LOL! One hubby's enough!
Ahh,the old goldfish memory-my hubby is the same. Some days we just can't win. You know what they say-Men are from mars!
Glad to see you've still got your sense of humour!

Jen, often you will find little subtle improvements in simple things during the course, but overall, chances are they will get worse, and remain that way for a few months after the course, until they put all the pieces together and use what they now know to help themselves get on with life.

The course often goes up and down. During the week you might be ok, then the few days off you will crash and go to shit, often then not wanting to go back, but you must force yourself. Then, the group talks about all the downs they just had, nuts them out and pulls them apart, then gets on with the rest of the week. The first day back each week is usually the most significant, because that is where people learn about their downs over the rest days, and how to help themselves maintain them, what thoughts went through their heads, etc etc...

Hey Jods goldfish memory hey?
At least goldfish have a 3 second memory! Men well??

Hi Anthony I see that subtle improvment occasionally. I think my problem is I get a bit excited when he is a good mood I cant afford to do that because I am then disappointed when I realise it was only a temporary change in his behaviour I know baby steps.
He was upset last night as he put a bid on Ebay for a car part back in October it was only $12 and he won the bid so they were chasing him for money. He cannot remember doing it!! I am going to really have to watch what he is doing!
Jen

Hi Jen
I know what you mean about a "good" day. I keep on thinking to myself, great he's going good.Then when he goes back down I have to remind myself that he is just "putting on his public face". I still forget that even though my life goes on he's still kind of trapped in his healing cycle.
Ebay-LOL! That's my hubby's new thing at the moment too. Lucky for me when he has done a purchase he's managed to get a bargin & remembered doing it!

Hi Jods I can understand putting on the 'public face' thats where I think we fall into a false sense of security that they act different around other people. I said to the spouses the other day I feel if we went to a session as a couple it just wouldnt be right as he acts differently when I am around he just cant seem to open up with me. He says that he thinks it would upset me to much to talk about his traumas to me.
Watch that Ebay!! Jen

Sorry your hubby doesn't want to tell you about his trauma, but I suppose that he probably thinks "what you don't know won't hurt you". It must be pretty hard to take at times. I got to admit it probably isn't such a bad thing. I only know about hubbys because I was the 2nd person he called after his accident occurred so I've been riding some of this with him.

Let me just put this out there for spouses. Veterans often don't tell their partners of the trauma they have suffered for good reason... because the sheer nature of the violence is often not what you presume it too be as you see on TV, or civilian crimes. I have seen some partners accept the knowledge, I have seen some accept it, then bolt to get away from it and sorry they ever asked, I have seen some in more shock than the sufferer (hence PTSD), I have seen spouses go into nightmares from knowing, I have seen spouses who just say "sorry dear, but that was then, this is now" and move on with their partner to help them.

It is for these reasons that veterans often don't tell spouses. I have seen it with my own eyes, where a partner so badly wants to know, then when they do, they look at them completely differently and even leave the marriage because of what they have done, seen or know.

I guess what I am saying here, is spouses really have to go that extra mile in analysing, "do you really want to know because their your partner" or "do you really want to know out of curiosity" or "do you really want to know so you can tell others" are the issues. When you get the information, how are you going to handle it.

Let me just give you a snippet of information to help you make your decisions in these regards.

A soldier with a pistol to a childs head, under 6 years of age, the child on her knee's, stripped off clothing after just being raped and abused by militia / soldiers, then shot in the vagina, then tortured some more, raped some more. The blood runs from all over her little naked body, out in the open, exposed to the public in order to watch what will happen to their children if they don't do as they are told. Anal raped, spat on, split in two nearly... left to die.

This is a partial event of one incident, I could tell you much worse. Obviously some peoples trauma is not gruesome and explicit as such, but still trauma no less. Often the types of trauma some veterans will encounter is beyond what you really want to know, see or hear. Remember, once you know, transferrence is applicable to your reaction and the details given, which means you can then take on some of this events being so close to your partner, you could get symptoms of PTSD...

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW IS THE QUESTION?

Thanks Anthony
Although hubby isn't a veteran I understand what you are saying. There are some things we just don't need to know.
There are things that he has told me & I things I was present for after the accident occurred at the hospital with hubby & believe me I wouldn't wish it apon my worst enemy.
To be honest I don't want to walk a mile in my hubby's shoes. I'd prefer to walk beside him to be a shoulder he can lean on or behind him to catch him when he falls.

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW IS THE QUESTION?

Not really Anthony! I have never given him the impression that I want to know what went on over there he usually pulls up short when he starts talking to much about Somalia so I think he knows that I dont need to know and dont want to know all the gory details. As you said it can hurt relationships I would be one that would be pretty unsettled if I heard to much and he knows that he has other contacts that he can talk to if he needs to get it off his chest.
We had a good weekend we went to Innisfail and got on ok over the weekend I am glad I talked him into it.
One downer for the weekend I got a $150.00 speeding fine oh well first speeding ticket in 31 years of driving I do have bit of a lead foot so it was bound to happen.
Jen