Yep, proud of you cass... totally. Great stuff, and please keep it going.

YA... I am sorry things suck at the moment, and finances certainly make things that bit worse for everyone. I wish I could fix all things sometimes, but I know I can't... hang in there and keep fighting, for yourself.

Bad panic attack today. Was in the shower and could have sworn I heard the door open.

Bro was home which didn't help the freak out. Even though the door was shut still and locked I just panicked so bad and couldn't calm down. I was in the tub shaking and rocking unable to breathe. Blacked out for a bit, well, more then a bit cos when I came to the water was cold.

Been fragile today ,well since then. Did however remember to wash and cleaned my room up XD. Which is an improvement, i can now actually walk in there without falling over shoes.

A part of me is tired of thinking about stuff. It seems challengint enough to get through the day, an hour and a half bus ride home and then think about dinner or eating dinner... and then I collapse into sleep. I am working hard on my cognitions though. Trying not to take anything personally and doing my best... realizing that my best is different at different times. I am doing better than just maintaining... I looked at that list that you posted, Anthony and I felt daunted by the list. I scrolled through it several times realizing that I have felt and continue to feel so many of those things.. but have a hard time finding words to them. I realize that is easier to just go through my day if there are not triggers... to try and evoke thoughts, memories, feelings. I admit to feeling like, "why should I bother posting?" Esp since I don't have anything extraordinary to post. Maybe I am finding some level of refuge in being numb.

I am feeling better at the moment... due to chatting in the chat room.
Thx for caring people :)

Y&A

Bro dearest isn't home tonight *party*

Okay, So I know I will probably sleep good tonight. Always a good thing XD

I am awake this AM and getting back on track feeling wise. I have felt like shit after shit. But I am not so overwhelmed feeling today, but it is only just after 8, I still have the day to do!

Hubs started packing last night. We had our first freeze of the season went form low 70s and shot down to below 32. So of course what happens? Power goes out, for me it just would not go any other way. I am freezing my ass off! The heat is gas and I have not had my tank filled for this winter here and do not plan to as it is costly and I am moving. Also, I don't want anyone in here to do the inspection which they always do when the tank is empty and more money. So space heaters are trying to catch up since power is back on this AM.

Hubs is a sweetie and went to town to get breakfast for me... He was in town and got him and the kids but left me out, but I was up when he got home.

I was able to go get my son yesterday and let hubs nap. He is off work to help me with the baby and do these things. But After reading about how we need to be more thoughtful of our partners and rereading some stuff Boo wrote the where it said "I choose" are powerful words, I was able to push pass the panic and do it. I did not go to the grocer like son wanted but he can get over it. Started some laundry and plan on finishing it today.

Ok. So I got my dates wrong. Will try to learn from it and not forget tomorrow!!! Must have had a senior moment (one of many recently).

Day has been crappy. I think I just worried myself into sickness. I've got all the aches: head, stomach, gut, and muscle. No fever, so part of me just thinks it's pretty much my own doing.. Better day tomorrow.

Day not as planned or hoped. It is almost 4 AM and still up. House cold again. Did not finish laundry but hubs was out doing errands all day... Toddler kept me busy and during nap time I was so full of nightmares. Really scared of leaving Texas. And oh joy my mom called tonight. Downside my phone recovered enough to ring and son bugged me about answering and I said it is hospital calling for money I am not picking up... Then I get shit maybe it is his aunt or grandmother, I said I am not in the mood to talk to them. So soon as I say that hubs phone rings and it is mom and he passes it to me. He just hears me say I did not want to talk GRRRR...

Ever see the movie Groundhog Day?
Yeah well it sucks. Just like the last several days.
On top of it all, I have finals in two weeks. Oh Boy!
Also, three papers due next week.
THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER!