tig, that is not "bad shit you have done", but I'm glad that you got it off your chest. Good Job.

Nam, that's what I meant in my initial entry-- most of the bad shit that haunts me was done to me, but it haunts me nonetheless. That's why I wasn't sure I should mention it in this thread. Bad shit is bad shit, right? (e.g., I didn't abuse me: my mom did, then my ex did... it haunts me just the same, maybe more.)

Thank you, Anthony, for making me feel like I fit in.

Thank you for your kind words & support-- I will PM you later. (Got to go X-mas shopping.)

Wildfirewildone, I know I didn't really have to tell that story, but I did have to get it out & leave it behind so it doesn't keep me chained to the past. Thanks.

Keep going tig... you are absolutely correct, bad shit is bad shit, and I am certainly not going to stop you getting any off it out. Do what you must do and feel comfortable doing.

Cruelty to animals this one... not death, but cruel.

A bloke pissed myself and a mate off one day when we were about 17 I think. We where at a party and this bloke decided to pick on me, I told him to piss off and wasn't interested in fighting, walked away, so he went onto my mate instead, who decided to fight back. Well, he got his arse kicked and we left. This bloke owned a car, nice too from memory, an older car but done up. So my mate decided he was going to really teach this prick a lesson for being an arsewipe. He went a few houses up, a cat was outside, he called the cat and patted it, then he told me to stand at this guys car and open the close the door when told. His car was unlocked in the driveway with others behind and surrounding it. My mate got the cat by the tail and swung it around and around, dizzy type stuff, but the theory is true, trust me. He said ready, and then the final stroke was the cat went into the car after being swung around and around for a good minute or so. Cat went in, door got shut, and we watched the action. The cat went absolutely ferral... and I mean ferral. It destroyed every inch of the upholstery within that car, dash, seats, roof the lot. The cat went apeshit... not one part of the interior wasn't ripped, holed or scratched.

I had heard of the theory before this, neither of us knew for sure, but we found out that night that the myth was fact.

hugs tig tight

and even tighter.

When I was 19, Dad sent me down to MusicFest to get one of his musician clients to sign some contracts. I had no problem w/this as I'd known this man all my life. I located the bus that he & his band were in. It was around 10am, but they were all drunk. The musician closed the door to the bus & I got scared cuz I pretty much knew what was about to happen. The musician was about 6'4" and 320lbs (to my 5'6", 115lbs), so I knew I was screwed, metaphorically speaking. He grabbed me & began to molest me, laughing at my efforts to break away. Inside, I was freaking out; then I realized I had 1 way out. Holding up the contracts, I reminded him what they were, asking him if he still wanted the deal. He paused... I told him to let go of me & open the door. As I began to exit the bus, I held up the contracts, ripped them in half & threw them up into the air. I told Dad all this, but he didn't believe me. That hurt. (My "bad thing" follows.)
When I was 35, I learned the musician had died. Mom & Dad drove up to Memphis for the funeral, & I went with them. As the church full of people mourned & cried, I shed not a tear. The mourners filed past the casket as did I, stopping to look for a bit. Mom thought this was a bit odd for me, given the history between us, but said nothing. When we got in the car she asked me why I came to his funeral. I said coldly, "I wanted to make sure he was dead."

Tig hon, that is normal.

I often wish and dream my abusers dead. I don't think it is a bad thing to want to make sure he's dead. I would've done the same thing.

I was working in ICU of a 1200-bed hospital. One of my ventilator patients was a 16yo kid who had landed in our ICU after, in one of his more brilliant moments, he had swallowed more than 20 rocks of cocaine while running from the police. After doing that, it wasn't much of a chase really. He was very angry to say the least & he vented his hostility on everyone who was trying to care for him. He was very combative & was an exceptional pain in the a**. Usually I'm quite patient & tolerant; but one day he crossed that line for the last time. I've never done this before or since, but being the redhead that I am, well I'd had enough. I took my hemostats & clamped them down on his breathing tube, thus cutting off his air. (I knew how much time we had before his next breath.) I explained to him what I'd done (which made him panic), then read him the riot act. I told him no one would ever come in his room again if he didn't stop this sh*t. I asked him if he understood me. He nodded yes. I told him if he continued to act the same way, I'd be back. I asked if he understood & he nodded yes. So I removed the hemostats. He didn't cause even 1 problem after that.

Well in no particular order,

Stole a 66 passenger bluebird bus in white sands New Mexico, Drove it to a strip joint with 3 other buddies spent about $700 and drove back on base with the strippers and my buddies. I turned off the lights to the bus so that they wouldn’t see us coming across the desert and ended up driving in the dunes. I managed to get out of any type of punishment. But did about 3k worth of damage to the bus.

Did acid like it was water for about 2 years straight

Slept with over 100 women as a competition with a buddy

Cheated on my wife (still paying for that one)

Walked through cities with a group of people and just started beating the crap out of some poor souls

Those are just a few, but within all those are even more times and instances that I have memories of that are just horrible things that I have done.

I stole the collection jar full of change and a little bit of paper money for Jerry Lewis' Muscular Distrophy Charity from a local convienence store and got arrested. I pulled the jar, which was chained to the cigarette rack, and cig packs went flying all over the place. it took me 2 or 3 pulls of the chain to break it!! I was being chased (i was driving away) by cops, so i threw the jar out of the car window and down the highway embankment; change flew everywhere!! The cops had to pick it all up and count all $111 or so in change! They were so mad at me and my accomplice:cussing: that they roughed him up a bit for being so cocky about the whole thing! It was a felony because i threw it out the window and that is tampering with evidence, but it was downgraded to just the theft charge, which is a misdemeanor. This was years and years ago! I needed money real bad, and that is why i took it. i wanted to get high (i was 19 years old...that was 10 years ago!!):drugs:

I hope no one judges me!! I was just a kid!!