lot of things here about military as a priority soon enough, because there are alot of military folks who browse this forum, though they struggle in the same areas I did, getting past their own pride from military training. Once that is gotten past and understood, they can just become themselves, jump in here and get into healing as the civilian they now are.

I read this and thought 'I remember this attitude, but that was a long time ago and I'm past that'. But I couldn't get this quote out of my mind and I kept thinking on it. And I realized that the army pounds this shit so hard into your brain that you can't get it out. It's part of you. And when all of the shit was going on in my life and my whole family was family was falling apart (emotionally), I did what I had been trained to do. I sucked it up, tucked everything down deep and kept going. And it was only after I felt everyone I loved was safe and back on their feet (my mission was accomplished) that everything crashed down around me.

I talked to my husband about this last night (he's also a vet-we were both soldiers when we got married) and he agrees that you never lose your military training. I think this is a big part of the reason that part of me still feels almost guilty for 'breaking' because I wasn't supposed to. We were taught to go through it, go over it, go around it, go under it and if none of that works, blow the shit up! None of that works with PTSD.

I don't know if any of this makes any sense at all as I'm still working on wrapping my brain around this.