Jen, I pray that is the case, but he's a classic "loner." He keeps most everything inside, includung things that are not traumatic but events that fall under "the code" of police officers. Like who am I gonna tell? I initiated a talk about opening up to me: not being able to help him w/his anxiety if I don't know where it's coming from, just an outline, etc. He said he was tired of me "pushing him" & "telling him what to do." (As in your case) Aside from walking, which his psych recommended, I don't recall telling him what to do.(???):frown: He said most of the time he didn't know where the anxiety was coming from, & changed the subject when I mentioned the outline thing. I mentioned how we had handled episodes in the past & how well it worked. He just gave me this mistrustful look, like "Can I really trust you, or are you gonna commit me?" (I know that's his greatest fear.)
I just feel so helpless (& I'm not comfortable w/that feeling). Does anyone else feel the same way? What do you do?

Hi Tig I am always getting in to trouble for nagging at him. He is starting to open up just that little bit but not a lot. I just wish he would try that little bit harder to help himself its like having a another kid. He is going to a PTSD clinic at the moment so he is trying.
To me its really frustrating that you have to think about what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. COME ON!!
My marriage for the first 20 years was great but the last five years have been very trying but I am learning that if I want this marriage to survive I have to change my ways as well have to be patient.
Jen

Patience is the big one Jen... just hang tight, keep on him gradually in conjunction with what he is learning from this course, so he doesn't get slack afterwards, and it will come together for you both. If you push him to hard, too fast, it can have the reverse effect. If you don't push him enough, then he will relapse into his old habits. Just remember though, that relapse is part of the PTSD cycle during healing, and he will need that push to keep him going, active and in control, and you will find every day he will gradually come back around to life once again, especially if he keeps his counselling up and pushing himself during it.

Thanks Anthony good day today the guys on the clinic had a family BBQ down at Cungulla with the families.
Was a nice day hubby even participated in the beach cricket. First bit of exercise he has done for a long time the wives played as well legs are a bit sore tonight but I am not going to tell him that

Jen, I know exactly what you mean by having to choose each word carefully and being mindful of your tone & body language. Jeeez! It takes alot of effort & patience.

Anthony, Boy I wish that Terry understood what you just said about pushing just enough!!! He doesn't want to be pushed at all.
He knows that during counseling his symptoms will get worse for a while & he fears that (rightfully so) because he's so symptommatic at present.
He starts EMDR this week & he's kind of freaked out about it. (I did EMDR, & while it was difficult & draining, I didn't freak out about it. But then Terry's demons are far more sinister than mine.) When he comes home on EMDR days, he's gonna be really fragile. On those days I know exactly how patient & gentle to be. It's the rest of the time I find so difficult.

I wish we had a PTSD Clinic here like yours. Treatment here consists of seeing a psychologist for an hour a week, so progress is really slow going.

Progress Note: After I spoke w/hubby Friday, on Saturday thankfully he was a bit "warmer" towards me. Nothing spectacular, just acknowledges my presence more, is a bit kinder & less withdrawn. I see a glimpse of the man I knew. He's not opening up to me about anything, but hopefully that will come in time. I think right now he's still adjusting to opening up to his psychologist. Baby steps...

Hi Tig thats right baby steps I am starting to notice the signs of my husband when he doesnt want to talk or doesnt want me to talk.
I just leave the room its easier that way before I say something that I will regret. I just leave him alone to watch the idiot box! Thats good that you saw a bit of attention from your hubby. Patience they keep saying.
The local PTSD clinic here is a good idea as we are in a Defence Force city with a lot of guys and girls with problems so they can get support as well as their partners. The thing I have noticed is that the sufferers are getting younger or am I getting older?
Jen