LOL, maybe you hit on the heel thing there... Maybe you have to have a buzz working to walk and prance in them ;)

My Bad Stuff! ! !

When my daughter was 9 years old, I gave her away to a woman I knew! My ex would not take her and I could not keep her, or at least in my mind I thought I could not keep her. As soon as she was gone, I packed up everything I owned and moved away.

I don't know where my mind was? I had just gotten a really great new job and had to move. Several days prior to my move and a couple of days after getting my great new job I found out I was pregnant. So there I was! New job--just gave my kid away--packing to move and I end up pregnant! Well, I did it. I terminated my pregnancy. I have never told anyone this EVER!!!

I do not recommend this as a solution. This has haunted me daily, for the 26 years! I will never forgive myself for the selfish decissions I made. And they were selfish! I was able to rationalize every thing I did so it didn't look selfish at the time, but it was.

I gave my child away and terminated the life of another simply because they would interfer with my new job. Now that is some bad shit guys

My bad things...

Drove my parents to tears, I was not a very nice teenager.

Drinking, smoking, drugs

Shoplifting

Used sex to punish myself (I just figured that one out a few weeks ago)

Slept with two married men

Ran away from places and situations without telling anyone I was leaving.

Hurt friends on purpose

vst

Hey VST, Sounds like you read the notes I made for my next entry in this thread. All I can say is it must be something in the water causing all of us to screw up like this

Ditto. BUT- here in the US the Statute of Limitations has not expired yet.

The worse thing I feel I have done is when I quit caring when I took someone's life in combat.

This is only the stuff which I consider to be bad:

Sleeping and playing with men and dumping them when they made me tired
Locking two unknown guys from outside in their trailer (I was 12 years old)
Taking rides on the roof of the elevator in a 22-story building (a popular entertainment for bad kids like myself)
Taking trains and buses without paying for tickets (in Russia)
Not paying enough attention (to say the least) to my high school studies
Drinking a lot (past)
Multiple phone jokes and other nasty stuff, like putting dog's poop into someone's shoose (as a kid, of course)
Making false papers in order to get free bus pass or permission to skydive (in Russia)
Unnecessary arguing, fighting, and so on (hope will be past soon)
Pushing people away by verbally hurting them (hope will be past soon)

You are so correct about the uncontrolled anger. I finally realized it came out the most when I was hurt. Can't let them see you cry can you? I slept around a lot..I mean a lot. Because I had been taught by peoples actions that was the source of my worth. I was pretty AND sexy. My Mom was shall we say very active when I was growing up in the house of violence. Once you have been abused enough you see yourself as invincible. I am actually not afraid of physical violence...just feel unloveable and as though everyone will finally come to the realization I am worthless and abandone me. Although not an alcoholic many many years ago drove my children in the car when I was drunk. Thank God I had an angel on my shoulder. Never happened again. Still as we in this group knows..guilt is one of the enmies we have to conquer. I do believe in forgiveness however

It would be good if I could list the good things I have done - but that is not the subject ---- oh I could right a book.

I used to hide food (and still do) and eat it in the bathroom
Used to kick my grandmother and run
Started drugs, alcohol and sex and when I was 13
Slept with over 100 men
Cheated on my first husband so many times (usually while drunk) sometimes with his friends and our neighbours
Have told about 500 or more people (including my family and friends) to F*($ off

This is only for starters - I totally feel guilty as hell if I was to list everything at once, so maybe I can build up to it.

lets see...well start with feeling like shit about cutting down "that" tree....i asked a farmer,whos property was used to film return to eden,if i could fall a couple of turpentine gum trees..which surrounded his paddocks...he probably thought a 14 yo kid was after small trees...trouble is the biggest,tallest turpie id ever seen was on the cleared paddock,in the film set actualy...and being a budding logger at 14yo..i took my massive 090 stihl chainsaw in and fell it...quite a task for a kid....no one said a word..suppose no one said i couldnt take it...took the whole lot out as split fence posts and rails...i was too young and keen to realise the extent of my unknowing vandalism...i pass the site a few times a year..sometimes a cheeky grin..but always sadness...ive fell 10,000"s trees over the years,none i remmember like that one...i only cut trees brought down in storms now..p.s. it was after the film not during.