This is how I felt, too. And like sibemom, I've asked myself why now? Why didn't I fall apart when all of the rough stuff was going on?

Like you, veiled, I've always been told that I was strong. So if I'm strong, I can't fall apart. Why not? Because I'm strong, everyone needs me and to fall apart would make me weak. My mom still tells me I'm one of the strongest people she knows. I want to tell her not to say that. But I can't do that because then I'll feel guilty for bursting her perception bubble. I'm still having problems (and feel guilty) because 'I snapped'. I'm strong...I shoudn't have. I should have been strong enough to handle this without falling apart. Logically I know that it's not true...but try telling that to my emotions. Part of me wants just act like nothing's happened, everything's fine. Just pretend that I'm fine, the doctors were wrong and go back to my 'real' life. Part of me knows that's not going to do anything but make things worse. So I have this on-going internal battle/debate and I wish I knew how to make it go away.

You have to come to terms that PTSD is absolutely no way a reflection of weakness. We are all strong to survive what we have. Burst mom's bubble and illusion. It feels better having not to carry other's weight afterwards. But like has been said on here before. If you apply enough pressure anything can and will break. Does not make it weak. Strenght is shown just being here trying to help yourself.

Your right Veiled because I THOUGHT I deal with things well, survived so to speak, protected my kids, worked LIKE HELL to feel useful, I pretty much pretended that I WAS OK. Looking at my life pre accident which to me was no big deal, now telling it to my therapist and listening to myself say it I LIVED A SCIENCE FICTION NOVEL and no IT WAS FAR FROM HEALTHY even though I thought is was fine. I do have a strong personality even coming through during times of horriable anixiety and depression I AM a rather strong type. and again that is the way OTHER PEOPLE SEE ME, how do I see myself? BROKEN, USED, ABANDONED AND BETRAYED, kind of like a favorite toy that you have repaired over and over for your child and one day YOU JUST CAN NOT FIX IT, that is how I feel. I am not depressed anymore I was at first, but now YES I GET DEPRESSED but it surrounds situations. Being able to express how I feel HELPS MORE THAN YOU KNOW. I have ever since I can remember been much more comfortable with children and animals than adults. I don't know maybe that personality type is target for this crap. I just do not know. Coming to the point of being able to FACE things that I either hid or just denyed because if you deny them then IT DOES NOT HURT YOU:cuckoo: :cuckoo: , that is a very big step forward for me. Will they ever know why some people get this as opposed to others I DOUBT IT, but finding good providers to assist in the healing and teaching us that NO IT IS OK TO FEEL again, THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS.