Give my best wishes to Whisper, I know how hard it is when you can't bring your 'baby' to the vet... my poor dog had to wait 3 paychecks before we could take him to the vet for an ear infection. :(

I'm doing well here, even though it's waaaaay too cold. Right now, with the sun shining, (very deceiving) and blue skies, my thermometer reads -7 F/-22 C!! Not exactly nice out. My kids are driving me bonkers from not being able to get out of the house, and I'm getting restless myself.

I'm anxious to get past the 12 week mark so I can relax a little! I'm only a week away. The bito (bun in the oven) is doing good...I think, must be, because he's hungry all the time! Yes, I'm blaming my pigging out on my baby. LOL! One thing for sure, I feel so much better this pregnancy than my other two. I was extremely sick for the first four months. This one makes me eat, not puke! Much more pleasant. I hope all goes well with all of you.

yes, I would have to agree... eating is definatly way better than puking!!!
I say munch away!!!


Had a good cry at the therapist this morning... couldn't handle the new topic we were discussing. Oh well, that's life, right?

Ughhhh... I have to get some errands done today... it's gotten to the point that companies are having to call and remind me to get paperwork done or bills to pay....

Son's birthday today and since his flight to see me tomorrow was postponed pretty pouty and missing him pretty hard, but he is feeling better now. And my 3 year old is a stink. She sneaked in and closed my bedroom door this AM instead of plopping on me as per usual. I rolled over and saw the clock and full bore adrenaline kicked in as I had slept way late shooting out of the bed. Stink was happy as you please watching nick jr. Looking all over no damage done, even laundry was still folded. She then asked if she could have some broccoli. Uhh sure. Then she wanted carrots. She was sick throwing up yesterday and felt better by evening. But I think she is still off with wanting carrots and broccoli in the morning. But hell yeah if that is what she want for breakfast. Trying not let depression slip back in... Just drained. Miss my boy so much and my teen is growing up. I just never see him anymore it feels like. He is such a "social butterfly" now. (what do you call boys like this?) He is always gone now. So I guess the move is doing great for him. From what the teachers report back apparently he is a hit with the girls... Always messing and flirting with him... Stuff I hate hearing about my baby growing up.

Hi All,
Just reading up on everyone since i have not had time to come on here much... hope everyone is well...
i have not been doing so good but i am happy at the fact that i found a doctor and i will be meeting her for the first time tomorrow! i am nervous but happy that i am finally starting to do something for myself :) just sucks that it took so long and put the people i care about and love through so much............

had an OK day today I had an appt. with doc we talked through some tough stuff includeing memories and emotions as well as self harm thoughts, we are discussing if an in hosp stay is required or not she thinks that I may get away with being an outpatient as long as I keep my self harm thoughts in check

Whisp is a lot better today. At least she isn't fighting for every breath.

The Sun Is Out :D
Is good, haven't seen sunlight in three weeks. I miss seeing blue sky.

Still very sleepy. considering having a nap ;)

Snugs Mouse lots.

Got my children off to school. Was on the forum this morning and took a much needed rest at about 1pm which turned into me falling asleep. Every few min. I'd wake struggling not to sleep bc well then no one would be there to pick up my children from school. An amazing thing happened. My husb. walked through the door more than 1 1/2 hr. earlier than usual, and with very few words spoken, as I was sleeping real well, just barely conscious, he told me he'd pick up the kids. Had it not been for him....I don't even want to think of it.

Afternoon went fairly well. Will say husb. was stressed early this evening, as he has a lot on his mind concerning my son's behaviors and his husb. expect. of kids and I. He dealt with his tensions well. Later husb. sat down with me, checked out the forum, he made it about 15 min. and his eyes just shut as he fell asleep. Kids are doing mostly well. The evening went incredibly well with me making a couple phone calls.....Long, and great convers.! Not much to complain about today.

I had a good day.. of avoidance... I got laundry done, I did my dishes, had my "date" with my son, talked to my dad, talked to my best freind, cut my mother out of my life complete with grounds for charging her with police if need be.. and I'm an absolute emotional wreck right now. I don't want to go to sleep because I know I will cry and if I cry, my eyes will swell, ooze and puff shut for the next three days. I have to go to the docs tomorrow get my meds I'm out of and demand to see the damn psych.. I've waited quite long enough! I have been in his office enough times with puffed shut eyes! No more! I have no idea why I am soooo sad.. but I am. I usually don't feel much other than frustration or anger.. I know I've been pushing myself way way too hard lately. I've been going steady and even when I say I'm going to take a break I don't.. I'm trying to avoid.. I'm not sure what I'm trying to avoid (other than crying my eyes out and paying the price for it) but I sure as hell have been avoiding it..

*sighs*

bec

Your avoiding being sad. Grieving. Not only does it come unique to you about the eyes doing that puff and swell trick for days... that really does not help, but it just plain sucks getting in the dumps again. Sometimes we have to revisit it. No matter how much you cannot stand your mother, it will not change you have to grieve your loss even if in reality she was gone long ago and not healthy for you. Now you finalized it. I have not grieved about it but I think I already did in my own way before the "official" cut off. Your son you need to grieve even if again it is for the best. You need to allow some grief. I don't think you have to cry to grieve, scream instead into a pillow. Just express mourning. I am not a big crier. You are going through a lot of changes and rearranging things. These are all good changes but still they are changes. It is hard for the body and mind to recover even when we know it is all for the better.

You are avoiding revisiting your past too much, what you do know of it. I know I am fighting the beast of depression again off and panic attacks are getting rough again as I try to go back through mine (and it proves difficult when a toddler takes you journal to run off and color in it, no fight to get it back). Parts I thought were dealt with that are not. I am not looking forward redoing what I already did. I just have to though. But we have tools to not stay in this state as long. We have been on the very bottom, we will not hit that far again I am pretty confident of and we are starting it at a different frame of mind, stronger more confident one. The Mental Imagery gave you things to look at. Look at them allow yourself to grieve in some form, bec.

I really liked Evie's post in info under anxiety. The sub personalities. May do you some good to go read or reread that. I saw some of my flaws I still need to work at that only hinder my recovery. Sorry got longer than I meant to.