Ahhh veiled, that makes sense :)


Last night I was too lazy to go upstairs and grab my sleep meds, lol, so needless to say, it's 6:30AM... and I'm wide awake.
Ughhhhhhh

Still cleaning up after the snow storm. This was Vermonts first big storm and it dropped 3 feet of snow.Was snowed in with the kids, Ethan finally went back to school today. Then he is on vacation next week. I'm so not looking forward to it.At least when hes at school the screaming and fighting doesn't begin as soon as we get out of bed. So get somewhat peace until school is over. Very stressed and exhausted.

Still crashing and will be scarce around here for a while except an occasional pop in posts that are not PTSD related, need to take care of me to be of any use to anyone at home or be active here. Brain is over loading simply put.

It took me several hours to dig out yesterday, and two friends came over to help push my car out from the ice and they coached me through my very first backing-in parking job, too!

For once, I didn't fall all over myself thanking them or telling them they didn't need to help. I just let them, because that's what friends do. I'm learning!

My brain hurts.. overloaded. I know I'm supposed to work on my 'feelings', but it would nice if some of them were good!! I feel like crap. Thank you, that is all. :dummy-spi

Pretty darn good with nothing to complain about. Did get minimally triggered earlier, but apparently responded constructively as I felt much better afterwards and my anxieties didn't skyrocket like I feared they might.

Do have so much more progress to make and will do my best to discipline self, while accepting this roller-coaster ride. I'll tell you though, though quite painful and crippling at times, I just love coming up with a new personal freedom every time. If I had to wait mo. or yrs. to see a single reward, I guess I'd have to still do it, bc what choices am I really left with at this point.

Hanging in.....hanging out....and hoping we have the money for my next retreat on Feb. 23rd. I've asked for it as a B'day present, as I turn 40 soon.

Found myself being silly and thinking earlier, that if I was visiting Australia, I could turn 40, then hop on a plain, fly back home and be 39 again. This time difference can still boggle my mind.

My mother always use to claim she was 39 and holding. Guess that makes her 39 and holding onto many another yr. Her B'day's tommorrow and hoping I can do something for her, if not only to call and wish her a Happy Birthday. Though so much surrounding her hurts a great deal, there's something about getting old and being defeated by the inevitable age process that sometimes causes us to surrender and soften if even only a tiny bit. Sometimes when she's not yet said a word, I look at her, and feel compassion.

jade, ughhh snow is cool for somethings (snowangels, snowmen, Christmas)
but being snowed in just sucks.
Enjoy that time the kids are in school!
Make sure you schedule in school hours as 'me' time!!!

veiled, you take whatever time you need in order to feel better!!
Many times I take breaks from the forum (sometimes a week, sometimes hours) whenever I get overwhelmed from life.
Take care of you :)

kers, as a Canadian, I completely understand about 'digging out vehicles' after a big snow.
I'm so glad you let your friends help (although I know it's hard to do it yourself... trust me... I've tried, lol)
I'm proud of you, accepting help can be hard for us PTSD'ers

vcc123, hey don't beat yourself up about anything.
If you've decided that all/most of your feelings are negative...
than that's fine...
being able to recognize and understand what you are feeling, is what is important.
Trust me, eventually, you'll notice more good things popping up on your list :)

goingonhope, reading that you had nothing to complain about is just awesome!!!!
Enjoy these days!!!
LOL, at least your mom claims to be a reasonable mom age.
All through my childhood and teen years, my mom claimed to be 21.
Now, it's harder for her to say that... seeing as that would make me older than her lol


It's something crazy like 6:30 a.m. right now.
"Ughhhhh"
That sums up my feelings about this.
Just can't seem to get enough sleep

Iget a brake every now and then ,, It has happened 3 days running now ,,, Thurs, day went skiing right after a good 2 ft of power snow fell had a blast and it was the first day I was the only one that did not fall ,,, friday had no problems and had a good night out with my friends ,,,, then did the same today,, watched a good flic and went to an AA meeting with friends who also have PTSD so the conversation was all over the place and we got some good laughs in ,,,

what a releaf from the last couple of weeks ,,:kickass: beatle

I've had a headache...

got triggered pretty bad last night. Wasdrinking (I know, bad cass) goonie of all things.
Was talking to one ofLukes mates Weusually just pace around each other like two cats in a room full of rocking chairs.


Last night however he started talking about his childhood. So many things were the same, I just freaked out. I started crying, burning myself. Someone dropped a glass and Luke had to fight with me to get the shards off of me.


Closes eyes and wishes she could make it go away.

After that I blacked out. They said Iwasstill talking, swearing, having violent bursts but Ijust don't f***ing remember.

Iam soangry with myself though. I just wanted all the shit in my head to **** off for one night and to lt myself relax aaround my friends. ****,I was even flinching away from Luke, like I wasexpecting him to hit me. He is the gentlest person, he would never raise a hand to me, but I still flinched away if he went to touch me.

I hate this shit so much.

Gacks, is after 1 am, probably ought to *gasp shock horror* sleep.