Big shock huh? I just cant turn 'off' my brain.. why is it the rest of my damn self can shut down, but not my brain at night??? UGGH!! So I'm tired, my muslces ache.. (and not for a good reason). But the day is beautiful, so thats a bright spot. ok.. I think thats it.

I'm feeling a "bit" better. Managed to get out of the house. Went to walmart to pick out new locks! (yep even a deadbolt!) it completely wiped me out.. LOL my kid and DOG tried waking me up for over an hour to make supper! I'm going back to bed shortly as I'm just toasted. I don't last for long and still have this aweful cough, but the lack of Zoloft is sure making a difference!

I still have to take it easy but I was just proud of myself to get showered, dressed, and go for a quick shop even if it did wipe me out! Better than being stuck in my bed!!

night guys!:sleep:

bec

Severe panic attacks since yesterday morning.
I haven't felt that/this out-of-control for awhile.
Paraniod about stupid things... problem is... I don't realize how crazy I sound until later.

I should tell boyfriend next time I'm in super-psycho-b*tch mode... to just make sure I've taken my meds.
(I think my missed doses could have had something to do with my freakouts?)

Y&A, you have summed my week up... Just still on that damn roller coaster ride from hell. So still not par here and panic just getting ridiculous. I think I know where it is coming from, just "fixing" that issue is proving difficult.

Even got to the point that since I don't do supper time cooking hardly hub's mom tried to let her cook and bring meals over so we did not have too. I can't with out mass confusion in the kitchen so he is doing it after work. I know she means well and appreciate it, but...

I told him if I don't get my shit together by summer time when she retires we may get that any way. I am assuming she is going to get pretty bored, and she seems to have an overload over mothering in her system. She had to take the little one Last Monday as was too ill, then they were off Friday so she had the baby that day too. Now no school today so kids spent the night last night over there and she is keeping them for the day to spoil them some more. Some much needed breaks I really appreciate! I swear I can barely keep up with me.

Oh and the MIL cracked me up. I told hubs I need to set up an appointment at the doc for my son to have a physical for sports... Already done and she is taking him. She went and had it all set up and ready to go. Did not want to give me more things to worry about from what I was told. I thought that was nice.

Should be warm so hope a long private bath (3 yo and private don't go together) maybe I can get some laundry done that everyone in this house did well at dodging over the weekend and get the dogs for a nice long stroll since it is warming into the 60s today. I'd take the birds outside for some scratching in the grass but no fence... poor things. Have to figure something out for them.

Did I mention the beautiful weather yesterday??? I wore a skirt & tshirt !! TODAY - not so beautiful.. woke up to the sound of SNOWPLOWS.. it dumped on us. Ok, so the positive thing about fresh snow, everything looks so bright and clean. There!! I'm trying to be positive, between that & my nice hot coffee - I might survive. Love to you all.. :biggrin:

Don't know how I am. Feeling a bit weird, so doing the thing I'm best at - avoidance! Got one hell of a lot of work done today!!!!

Relationship issues stressful. We are finally going back to counseling. I am crazy about my hubbie. He's great. And has done his best to be supportive. But his past/PTSD stuff and mine are really feeding the disconnect.

Have been struggling with alot of shame lately and have been really scarce on the forum. Don't feel like I fit in with life. I do want better for myself.

Am starting to work out...using a stability ball. Went shopping today. All clothes the wrong size. Kind of a blow to the ego. At least I can return stuff. I was just looking forward to wearing something I felt good in, attractive, more womanly.

I relate with not feeling like you fit into life, Nov. I've felt like this all of my life. Felt different....still feel this way and even if I feel good, doing well or have some self-esteem. This feeling can be awfully lonely too, just feeling so different, being alone with it and often fearing that there must be something terribly wrong with me.

Lots of **Hugs** to you nov., and take care.

Good day today, though not easy nor ideal. It certainly would be nice if the weather would get warmer around here. Can't wait to get out and about with kids and husb. come the warmer weather. Too much inside activity threatens to drive me nuts. Even a grocery store trip looks good sometimes, as I've felt forced in by the freezing cold. Not much of a winter person. Did get out tonight, thank heavens.

Kids are off this week from school. Lying low and hoping all goes well. Just a week ago, no way in heck could I've rightfully done my job as a parent, this week, if things hadn't gotten any better. Had come close to having husb. take time off, but came up from some terrible confusion and crash, and have felt much better today and the last couple days.

not great today started seriously having doubts that I can chare my uncle more the giving of statement and reall pissed off as my mother asked me if I was done with this whole stupid little PTSD thing if I was back to normal.

I also have developed this real difficulty taking a deep breath heck taking any breath requires supreme effort I dont know if my body is that tired or if its the upped seroquel but i have to make a real effort to take deep breaths. I checked everything out medically at work for the most part no problems.

startinjg to feel anxiety attack coming on and the fact I cant breath real well is not helping I cant wait till tomorrow so that I can just have very little responsability.