YA, I was just thinking about this today before I read your post. I was wondering how you were feeling about your upcoming surgery. (No, I didn't forget.) I hope you can find peace between now and then. ((hugs))

Awwww Thanks Nam :)
much appreciated!

Anthony, honestly I don't know how I feel about the surgery.
I don't think I'm really afraid of it... just afriad that after the surgery the pain will still be here.
There have been no promises made about pain reduction, but it is a possibility... and who knows what'll happen.

I understand that after the surgery I will have to begin to recover physically again... but the fear of living with this constant facial agony is terrifying, and I just want some relief.

I don't know what to expect... will they be able to improve my sense of smell? will they straighten out the bends? will they be doing grafts this time or next? Will this increase my pain?
The surgeon will probally answer my questions more the day of surgery.
'til then I can only wonder

How much is wondering beating you up at present YA? If it is, maybe instead of waiting, you should ring up your surgeon and ask... explain that you have PTSD from it, you are getting very distressed about the "what if's", and have a list of questions to ask him and get clarification, so atleast your only going to worry about certain unknowns, not things that could possibly be clarified over a phone.

Y&A you know my best wishes are with you.

Not very social today. My cat died and well, he just could not handle the move at 17 years old. I did not have him the entire 17 but for years now. He came to me because of military family unable to move move him over seas. Just a bit in the dumps and have worked on releasing the emotions... Not working, went right back in suck it up mode like auto pilot and panic attacks of course ensued... Just a rough day and night. Ended up sleeping the most of the day again even though "slept" lastnight, and got out with the dogs tonight. Was going to stop at the local bar while walking and grab a drink (first time to be in a social situation in God knows how long). Go figure they closed the damn thing down soon as I get to town... It was open X mas eve??? Fk it. Found a good pic of the kitty eating with my chickens I am going to frame and put up. SO now drinking half strength beer... What the hell? In Texas a beer was a beer up North it is that strength at a bar or liqor store and 1/2 at the quickie mart??? Gotta get used to Yankee land.

I just hate it when someone loses a pet,
my best wishes are also with you veiled
It sounds like at 17 years, your cat had a nice long life
Framing a beautiful picture would be a great way to keep your kittie with you
and I'm sure things are going to start looking up for you soon :)

Anthony,
No, I'm not worrying excessively at all I think.
Basically I just don't think about it... it's gonna happen... so getting worked up about it isn't going to help me right?
As I type this I notice what I'm doing is probally pulling out my good 'ol PTSD buddy "avoidance" and hiding behind that.
But. I just don't want to think about it.
So I really don't even have the urge to talk to the surgeon really... I think it would probally just 'cause me to have to go through another panic attack @ a public place or on the phone anyways.

When I feel more recovered from the holiday stresses,
I will hopefully look more into my feelings towards this situation,
but... feeling the way I do right now... I doubt it'll happen anytime soon.

Take care,
Y&A

Hehe, I don't believe in cruel and unusual punishment for dogs!!

She is over 50lbs.. pretty hard to dress up (nevermind the fact that I feel sorry for dogs who are in clothes!) The booties are for protecting her feet. When it's -45 degrees with a windchill, her paws freeze to the ground.. the booties will protect her from that so she can enjoy her snow...

Bec

Snow booties vs clothing on the dog... Booties a need for pets. Hubs had taken me out during the day since I have been here and we got lost. We debated asking for directions... Yes, I make assuptions about people. He said how about that asking that guy? (he was walking a dressed up dog) I said I am not taking directions from anyone who dresses their pet, they are as screwed up as me!!

LOL
My dog wears a hoodie when he goes out, (I cut up one of my old ones to fit him)

Pitbull with a sweater... yes, we get alot of "looks"
But I figure if I'm cold... he must be too

Veiled, sorry to hear about your cat, it Suxs, Y &A you should listen to Anthony and phone and get your questions answered so you have less stress prior to your surgery, doesn't mean you wont still stress just then its less to worry about .
I had an OK day thought for a sec I could see the light, it was nice just Tara and I some much needed mommy and baby time, makes me wonder sometimes how it can be so overwhelming and then a little one comes with no expectations and you drop everything for them and want the world for them. Anyways hope others are having a better day as well. Everyone should listento the song Let it go by Blue October it is very relaxing

Grrr... my whole response got deleted when I accident'y clicked the back button....
long story short....
I've asked the surgeon about these questions before, but they told me out of honesty that they wouldn't really know much until they are inside (during surgery).

take care all,
Y&A