FOAMY! www.illwillpress.com

Oh god Shadow... that was piss funny... thanks for that!

An appropriate read for not just the world cup passed, but all world cup, football and sporting events.

Attached Files

WorldCupRulesForWomen_1_.pdf (155.6 KB, 24 views)

A little bit of thought goes along way!

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.

When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course the Madam said no. He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Annie. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"

Letter: Mrs. Fenton,

Our store is considering banning you and your family unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.

MEMO

Re: Mr Bill Fenton ­ Complaints

15 things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5 minute intervals
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-buy.
6. September 14: Moved a 'Caution ­ WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Septembber 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna Look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the foetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into the fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

Thought for the day...

A train station is where a train stops.

A bus station is where a bus stops.

Here I am, sitting at a workstation ... ...

I love the workstation one!!!! And the frog one. Not so impressed with the football one - being a lady who understands the offside rule!

****ing in Austria

Austria is indeed home to a town called "****ing". (48' 03"N 13' 51"E)

Tourists are causing a lot of anxiety, and are costing money, to this tiny village where signs keep disappearing. What do the signs read? "Welcome to ****ing, Austria." Pronounced "fooking," the little hamlet of ****ing is named after the man who founded the village in the 6th century. His name? Focko.

The town sign has been stolen seven times in the last few months. With signs costing several hundred dollars a piece, much of the tiny town's budget is being spent replacing the signs, says Siegfried Hoeppel, the Mayor of ****ing. He went on to express his hope that further thefts will be avoided through the use of increased concrete and . . . bigger screws.

See image attached.

Attached Images

****ing.gif (28.4 KB, 28 views)

Finally, a dumb male blonde joke. See attached image.

Attached Images

dumbmale.jpg (197.6 KB, 43 views)

Scenario:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Answer:

Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're pissed.