I have been hanging on little by little lately. Days just seem to meld together into one long day. I had to wait for 30 days to see a psychiatrist but it was worth the wait.

She said that my experiences in Iraq are definitely behind my PTSD and gave me some meds for it. Right now using lexapro (only my first week) and today has been one of the better days in a very long time. Kind of funny too since I stopped at the ATM machine to pull out 30 dollars for the next couple of days and ended up pulling out $300. I actually found it a bit humorous as opposed to my normal *%&%^@^@&$**()(. My doc said that it would take a week to feel any type of difference and up to a month. I am just happy that I do notice a slight difference. She also hooked me up with Lunesta for sleeping. That is working OK but sometimes I find myself still fighting to get to sleep properly. At least I haven’t been up all night and then scooting off to work at 4:30 am.

I'm still haunted by images of being over there and something new started happening. I tend to hear noises that are only associated with being over there now. It's weird; the one noise that is the most prevalent is a stupid alarm clock noise of a rooster crowing. That is what I used as an alarm clock over there. I don’t have that phone anymore and while I am sitting watching TV or driving I will hear it go off. Just kind of freaks me out a bit.

Hope everyone else is doing is good.

Gregg

Hey Gregg,

Bloody good to hear from you again mate. The voices are normal, or sounds, in that these are memories returning basically as a flashback to you. Yes, that is a form of flashback, if you are suddenly just hearing the alarm clock noise that you used in Iraq.

Mate, too be honest, being haunted by images of Iraq are going to remain with you until you actively get into facing them all. That is really a time thing, and you will know when the right time is for you.

The lexapro is a good thing, because your running around with uncontrolled PTSD (as I call it), which means some stability for you is much needed. Lexapro takes a good month, minimum, to get into your system and stablize it. I will just give you warning though, lexapro is pretty renoun for some nasty side effects, suicidal ideation being one of them, muscle tension another. If you start wanting to jump of things, or drive your car into poles, get back to your doc and change meds.

I'm glad that things are starting to look up for you gregg :)

Glad to see ya here. Cannot relate to the sand box but do to the flashbacks of sorts. I smell fire and it sucks. Can feel things against my hands. I hope the meds keep you and get you on an even ground so you can start to look at this in the face... And face it down!

I am taking things one day at a time. I have also gotten back to being proactive with the house chores. I still have that one problem with that lady at work. No matter what! As soon as I hear her voice I cringe and just get amped up. I never go looking for a fight with her but she tends to drag the day down about 5 to 7 notches. She finally put in for RETIREMENT OMFGBBQROFLCOPTERS!!!!! Her last day is the 30th and all I can think of is ding dong the witch is DEAD!!! lol

I have never had such mael intent for anyone person in my entire life. Her party is on the 30th and I have already scheduled time off. I am afraid that I would probably snap at all the BS stories going around of how helpful she was to the organization.

I do have a question and I am going to put it into another thread.

Gregg

I am sooo behind!

I am glad to hear it is almost over, your are in the final stretch with that one! Lucky break. Yes, taking off for all the well wishes may be a good idea so you don't pop off and say exactly how you feel about her. Hope work will be a less of a hassle with her gone :)

Mate, all I can say is.... does it get any better than that? Don't you just love when things all come together for you? I do... I know what your saying, because I have dealt with people just like this in the military, and when their posting came around, all I could do was have my own little personal celebration that their arse was going going... gone.

What looked like a major victory (if I can even really call it that) is now dwarfed by the other things going on in life. Jeese where to begin,

In June I needed a new car to get to and from work that was reliable. I ended up getting a 06 Mustang. The color of that car (as my wife puts it) is midlife crisis screaming yellow. I know, I know, I thought forever and a day that a yellow car was one of the ugliest things ever. But Ford did something good with this yellow. It wasn’t a construction nor was it a weak canary yellow. It just about had to be the best looking yellow I have ever seen on a car. Well back to the story. Before the paperwork was finalized the dealership filed bankruptcy. Apparently this was something a long time coming talking to all the people around here. They just have horrible business practices. So I currently have a brand new car that I can’t drive since all the temporary tags and title is now expired. With no hope of getting them renewed I am looking at returning the car to Ford Motor Services. What makes this worse is that I traded in a Saturn LS2 that they haven’t paid off. So that is still accruing money/late fee's and it is in my name and I have no way of recouping that with these bastards that filed bankruptcy.

I am once again right back to step 1. I need a car to get to and from work. I decided on the second to last day of the grace period for the Mustang to go and get a more reasonable car. I ended up getting something I cannot stand! It is a Suzuki Forenzo. Don’t get me wrong the car isn’t a P.O.S except for the fact it isn’t a Mustang.

I really don’t like the new car. No get up and go at all. In fact sounds like a fan on high spin when trying to get up speed to pass or merge.

In retrospect I should of just said F*** it and went with a BMW. I figured I would save money and still be able to drive around in a bright new car lol.

Gregg

I'm glad that you are seeing a psychiatrist... I would be lost without mine! Are you in any kind of therapy or just med management? I'm asking because I'm trying to figure out what I should do (I'm new here). I can only imagine what you went through, but I would like to thank you for your service to this country... I don't know if that makes you feel better or worse, but I just wanted to express my gratitude!! I'm sorry that that happened to you... hang in there...

Josh77

Sorry you are stuck in a wimpy car but I had to giggle a bit. Just think you are not stuck in a mini van like me, and I had no choice dang it... I keep swearing I am getting an old muscle car when I can shed the mini van!

The meds sound like they are doing a great job especially in the thinking you were shallow post. Anything but shallow if you brought home flowers on a whim, very sweet and thoughtful! I remember I used to get flowers all the time; since I was hit with this crap last time so hard I don't see them anymore go figure, and I could use them more now LOL. Guess too much $$$ thrown at docs and scripts. I love fresh daisies on my table, hubs lucked out they are cheap and my favorite LOL, and the spring and summer the kids would load me down with all the different colors that bloomed that resembled a daisy. Kind of drab around here without them...

You really sound like the meds are helping get on an even ground and I am so happy for you, your mind needs a break to regroup. And the nice thing is I am seeing after a while I have learned how to cope without dope :) It takes a while but you will get there I am sure but in the mean time we all need a break to get our minds around things. My last cut is Thanksgiving the last of my xanax, kind of nervous going without a pill of some sort I am so used to it being my life preserver. But hey I may not be an olympic swimmer in this PTSD crap like Anthony but with his help and others here I have got the doggy paddle down!

But like Anthony said watch for the bad side effects to those class of meds. I had Paxil no luck, Effexor not sure what happened, bad timing? But a whole lot of getting sick and hospital trip. Zoloft, I just am finally getting over the nasty of my withdrawals, (tendency to make satan look like a school girl coming off, but it was expected as I had come off Zoloft before with the same reaction) it was doing the opposite of what it should and I was getting suicidal again and started seeing I had thoughts and plans for it as in how I would. Thankfully far enough in therapy to recognize this was matching up to shortly after them increasing as I was getting more depressed on the original dose... So the smart doc doubled it. No wonder I was suicidal! I quickly started coming back off and feel a lot better. At least I don't want to kill others or myself, LOL twisted what can be viewed as a good day isn't it?

Point is you sound like you are doing better and does not sound like you crashed from your mom, just some self doubt, but I think you may have worked that out on your own. I think the med is actually working the way it is suppossed to with you and that is great! I mean you are getting on here chatting and even the stuff that pisses you off does not come across as being pissed really. Great work! LOL the shit has to work every once in a while correctly on someone right???