Very tired and down today. Not surprised really. Just fed up. I've been reading up on stuff about dissociation. Wish I hadn't. A lot of the stuff I came across was unpleasantly familiar. It doesn't change how things are, but it generally indicates I've got a very long road ahead. Doesn't look good when you are feeling knackered!

I read somewhere that living with ptsd is like a game of snakes and ladders. In reality, I can handle small snakes, but anything over 5 feet I have to have someone else experienced around for health and safety reasons. I guess in metaphorical terms, we select few have found giant snakes. Anybody got any really long ladders???

It is hard Piglet.... it really is. I say this all the time, but I think from your own learning that your now starting to believe it. It will take years of hard work to get onto the other side of PTSD... minimum one year just to see really good results, and thats providing you don't break down midstream and revert back to old habits. It is not easy.

There is only one way forward with PTSD, and that is too fight your trauma. You need to get it out of you, you need to continue getting the same trauma out of you until when it is no longer a trauma, but just words with little to no meaning anymore, no hurt, no spite, no remorse, just pain from a distant past, which you can no longer to allow to affect you anymore.

Write, write and write.... tell your story Piglet, and keep telling it until you fit within the above statement.

that hits a bit too close there anthony. (See my post in my thread....)

Piglet, if it's any consolation, we, that have been where you are, know that feeling. You can look back and see how far you've come, but you still can't see the light. Seems like you're not moving forward or backward. The thing that I learned (with the help of a therapist) was that even though there are horrible days, and not so good days, you are always moving forward in your healing. I remember feeling like I took a hundred steps back when it took so freaking long to go two steps forward. PTSD isn't quite so linear. It's like a rollercoaster with bad twists in it with no end in sight. (It not only goes up and down, but you're disoriented from going into a twist....) But...you are ALWAYS moving, hence, going forward in your healing. It's the best analogy that I've got, and it still doesn't encompass all the feelings that come with this blasted disorder. Can you tell I'm not having the best day? I cracked a little today, but hopefully, (I'm optimistic) that I'll recover quickly. Like the commercial for shampoo...bounce back jermack, beautiful hair.....

Your doing just fine Nam... you explained exactly what it is like, and even though you go backwards at times to go forwards, its part of the healing process. Some just go backwards and settle with that, hence they end up such a mess, its hard to get them moving forward. The amount of times I have gone 10 steps back, one step forward, I couldn't count on all fingers and toes, but here I am today, on the better side of PTSD, and only having to cope with small variances in symptoms compared to huge shifts.

I like this side far better than the other.

Hey YA... I think this is the best post on this board. Great idea you had... thankyou very much for helping to keep us all sane.

No kiddin YA!!

Today is not as bad as I thought I'd be. I got up at noon, made lunch, and now trying to stay cool, no breeze, humid, and 90+. Physically I'm doing okay,besides the hotness, mentally, I'm a bit disgusted with myself. But at least I know why.

Today I am feeling funky again... got up early with bub, as normal, fed him, showered him, cleaned house, and its now 11am, and here I am. He goes to sleep soon, so then I can get a little more work done.

Clean the house is my plan today. I'm gearing up for the holidays here (fourth of july), so many relatives that I'll see. I'm not nervous, yet. So Happy Fourth!

Are yes... the American holiday that stops the Nation. Not much stops Australia, apart from the Melbourne Cup Race, which for a short period, literally stops the Nation to watch a horse race. How strange, yet relaxed Australian really are... Happy fourth of July to you Nam, and enjoy your day of reunion and celebration.

Today is another good day for me... struggles to get out of bed because I was picking up my teenager from the airport at midnight, so I didn't get home until 1am. Up early this morning because bub had play group, so we have done that, which is always great to catch up with the group and let the kids play together. Cleaned the house and kick back a bit for the rest of the day. Get some work done online here, do some reading of material, and then dinner, sort out the evening routine and back on here to do more work.

My hub lived for a short time in Dunedin, New Zealand. He told me that it is the most beautiful country. I hope to visit sometime, and maybe a (HUGE) hop to Australia. Note: I don't like spiders.

Guess what? The house is NOT clean. Oh well. I made two dresses with little purses to match so that my girls can catch the candy at the parade tomorrow. I'm excited.