I don't know if I've been in this thread before or not...

Anyways I just got back from the lake today. My uncle took me ice fishing. I caught some walleye and pike and my uncle caught a cold LOL.

I'm feeling a bit better but I hate the holiday stress also.

yikes! the kids at school were just buzzing today. all excited about christmas and the party tomorrow. i had to take my class and leave the lunchroom early because of the maddening din. made me shake like jello. other than that, a pretty good day.
cathy

LOL! Cathy! I love to hear your daily stuff with your kids at school.

My days have been very busy. I keep getting sick though. I've got infection number 2 going right now, which I'm trying to quelch out. UGh!

I'm totally stressing myself out for the holidays because, well, I want to save face. I need to make sure that I give the perfect gift.... Some are for people that I genuinely care for but for others it's to make sure they don't feel left out... Why do I do this? Anyway, I'm finishing up scrapbook number 4 and working on scrapbook number 5. I hope they like them.... I can not wait for December 26th! SLEEP!

UGGGG!!!! What a week. Every day this week I've felt worse and my anxiety higher. Muscles hurt, tired, extremely jumpy...you name it, I think I've had it this week. The worst has been the muscle pain in my upper chest and, for some reason, indigestion out the wazoo. Doesn't make for a happy combination.

Last night my husband handed me the phone and the card with my therapist's pager number on it and said, 'Call him...that's what he's there for'. Man, I still hate asking for help. So I paged him, he called back and we talked for a while. All of this started on Monday-my hubby went back to work on Monday. And yes, I'm worried about him getting hurt again. It's so nice when others can see what you can't when it's right under your nose. *grr* Add that to all of the 'stuff' I've been dealing with, and holiday stress...seems I've been having myself some good, old fashioned panic attacks. Lovely. Since I'm on a very low dose of meds, he said to go ahead and up the dose for the next few days until Christmas is past and I can drop that stressor out of my life. I was surprised when he said a lot of his patients up their doses of meds around the holidays just to help get through them.

I keep telling myself that I'm going to get better and I'm not going to let it beat me...but this PTSD bitch puts up one hell of a fight and it seems like every freakin' step is a battle. Too bad we can't send the PTSD on a cruise or something for the holidays. LOL

Marlene:

It's funny I've been thinking about taking an extra dose or two myself! LOL, I had no idea that was common for the holidays.. hmmmm maybe I should talk to my doc. then again, I'd rather be stubborn and just stick to what I am on...

Bec

sighs and grrs

I know why my grandmother and I *don't* get on.

bangs head hard.

Had her sniping at me for the last two days about how lazy I am and how it's so shocking that I don't have a job and Grrrrrs

At least *for once* my bro is getting as much shit as me. Not that it makes me feel any better.

Hope your Christmas is going ok...
mine is kinda a drag...
my hubby is depressed. The only ones happy here are the dogs & horses. The dogs are even happier than the horses! The dogs get to come in the house & be fed. The horses just get fed in the barn. At least being in the barn, they are out of the wind and cold... even if it isn't all that cold here.
(30's). Wondering if we are going to get just rain or maybe some of the white stuff... I have never had a "white Christmas". Guess it would be just my luck when no one but hubby is here & no $$, to have a white Christmas... I guess I would just have to take pictures and be stupid and go play in the snow...

Take pictures for the family............ the memories of the good will help someone.........maybe even you........

Walked the dog/s 4 times tonight and once went out alone. Extreme panic blindsided me this AM when I was up and tired, hubs poking pills and trying to get me down. Went down until this afternoon and they hit me so hard again upon waking. Very severe today. But tonight has been fine and I was able to deal with one med free and get through it, still not sure how I did. Very sucky day, and it has driven my appetite through the roof! Of course no one open on X mas eve... I gotta cook as cheetos are not cuting it :P

hey veiled, i guess you made it to your destination! sorry that you're having so much trouble with panic attacks, maybe they'll decrease as you settle there.
cathy

I am hoping so... I was up until about only 2 and the panic started up again and could not knock it out. So pissed to take meds. I hate when I have to. Finally fell asleep after 3.

But I slept off and on through the night/morning, bad dreams about evil ex, just yelling at me though. So not sound but I lasted in bed until about 9:30 so that was new...

Hubs had gone to lay down with pissed off toddler at 3 AM. I said no more kids in my bed, period. She has a twin now and we tossed the King size for the full so no room for little one. Defeats the purpose if you go sleep with her in that bed... She is 3 now, time to sleep alone.

Go in at almost 10 to wake him and I did not feel bad for a change upon waking, normally I am all jitters. Well, that quickly changed when I asked him to go in town (not ours, no fast food here) and get the kids for breakfast...It is late. Well, decent mood lasted from my room to the little one's when he rips into me how little sleep he got (ya think? On a twin size bed with a 3 year old? What a shocker) Acts like I asked him to move Heaven and Earth to feed them. Well, shit no milk here or eggs... Can't find the hinge for the fridge door! Well, hell it wasn't like I had the most peaceful night either...

Then Ham comes up from son... I asked where are you getting ham? He said the grandparents, OK non-issue and it was just dropped there, I asked a question, son answered. But hubs pipes in well we don't have to go. WTF? We already discussed they were going I was not but now it gets turned if I am not I am stopping them? I am already pissed off said excuse the fk out of me if I cannot be your puppet on a string. I am in a pissy mood all the way around.

Shit I am doing all I can to bathe daily here and keep it up, use make-up, and walk my dogs after dark. I am actually getting out of my house which is never done.

I know I am a wreck as one dog is sleeping with me and even if hubs is in the bed and if not she is laying on the floor next to me. When I get jacked my dog gets it. Seems only "person" who does is the dog.

And hell, after his attitude I would have been more than happy to go do it myself if I would not get lost! But since I have no clue where the f* I am... He calls with I love you no one open in this town going to next in a half pleasant voice. Shit how do you go from dick to that so quick???

I want to just go hide back in bed so not to bother the big hairy pain in the ass... And hon if you start reading this yes, I am talking about you!

I just don't get it, were the switches that jack me up expected to just shut off when I got here? Shit still needs to be done and I refuse to doll up and go fake it just to make myself worse than I am now.

The move was to remove triggers that are everywhere, but I am needing to destress. I did not get shit (thankfully) for not going to the nativity yesterday as I was in bad shape, but as far as I am concerned at this point he can shove this day up his backside and leave me alone.

Fk, make up your mind be an asshole or mr.understanding... Taking a damn pill and going back to bed. Rather sleep this day away already!