My hip kills, having trouble walking. Hands/ wrists are aching, going to go to docs tomorrow and see about it. Also going to try get either a change in meds or *something* as well as hopefully something to make me sleep.

I seem to be all over the place today. Stil haven't so much as had a shower and gotten dressed. Having trouble making my fingers work to type. Made supper, soup and sandwiches. Keep flipping from being in a void, to angry to extremely sad. I refuse to leave my house today and I don't want to talk to anyone.. I've become exceptionally paranoid of the phone and door.. ugh.. fun fun..

bec

felt vulnerable at work. My mananger noticed something was off. She's cool, though and knows my mom is a fruit, rotting on the vine. Stayed too late at work. It was hard to think. Mixed stuff up, but stayed at work until i sorted stuff out. It's so cold here right now... the cold really triggers me. I felt like I wanted to kill the bus driver for not letting us sit on the bus instead of freezing in the cold. Just took a sleeping pill, brushed my teeth and washed my face and moisturized (all huge for me!). Beyond tired. Food does not appeal. All I want to do is stay in bed and shut out the world.

Been a hard day. A lot of you know my son was to fly in to see me since my move here. Well, he has been ill and got other infections as a result. Another doc visit today and apparently some type of vacuum effect in his ear. Bad enough his whole eye is very red like ruptured vessels in it on that side of his face. Doc says he cannot fly because of pressure. I have been very much crying and a mess. It is so hard not being there while ill and him getting ill moving in with his dad. It hurts missing him so much and so sick. Now I will miss his birth day this weekend on top of it all. He will miss the snow he wanted to see and me. I will have to put a snow ball in the freezer for him.

So hard not to scoop them up. It is my child and he lived with me until X mas. Now poof... I miss him and it is just hard not having him here.

Plus I was out witted my my 3 year old. Yeah, not all there today.

:up-yours: is what I wanted to say to my casemanager [from our local mental health center].....He said today that last year at this time I was also paying co-pays for my meds.....Said that he didn't remember that I had any problems with it last year.....It was like trying to talk to a brick wall....To me on my very fixed income $40 is a lot of money!!! Also I am paying the rest of my traffic fine of $80!!! So once again I face the possibility of having to be in the hospital if I am not able to squeeze out the co-pay $$s....STRESS!!!!! No wonder I am doing a lot of disasociating....:dont-know what's going to be happening with me....I am so distraught about being so submerged in poverty and I can't see anyway out....this is certainly not a way to have a quality of life!!!!!! I just love being able to do my photography....and it's so disappointing not to be able to afford to do it.....that was my primary artistic mode of expression.....crap on that!!!!!

Been doing the DREADED Clean-Up the shed thing. Yes, I live in the country, but we have wood-rats (aka pack rats). The thing is these have stolen ALL kinds of things for their nests. (DAMN, I HATE RATS --- DID I MENTION THAT) I found Barbie clothes, cardboard shredded, insulation, various foods ie dog food, duck food, etc, The DAMN RAT even packed off tools, screwdrivers, electrical supplies (we are re-doing the inside of several rooms), (DAMN, DID I MENTION THAT I HATE RATS!).....:gunem-dow
Now -- I have to clean the shed, trap the rats, throw away a bunch of stuff because it is damaged...in addition to helping my daughter mud (drywall type mud) her room, feed cattle, horses, duck, etc.
My daughter had in storage an a Breyer Horse Barn (4 those unfamiliar w/Breyer horses, they are collector type stuff, can be toys etc) this barn is probably 18 inches square, 12-15 inches tall... IT WAS STUFFED by the rat...
Stating this have I mentioned DAMN I HATE RATS ! As my daughter (22yrs) is going through the little barn -- she says if the rat latches on to my finger, I'm going to land in your lap.....I was NOT sitting down...
NO, it did not latch on to her finger, we did not even see it, THANKFULLY OR I WOULD HAVE SHOT IT (with a shotshell meant for snakes). Hey dead is dead !
Keeping all this in mind ---- I keep hoping I won't get that nasty fever those kinds of critters are known for spreading around... hemoraggic fever ? Something like that -- its nasty in some case kill ya... being dead wouldn't be bad, just the time it takes to kill ya.... DAMN ---- HAVE I SAID ANYTHING ABOUT NOT LIKING RATS !!!!!!!!:angry-fla lol ALOT

The "ranger" isn't having a good day.... (ok now's it's yesterday) anyway, things just aren't "their abnormal crappy stuff" it's above & beyond....

I know this is not a big problem, as problems go..................Certain things get to me worse than others... I getting used to the abnormal crappy stuff and now this just "triggered" me for whatever reason..................
I'm not really afraid of the wood rat, actually they are fairly harmless critters,
THEY JUST NEED TO LIVE IN THE WOODS--- NOT MY SHED !!!!!!

:cuckoo: Maybe I will start feeling better now that I have that off my plate..

Hope u readers enjoyed this real-life soap of ranch life... ranch life is NOT romantic............ or fun ....................... IT SUCKS ON SOME DAYS !!!

D (wildcritter)

Nothin wrong with rats *prepared to be swatted*

My girls are fine.

Gacks. Me, not so fine. Feverish and there is a cyclone in the gulf, a low of of Cairns that they expecting to form into a cyclone tonight and oh, guess what, more freaking rain!!!!!!

At least the trains could get throug hwith food today.

Ohhh Ughhh I am sicker than a bloody dog today. I can barely talk, can't breathe.. I'm going to kill whoever gave me this cold.. I don't even know how I caught it as I don't leave my house or see anyone! Ugh.. I slept last night. on and off sleep.. just from sheer sickness.. no drugs other than the crap I'm shoving in myself for this bloody cold.. I haven't been this ill in a few years at least.. guess I'm due.. ughhh

bec

Got an $84 ticket this morning for not having the jeep inspected. Grrrr the longer he followed me after the stop the more nervous I got. Swore he would pull me over again for swerving all over the place because I was shaking so bad. Not a good morning but the sun is out so optimistic about this afternoon. Did get the jeep inspected, can't afford the tickets. The officer was really nice. Told me if I inspected within the next two days he would drop the amount to half in court. Will end up paying whole amount as you would have to tie me up and drag me to get me to enter another court room. It is definitly worth it for me.

Hey Bec,

In sympathy for you. I was knocked out with one of those cold/flu things a few weeks back. Only positive was that it actually made me rest! Take care!