Just woke up, called and tried to get in to see my GP today or tomarrow, but he's booked until next week.
(I already had an appointment for next week, so I'm just keeping it)

FRIG!!!! It's gonna be one of those days....
I decided to take a typing break and take my meds...
Firstly, I'm out of meds. I only have enough to take my morning dose.
So I try to take it, and of course my twitching hands drop one of my pills (a really really important one)
Ughhhh... takes me over 15 min to finally find the lil bugger in the carpet.
(I can't get a refill till boyfriend gets home with the truck)

Secondly... as I'm about to take a sip of water to wash down the pills...
My hand gets another twitch... and I drop the full glass of water... right infront of me at the computer...
My lighter, smokes, monitor, keyboard, mousepad... k, basically everything is soaked.
Ughhhh..... this day had better start looking up.

Well, so far so good.. mostly. Had to fight off a panic attack ALL day yesterday. (that really sucked) Got up today and managed 20 whole minutes on the eliptical machine.. downed a protein shake and a cup of coffee. Took a shower, got dressed, EVEN put on some makeup.. WOO HOO!! But I'm still tip-toeing, I'm afraid at any minute the 'ugly thing' will return. Hubby has joined (Ubu) and I'm glad for him. Its frustrating for us both to not know where my head is at, he needs to vent and be validated in his own right.. just like me. So I'm eekin' along.. minute by minute.. trying to hang on. Hope everyone is doing well today.. :redface:

growls grumbles and feels like thrwing shit.

Been see sawing between aggro and anxious today.

Mother dearest pulled the guilt trip thing on me. Ended up stuck at the shops with her all day cos the car was in the mechenics. All I wanted to do was sleep.

Need to do my ratties cage tomorrow. Was going to do it today (why I'm so bloody annoyed at MD.)
The wet weather and continual dampness isn't helping with the whole keeping the rattie cage smelling clean *sighs*

Just all grrrr and I need to sleep so bad. I just want to sleep. can't close my eyes though Every time I do I feel like something bad is going to happpen. Don't know specifics, just something bad.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSS

am so sick of this bloody depressing rain. Thanks to bloody ex tropical cyclone Nelson the weather isn't looking like clearing any time soon.

Feck of rain, I just want to wash. I jsut want to be able to hang clothes on the line, sheets, my doona and let it get some freaking air and freshness.

I am having a good day!

It's a snow day, so I'm off from work. I got up and did m therapy homework straightaway (writing about my trauma) and I re-read it several times, then put it away so I can't tear it up and throw it away before my session next week.

I'm watching tv with lots of candles lit, feeling pretty serene. And I'm going to take some pictures with my camera (A Holga toy camera with a Polaroid back to make instant photos) to put in my journal.

exhausted... that pretty much sums my day up

Well I sound better feel worse.. LOL go figure. very exhausted keep having to have little naps during the day. I can't breathe and it's driving me nuts.. ugh.. Matt stayed home today. Said he felt dizzy. Once I woke up, I figured out it's anxiety.. he's worrying about walking to school because of his brother. So we did some work on "assuming" what others do to reality of what others do. Hopefully it helps some. He's going back to school tomorrow.. grrr.. it's frustrating to see how his ptsd is affecting him right now.. still can't get his anxiety down to a functioning level..

However, he told me his room looks like it should so I guess he likes it.

He was also looking over my shoulder at the forum today and told me that our little picture of the dog should be the owner tied to a dog house, growling with the dog calmly reading a paper.. LOL I thought that was funny and fitting. Gotta love kids astutness...

bec

Bad night last night.. couldn't fall asleep.. had bizarre dreams.. woke up, unfortunately.. uggh.. :frown: Spoke to my brother, found out some info from years ago that I didnt remember. (refer to swiss cheese comment) I would have been around 16 or 17.. I have NO memory of it whatsoever.. I could tell he was surprised.. so then I called my sister. I asked her if SHE remembered this time.. she did.. so I'm crying because I dont remember it at all.. and I'm frustrated. So my sister sits on the phone with me for like 2 hours (she lives in Arizona) and I write down on paper, a chronilogical timeline of my life. Just figured that I'd start out by trying to remember where I lived and when. That'll be my starting point.. then I guess I need to figure out what if anything happened at each point. so needless to say.. my day so far has been F#&*'d. thank you, that is all.

Ugh.. someone please come and off me.. please! Too sick to do anything at all, tried to nap and had bizzaro dreams which kept waking me up until I finally bailed outta bed.. i was dreaming about skiing, and chris and my mom and anthony who said I was "high maintence" and and and.. it was bizzare.. it was all mushed into one dream and when I woke up it made no sense to me.. LOL starting to get really paranoid of anything that goes past my house, the door.. etc. having a hard time sleeping.. running out of meds sucks..

bec

ouch... running out of meds is awful!!!
Did your refill script run out? or do you have no way to get to the drug store?

no stupid doctor only perscribes enough for two months at a shot and I ran out before I get to see him again ( I see him this friday) and since he works for two clinics (one is private that I don't go too.. so they won't accept my calls) I can't get ahold of him.. he is in on the day I go.. ugh.. it wouldn't be so freaking aweful if I hadn't of gotten severly sick at the same time.. LOL my son keeps making me baloney sandwhiches to eat.. he is so sweet.. everyone who calls here keeps thinking they have the wrong number LOL I can barely talk for more than a minute.. I'm too stuffed up and it hurst my throat.. ohhh I do not make a good sick person.. I want to whine but no one to whine at.. LMAO.. set backs of being alone I guess.. no one to complain too or make them make me chicken soup.. LOL

bec