Spring Classes for Men at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Monday, April 5, 2007

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.


Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 P M


Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line, Counseling and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM


Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.


Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, campus Fire station.


Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Taoism Shit happens.
Confucianism Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism This shit happened before.
Mormonism This shit is going to happen again.
Islam If shit happens, it is the Will of Allah.
Stoicism This shit is its own reward.
Protestantism Let this shit happen to someone else.
Calvinism Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Pentecostalism In Jesus' name, heal this shit!
Catholicism Shit happens because you deserve it.
Judaism Why does this shit always happen to us?
Zoroastrianism Shit happens half the time.
Marxism This shit is going to hit the fan.
Atheism No shit.
Seventh Day Adventist No shit on Saturdays.
Existentialism Absurd shit.
Agnosticism What is this shit?
Nihilism Who gives a shit?
Deconstruction Shit happens in hegemonic meta-narratives.
Christian Science Shit is in your mind.
Moonies Only happy shit really happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses Knock, Knock, shit happens.
Scientology Shit happens on page 152 of Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard
Hare Krishna Shit happens, Rama Rama.
Hedonism There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Rastafarianism Let's smoke this shit.

Hee hee. That's a great joke, CrazyPJ!

Presbyterianism probably would be: Presbyterianism- sh*t happens, but we have to take a vote to agree on what kind of sh*t it is.

Rob S.

Here's a joke:

The 1970s horror film actor , Vincent Price was lounging around on a film set before the actors started filming that day. One of the actors, John, was waltzing up and down the set singing the song:"tip toe through the tulips".

John turns to Vincent and says: my song is cool! I bet you didn't know I was a singer, Did you Vincent?

Vincent Price snaps at him, saying: "Well I certainly didn't think you were an actor!"

Please, someone post another joke. Mine was just lame.

TTFN, Rob

The Devilish-in-Law

A few minutes before Mass started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and quietly praying.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical agony for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And your're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope."
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "I've been married to your sister for over 48 years".

Spiders on Drugs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc

I think this is probably most funny to Canadians, as it's a very good parody of the nature vignettes, "Hinterland Who's Who", we have on Canadian TV. But hopefully others will find it funny too. :)

Nice CrazyPJ,

I have a shorter version of that on my wall ;)

a young boy is doing his maths homework, his mother listens to him counting and doing his sums, the boy counts,
two plus two this son of a bitch is four
three plus three this son of a bitch is six
his mother angered walks in and asks him where he learnt that sort of language from
the boy replies his maths teacher, the next day the upset mother phones the maths teacher and demands an answer as to what he had been teaching her boy and tells him what the boy had said,
when the teacher finally manages to stop laughing he says
two plus two the sum of which is four.

sometimes what we hear isnt what is said.

A motorcycle officer stops a man for running a red light. The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the motor officer. The violator demands to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The "Motorist" instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms. The officer, being a professional, takes it all in stride.

The tirade goes on without the cop saying anything. When he gets done with writing the citation he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the citation. He then hands it to the "Violator" for his signature.

The guy signs the cite angrily, tearing the paper, and when presented his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for. The officer then removes his mirror sunglasses, gets in the middle of the guys face and says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember you're an Asshole!"

Three months later they are in court. The "Violator" has such a bad record he is about to lose his license and has hired an attorney to represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.

Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the citation you issued my client?"

The Officer responds, "Yes sir, this is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

Attorney: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this citation you don't normally make?"

Officer: "Yes sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH", underlined."

Attorney: "What does the AH stand for, officer?"

Officer: "Aggressive and Hostile Sir"

Attorney:" Aggressive and hostile"

Officer: "Yes Sir?"

Attorney: "Officer,,,, Are you sure it doesn't stand for Asshole?"

Officer: "Well Sir, You know your client better than I do!"