TO: GOD FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3 The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Ma's underwear when she's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table .

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

Ha, ha - good one, She Cat!! Numbers 4 and 7 apply to our dog - she's really a good dog - but at least she only uses her sofa as a face towel, ha, ha, ha!! And she doesn't do the crotch thing anymore, but she did when she was younger.

Now we need to find a version for cats!!

Hodge,

Thanks..... One of my side jobs... I take care of other people's animals when they are away. ALL of the dogs are crotch dogs!!!!!! But I do love them.

Glad that you enjoyed the joke.

Wendy

Things I have learned living in Florida----

1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Florida

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Florida....plus a couple no one's ever seen before.

4. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

5. Onced and twiced are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

7. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. Fixinto is one word.

10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.

11. Ice tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!

12. Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."

13. 'Jeet?' is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

16. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM FLORIDA IF:

1. You measure distance in hours not miles.

2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

3. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store".

4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

6. You know what a "DAWG" is.

7. You carry jumper cables in your pickup...for your OWN pickup.

8. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.

9. The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

10. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

11. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm".

12. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.

13. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" .

14. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.

15. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop It's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"

16. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

17. We don't need no stinking driver's ed....if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

I keep forgetting to share this video which Evie requested I post here. It is definitely her humour not my own! I do hope I removed the link correctly.

James T. Kirk Meets The Crazy Frog: youtube.com/watch?v=VD90Z_bXaOA

Just watched it. Where is the frog? Is that silly voice meant as the frog? Suppose I am out of touch. :dont-know

Jim.

Ok, that was weird. Not much of a star trek fan, never have, never will, but lovvvvveeeeeeee the frog. Huge fan of the crazy frog.

Well Anthony you are in good company, as Jim and I also found the clip quite peculiar. However, Jacob and Evie both find it hysterical, they have watched it at least a dozen times and laugh uncontrollably with each viewing. No accounting for taste I guess. :dont-know

Evie is also a big fan of the Crazy Frog, she in fact has a stuffed Crazy Frog which sits on her bed.

Question????? Is that the same frog as "The Blender Frog?" or "The Frog in the Microwave?" Kind of sick....But I love them... hehehehehehe

Wendy

No, not the same Wendy. The Crazy Frog is an animated character. Rather than me explain, here are a couple of links:

wikipedia: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crazy_Frog
youtube: youtube.com/watch?v=be2AUvIZLtE