I agree with you Jods,
I feel as if my hubby and i are dating :( i dont like it but thats the way it has to be i guess....
as for feelings....i guess its the other way around in my situation.... My hubby is the one who is not affectionate with me and i feel as if we dont connect romantically anymore because of the way he is not because of my feelings changing (i want to cuddle and hold hands, and he wants nothing to do with it at the moment) its so confusing.........

Thanks for your replies. On advice from the counsellor yesterday I sat with hubby last night and had a heart to heart I said to him I can see he is going ahead with this clinic and I am proud of him. I said that I appreciate that he is showing affection towards me but he needs to be really patient with me as I am still hurting. That was really hard for me to tell him that he had hurt me. We both had tears but Anne ( counsellor) said I had to be honest with him and now is the time to tell him as he is learning on the clinic about different emotions and feelings. Whereas she said I still have a lot of anger there. We got through that ok and I do feel some relief that I told him about the hurt.

I am glad you guys are getting help Jen. I know you are angry..but he is trying...its hard...you guys will get through it.. you both want it :)

Hi Jen

Hope it made you feel better after talking to your hubby. That's a great start!

Thanks for your support guys it did feel good to be able to open up to him. But I am not going to push it to much. The guys on the course are having a BBQ tomorrow so hopefully we go to that. He said he would like to go which is a good start as he just does not socialise anymore.
Jen

Good stuff Jen... well done to you both. Honesty is the best policy... and he already knew how much he had hurt you, he just didn't want to ask. You telling him makes him remember, but also lets him know that it is not him now, but you that must heal this. Both parties really do have a lot of work too do, and often we must step back, truly have a good look at ourselves without friends biased opinions, and see who can be better, and which one's responsibility it is for the most significant part of each feeling, in order to heal correctly. Both sides have their big issues and little issues, both sides must heal together for it too work.

Andrea, Your situation is the same as mine-- except we're not even dating. I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one in this situation & I'm not crazy. My husband says I'm blowing things out of proportion, that I expect too much; but it's very hard to go from a loving, affectionate relationship to just being housemates.

Anthony, I understand your message & I agree. However, when I very gently brought up the subject, he got defensive & said it's just gonna take time. From his tone & demeanor, I got the message he meant later rather than sooner. (But it's been this way for 9 months. How much longer?) I'm trying to be patient & supportive but I can't help feeling alone & angry at times, feeling rejected. We can't heal together because there is no "together."

Andrea hi, tig hi, Im in the same boat as you tig not even dating - he managed and hour with me on Friday to talk about practical stuff and hes just been here but went through the house to the garden to fix the tub and back out like a tornado!!!!!

I feel as if I have some kind of deadly contagious disease he cant get away from me fast enough. Asked him to read some stuff on PTSD and he told me it is medical munbo jumbo!!! and he might if he gets time. gave him a small book on how to manage life work balance "How to sweat the small stuff" he took it so that is an ordinary self help book for any male hope he doesnt throw it out ofthe car window as he drives to his rented accomodation!!?

All my friends feel sorry for me and this is distresssing my 80 year old mum who loves him vey much but although I miss caring for him not having him here I had to have him leave he would have killed us all with his behavior.
How long this can go on I dont know- We'll get to christmas and see what thenew year brings always hoping - take care of yourselves and we can take care of them thanks went on a bit sorry.....

Hannah, That's it!! I must have a deadly, contagious disease!! How did I not know?
None of our friends or family knows, so I have to act like everything's just great... You mentioned the holidays: that's a particularly bad time in our house because on the holidays, as a police officer he was always dealing with dangerous domestic violence cases & then somebody was always turning up dead. I have no problem understanding his Scrooge behavior; however, I cannot get him to understand that's gone now-- he's safe here. I did get him to stop watching the news-- baby steps.

What did you mean about him leaving & his behavior? (I joined in late...) There's a reason that I ask.

Well - he was up at 4am in the hot tub - we would have words before he went to work leaving me crying. would come in from work with cans of Lager under his arm have dinner then watch a violent film at 9pm fall asleep in the chair drunk went nuts if I woke him...... a cycle of pure abuse ans emotional detatchment any good tig?