Am I Being a Bitch? Straining Our Marriage! - Page 4

tig · #31 06-12-2006, 06:32 PM

Hi Ladies ;), Boy, I miss 1 day & I miss everything!
Hannah, don't worry about influencing my relationship; but I've had the same thoughts, too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrea42

I get told all the time that i make a big deal about everything... and that i expect too much...but i dont understand how he see's the way we are living as "ok" or "normal" even... he, on the other side see's it the opposite.... dont know if i am making sense, but he sees nothing wrong with the way he is and the way we interact :(
I dont get it :( I ask him how long this will last...and he has no idea...what the heck are we supposed to do in the meantime...

Wow-- it sounds like you were me talking to my hubby. Completely the same. Actually, it seems as if all 3 of us are in the same boat. (Hubby just read the above quote over my shoulder & asked if that was my entry. When I said "No" he said "Good,cuz I'd have to smack you upside your head."
Sweet, huh? I'm sure he'd say he was kidding... I just let it slide.)

Re: the above quote: He says that same stuff & he acts very defensive. He says to ..."Quit pushing him!" & the more I push the worse it gets. Hmm. He sleeps on the couch most of the time day or nite (when he sleeps). I can't really explain why but that really hurts.
He's still closed off but at least he's being a bit more friendly...

tig · #32 06-12-2006, 07:19 PM

Dear Hannah--

I hope you realize what you said--
He can't communicate.
such a strange face full of hatred and yet he says he could never ever hate me.....vocals and behaviour just do nottttttt match

Think about it for a second. He's got all this stuff going round in his head, yet though we try to be mindful of the trauma he's been thru, what we expect is him to act somewhat "normal." That's simply not possible.
I say this because I'm guilty of this myself.

I feel sorry about my reaction to his behaviour but it is human nature to defend one's self and the lioness in me arose to protect my children..... against their father ... mad isnt

Don't feel sorry-- you ARE defending your children, & rightfully so.

I'm sure his sister feels I am telling lies as she sees the normal gentle quiet side of him. SO she doesnt think he needs the help i do...oh my god how wrong people can get things if thy dont understand ironic I suppose thats us spouses as well.....

I would ignore the sister, etc (Unless it gets to the point where you have to have it out w/her. Unpleasant asit it, it may come to that point, but I hope not.) As you say, they just don't understand-- they can't.

I look forward to hearing from you!

hannah · #33 12-12-2006, 11:48 PM

Thanks another bit of sense about his non sense!!!!!! Yes
I can see that will try to be feminine wily without leting him see I am being manipulative..... bit of a breakthrough today ...... hes still not interested in Christmas he says he has bigger things on his mind ... I dared to ask what ...expecting him to say his job and lo and behold he said this separation........ so he is at last thinking about this ... could go either way

But will continue to be firm and logical that seems to stick with him just the facts no longwinded emotional stuff... thanks guys you are helping me loads ...God forbid I turn into an alien tho I like warm and cosy and sensitivity......more strength God please ..... am doing a good deed a day for someone so some good is coming of this mayhem keep up the good work