Not a nice way to wake. Any way you can put a lock on it? Even a simple eye and hook?

Well, I just found this thread and so glad that I did. My significant other isn't doing well at all, and that means that I'm also on edge here at all times, not to say or do anything that may get him started.

He didn't tell me that he had tried to get off his meds for a week, and here I have been wondering what's going on, cause each time I would say anything at all to him, it seemed like it bothered him.

He finally admitted to me that he was tired of taking the meds, he takes one for depression and one for the panic disorder that he has. Well it happened to be the depression meds that he decided to not take, so, his mind is now racing. He did call the pharmacy to get the meds, but he is now sleeping, as he did all night and day yesterday, and I just asked him if he wanted to shower before he went to get the meds, and he rolled over and said, I don't know, and went back to sleep.

I'm beginning to wonder if he even knows or wants me here with him. He rarely shows me any affection, even a touch would be nice. He sleeps all the time, so I'm here alone and just sit and worry about it all.

Any thoughts on what I can do to motivate him to actually get out of bed? Other than to drag him out, and Lord knows I don't want to have to do that. The results of that may just be terrible.

Correct cass... so, go for a walk, take in some scenery, go to the strand and walk it, then by the time your done, no more wanting to cut. Find something to occupy yourself, to distract your mind from anxiety, and soon enough you do it instinctively that when panic begins, you will go and do something to stop it.

My husband called me after his visit to the burn clinic today to tell me that they're going to go ahead and do some skin grafts after all. *sigh* I understand that this will help him heal faster...doesn't make it any more fun to deal with. He's going in Thursday. He's been told he'll be in one to three to five days...depending how much they have to do.

I have to work Thursday. It's end of month and I work in a sales department so that means massive invoicing. It's also the day we're having a company wide inventory. Plus hubby and I had talked about how it would be better for me to be occupied at work than to sit in the waiting room and worry. Besides-he's going to be pretty doped up afterwards.

Plus Friday my mom and step-dad (whom I've never met) are arriving for a visit. Now all of the plans we had made need to be revamped. And to top it off, my 'change oil' light came on in my car on the way home. So...if everyone will excuse me, I'm going to pitch a hissy fit for just a moment to get it out of my system:

*STOMPING AROUND* :boxem: :gunem-dow :up-yours: :angry-fla :hit-boss:

OK...I feel a little better.

My logical side keeps saying that 'change is inevitable, struggle is an option'. My emotions have told my logical side to stuff it! LOL

Hi Mystic :) it's nice to have you here
I'm sorry to hear about how PTSD has impacted your relationship.
When I first went on medication, I acted very similar.
Sometimes when the meds were adjusted, I would sleep all day... other times I was spaced out or in pain.

And you know what? I was in way too much mental and physical pain that I didn't even think about my partners needs either!!!
Only after reading your last post, did I realize just how horrible I must of made my partner feel... :(

At the time (and even now sometimes) all I wanted was "quiet".
With all the millions of thoughts racing through your mind constently, it gets really overwhelming and tiring.
Sometimes it's just easier on us to sleep away the effects of the med changes, but as you have shown, this is selfish.
We still need to ask our partner how there day has been, or share a intimate moment.
Unfortunatly we don't see this while we are doing it, we just want to stop hurting, and the last thing we want to be doing is destroying our loved ones!

You need to talk to you husband openly about how you are feeling.
Don't talk when either of you are upset.
Make sure you don't use accusing language ("you always...")
instead tell him how it is affecting you ("I understand that med changes are hard on you, and I'm trying to give you the space you need.... but at the same time, I still need some attention... if you would _______ (backrub, coffee date, conversation) once a day it would really mean alot to me")
By telling him what is bothering you and how he can easily fix it, hopefully things will get better for the both of you. (fingers crossed!)



Myself? Spaced out last couple of days.
Been busy cleaning my bedroom today.
Mom's coming to town on Friday, and I want the house to be clean.

Otherthan that...
the pain is escalating and I don't know how much more pain I can take.
My pain meds have been doubled... they do provide a "buffer" but definatly doesn't get rid of the pain, just brings it to a more managable level.
I've been waiting for a couple of months for an appointent to the pain clinic I was referred to.
Why would a cronic pain clinic make you wait so long??? Don't they understand I'm in cronic pain!!!!!!
And then... the biggest fear of all... will the pain ever go away???

ANyways.... I'm out of medication as of tonight.
It costs me something like $161.00 for only 1 week worth of meds... :(
I have to borrow money each week so that I can pay for my "drugs"... Right now I'm going week-by-week.
Trying to stretch the meds to last until I can afford a refill...
My doctors are trying to help as best as they can... often giving me "free trial samples" of my medications they have at the Dr. office.
The problem is... a whole case of trial samples only barely last a week because of the low dose they are distributed in!

I'm just ranting...
Y&A

I'm trying to Anthony, it's helping a bit. If I can't get out and walk or *something* I'll try to read or jump on the net for a bit.

I've finally started to accept that I have PTSD. I have finally accepted that what my brothers did to me was wrong, that it wasn't my fault, I also have accepted that I can't keep hurting myself, that I am transfering the guilt that I felt for their actions into a physical punishment..

It has taken a lot of me beating myself up at what I see now as sheer stupidity on my part. At least I can start to see that there is a door out of this prison that I have locked myself into.

I can heal, and I have chosen a path in life which will let me heal. I just have to persevere and remember that I can live through this. I can actually live my life and not just survive.


Proud of me? I am.

Oh, forgot to mention

I almost feel normal. Meaning instead of either being numb or furious I am actually able to cope with my emotions today.

I am actually happy. I think I forgot how that feels.

I'm proud of you. Enjoy your happiness, Cass. Good work.

Y&A sounds like great advice for us all to follow to step back and look! We can be so self centered at times and just don't grasp we are.

I am so sorry to hear about problems with paying for your pain meds. I do not know much about Canada (OK, your flag is red and white and y'all are North), but don't y'all have a system that covers that? I mean don't y'all pay an ass load of tax so not to have to incur those costs? Hell we have a bitch of a time over here paying and are not taxed as hard. I hope you are able to get to the pain clinic soon!

Hubs hit a low point this afternoon and seemed so depressed. We had been joking at the doctors office because we were bored and he took a depression test... He said he was disappointed he scored so low and how I always ace those tests LOL... He is a smart ass. But we know we are moving, he put money down, he signed a lease. But still it had to go before the church elders, as it was used as home for the the pastor and his family and is property of the church (pastor bought a house so it is up for rent). Well, he got the call they approved it today and his mood went so down hill FAST. He said he had to just get out of the house, I totally can relate, he has been cooped up with me and a toddler and Lord only knows which of us is worse. He perked up after a bike ride and out of the house for a bit. Guess he is uneasy about the move too, I really thought he was happy to go back home and be close to family.

Tired here, nightmares all night last night. It has been a while since having them so no rest. Hubs had commented he was pleased to see me sleep as I still don't do much since coming off the SSRI and let me. I did sleep long but it was fitful. Very sore today and frustrated at shrinks. Just a long crappy day.

I'm doing well considering.... I've shed more tears today than I wanted and boy did my mood swing from high to low. A friend of mine showed up today and she was actually very supportive. Somehow that made everything all better...for now. Tomorrow is a new day.