I got one hour of sleep. One bloody hour. I have noooo sleeping pills. OMG, this week is not going to be fun. Today, the round of appointments for court starts, so I am starting the stress out, trigger, lose sleep cycle. Joy, oh Joy. I hope that bastard rots in hell for this.:cussing:

Bec

oh, bec, you REALLY need to sleep right now. couldn't you call your dr. and get some sleeping pills for the short term? i can't imagine going to court, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
cathy

Nope, I can't. Despite the therapist pleading with doc to keep giving the sleeping aids. He is refusing and I'm cut off. I don't get paid till Friday, so I will go and get over the counters then. I have to just suck it up and drag my sorry ass into work. Nothing I can do. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to this...

Bec

hugs Bec tight

Ah sleep.... bec and MJ! Your body is telling you something if it cannot sleep because of emotional pain... deal with the pain. Yes, this means you have not fully dealt with lots of emotional pain (trauma) as yet, and is acceptable providing you continue on the journey itself to heal. We often expect way to much of ourselves far too soon of realistic expectations. Stop being hard on yourselves, as you both have a long way to go before your going to see totally sanctity in life once again. This year can be your year... you both know what has to be done, so do it.

MJ, I would expect to be seeing you actually participating in the mental imagery trial with Dr. Roerich actually... for your own self help.

Yes, it will be the year of healing for me. It's my goal. Right now I'm just whomped. All the triggered emotions, the trial next week, the imagery. I slept after my victim services appointment tonight. I slept hard. I just got up because I was craving ice cream (very bizzare, I eat ice cream once every few years?) and am heading back to bed. I figure I better get sleep when I can because I have a week to go until trial. It's only going to get worse until I face him. Quite the way to deal with a trauma, eh?

Bec

Bec, good luck with your trial... Don't try to be "strong" during it. You know it will be hard. Just don't do what I did (and at this point I can look back and find a smidgen of humor as I have to) Don't do hysterical laughing. For some reason it really bombed my case at the grand jury! So if you don't try to be "strong" by sucking it up and let your emotions free then they probably won't come out as skewed and backwards as mine did that fateful day.

I know exactly what you are walking into and I have been there. You try to take care of yourself as you are going to be pretty wiped out when it is done, but it will be a well earned tired. You can do this. (Oh, and don't throw any loose objects either at him).

When those real emotions are allowed to show it shows. It did for me in a different court years later but I got a little satisfaction knowing it was recognized even if it was civil court and not criminal. The judge knows when it is BS. Sadly the grand jury has no judge they are more or less a stepping stone of ignorant peers to the real courts.

Again I know you can do this. Take care of your mind and body right now.

wanders through.

Considering making an attempt at the mental imagery thing *grins*

why do I think I will not like the results.

Oh, Luke is still a sweety and I am very very content at the moment.

Feels like I'm high, minus the drugs. Did forget to take my pills yesterday *but* only had a little anxiety (odd since i met his parents). Was easily managed though. Didn't freak too majorly *g* and managed to wrap them around my little finger.

Did however get the proverbial mum talk, only not from his mum, rather from mmy aunt *eye roll*

fun.
Lets just say I don't plan on breaking his heart. Not if I can help it.

It pretty much sucked though I did curl my hair! And it stayed!! Hubs said he did not know what to make of it as he had never seen it that way. I have done it but it lasts zero time. But out here a curl holds. Wow. And funny thing is I did not have steam coming off like usual when I try it.

And my little one! She made me so proud. She just turned 3 in December but she tried to write her first word! She sounded it out and wrote COD. She was trying to write cold but forgot the L. Hell, she is only just turning 3 and did it all on her own with zero help out of the blue! Who am I to nit pick???? Oh I hope she is like her brothers being so smart! And her letters were perfect! Though she does get made when she shows me an I or H. Depending on the angle she brings it to me I cannot tell which it is, and I am usually wrong. I am so tickled she is writing her alphabet and even trying to do words.