What bad shit have you done in your life, with or without PTSD, lets get it all out and about so things are not sitting on your shoulders any longer. Its time to be really honest with yourself.

This could be a daily post, weekly, monthy, annually, hell, just anything in your life that is sitting on your chest, get rid of it.

This can be anything from little to big.... and yes, even illegal.

My list is so big, I couldn't think of it all now, so I will just start with some small things.

I have cheated on girlfriends
I have had multiple girlfriends at once, lieing to each of them
I have beaten people up just because they looked at me when drunk

Not proud of any of the above, but they are part of my past.

Damn Anthony and in General... Lets talk about getting to the nitty gritty... But so needed as we have all made bad choices. As we have talked about the road map.

You best keep it it up if I am jumping in too... Oh man hard.

OK... The time in typing this is probably a lot longer than it looks. I gotta figure out where to even start.

Was a stripper... Gasp. Could go in details why and whole self image but not the point I think this is an exposure.

Could drink any damn person under the table... at 98 lbs... Laid bets as it was easy cash so used to drowning myself.

Hurt a lot of people. People I viewed as weak or bullies but at the same time fell victim to domestic violence. Had no problem kicking a man in the face if touched at the club I worked at and took pleasure in it as the face was so even with the boot on stage, and well I never got in trouble for it.

When I was a D.J. at a club I would secretly record after hours BS on the local cops they had going on. Send files to self. Never hurt to have a little padding. A canine cop was really bad and well he was crazy about the club owner my bud...

Used to do wet tee shirt contest and "tight fittin' jean". I was hated as I normally won but at least my only competion was a young tall girl I tried to not let fall into the "scene". She was such a smart one and then she found street drugs and lost her. Was hard. Had to feed the kids... Life as I knew it.

Went over a table once and beat the shit out of a guy who ran his tab for the night to about a grand. Zero tip, I would not let him touch me. Uhhh, not my job. He got touched at end of night hard. I busted my ass and whole night was about $2 because of that shit. I was waiting tables then.

I will let someone go next. Won't go into promoting clubs, MCing, and managing yet. And I am a simple farmer now :) And Anthony has to keep going too. No not an angel here and not proud but bits of my past. Shit I hope my kids never know for sure.

Whoa, that brought p some long lost stuff... The drinking dudes under on bets. The tequlia I did that and was at a loss for a little back. It was that I did to those guys. A dude named his dog tequila after me, a rott... Pulling some shit out aren't ya?

I was a full alcoholic for atleast six months when I went off the rails completely, drinking a bottle of spirits per night, more on the weekends.

Walked out on my wife and child when returning from overseas after moving them half way across the country, for them to only move back to where we left two months previous... she had no idea it was coming... me neither I think. I went and slept with a girl two days after walking out, just to seal the deal, so she wouldn't take me back. It worked...

Early 20's ~ While intoxicated I was put in protective custody. Pleaded with them to get me something to eat as I had been w/o food for a couple of days. When some cop was so kind to do so, ie. he brought me back fast food sandw. & such. I ate it and then forced myself to vomit it on the cell floor. Screamed from cell at everyone to let me out, and when they didn't, I suspect I may have screamed not so nice things.

Early 20's ~ Somewhat drunk and bullshit I seriously insulted publicly and personally someone I'd been seeing.

As a kid, I stole Susan Anthony dollars from my mother piggy bank and went and spent them on beer.

This sucks and is the most difficult thread to participate in.

Not proud of any of it.

This is a HARD thread!!! Ummmm....

1. Slept with a married man
2. wrote bitch on a million pieces of confetti and rained them on my mother at the stair landing.
3. tried to use a lost walmart gift card. (they canceled it...)

Man where does one start, I guess about 13 in the hight of the flower power Gen., Pot, acid, Mushrooms and the lot. Then came the booze and hanging with the 1%ers(Hells Angles), thankfully that did not last long, found out what they are realy about. Living half on the street with the druggies and guys with the bent noses, when that life stile finaly caught up I pulled out of society all together. But things are starting to look better.

Looking across room - see base ball bat damage... Not a first.

"cheated on ex" Not sure I could call it full blown cheating as he was encouraging it and pushed it, it was just twisted shit he was into and I am a dumb ass for doing so. I dumped ex and ran off with the guy I picked, even bigger mistake... I was looking for an easy way out and that was a "from the pan to the fire" move.

Arranged for a pedophile to get his ass kicked - not good, but I sure as hell don't regret that one. Did not have him shot like he deserved IMO.

Raging alcoholic for years. Could not and would not have sex or sleep unless mind blowing drunk. Can tell I don't drink hardly at all as a few (3)glasses of wine last night and my head still hurts. I enjoyed them but cannot get the taste out now, yuck.

y'all will think i'm lying, but i had to really think long and hard to come up with anything "bad" i'd done. i've never had a drink(alcohol). Said a couple swear words in the 6th grade, let a couple people cheat off me in school. the only thing really that would qualify for bad, would be taking some pills a couple times with a friend of mine and her boyfriend. he supplied them--he was 21 and she and i were 11 or 12, scarey now. not enough sense to be scared then. probably good that we moved that summer.

Cookie, I see no reason anyone would say you are lying... You are about as straight laced as they seem to come and not a bad thing. But I think the goal, and hope I get corrected if wrong, is when we have PTSD uncontrolled we make some pretty stupid, thoughtless, selfish, impulsive moves. I know this certainly is not a self esteem booster going on in here.

But if we can be more open at the stupid shit we pulled maybe it will help those holding back open up more and get the help they need. Especially when they see how far some of have gone and come back... Know what I mean?

Rage has been a very bad enemy of mine a long time and still trying to tame it. And with my rage you find fear, in fear my panic lies... and it goes on like that, Like a big ol' circle. And all the diffrent ways different people supress it and fall victim to stupid moves. Or feelings of I deserve this and fall victim to bad choices. It is nothing new and all new comers need to see and understand that. They need to know they are not alone and you can heal and become a better person.

Does this mean I will ever mature enough not to giggle my ass off at South Park? Probably not, but I am a better person now that I am learning who I am, not that the things that happened to me make me. Effect some choices, but I have the power now to change it where befoe I was just a lost soul.