Dealing with nursing my "mean" out door cat. He is on life 3 or 4 of 9. People described a mean cat on here before but he sounded like child's play compared to my 6 yo one, why I am not fast to past judgment on critters. But he was severely abused when I got him at 1 and had major surgery, a couple actually as his side exploded from infection when I saw it I "stole" him as my heart broke so just took him and the owners cared less. I think he has chronic pain as he was not mean before and after a couple years of getting to know someone he will rub on you, just cannot pick him up. He takes time.

But he was bitten by a dog the other day as the hole is huge (and he refuses to stay inside, you can lose an arm forcing him to). But we are clawed up doing so as he has a huge puncture right net to his errr exit.

Downside he pulled a screen off tonight while I was in therapy. I had my cat who is not fixed yet and a very girl go out. I am nuts tonight about it. No damn kittens!!!

I was also led to believe I hit a wall in therapy. Basically I know all I should. I know how to implement it. Issues... Being a SAHM and no break except to vent here and pushing myself to do that. Well, I just do not have the time for self care to further myself.

My MIL spoke with me tonight and she is going to set up when her retirement kicks in in a couple weeks to take over kids during the day at times so I can work on me. I will be doing yoga, acupuncture, and time to meditate again. I am also being set up with a TCM graduate to set me up on herbs to finish getting off xanax. It will still be hard but we hope we can take he edge off and the MIL may be there to help nurse me. She has been great so may be able to cope seeing it. After two years of this to actually get off seems unreal.

It is so weird my MIL. She hugs, she cares but she really makes me feel like she does. I want so much to get close to her as she feels like a fantasy mom but it scares me so much. Why was mine not half what she is?

:loopy: I am doing well today!!!! I had tried earlier to dye my hair but I mixed the wrong 2 solutions together and so I had to throw it out....so I went and bought another box kit and will try again later....My son and his fiance will arrive here at 11 am tomorrow!!!:crazy-eye I can hardly wait!!!!.....This will be the first time to see "THE" ring!!! Iv'e seen a picture of it on her blog but seeing it in person will be neat!!!! Also tomorrow my son will be here to fix my computer and hopefully it can be done without sending it back into the company...everyone say your prayers....It has really been acting up the past few weeks and sometimes it takes me a half hour or more to be able to get and online connection... I am most likely going to be getting a new printer and hopefully it is a three in one....This printer is driving me nuts too!!!!! Often it seems to only want to do things its own way and not the way I tell it too.....must be in its adolescence!!!:frown: We will all be going to see the Claude Monet exhibit in Cleveland and I've been looking forward to seeing it ever since I found out that it was there.....That will be sooooooo cool!!!!! me Happy Happy HAPPY!!!!!...... LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER

Wednesday evening I went to my writers group and read the second section of my book [which is about my life with PTSD] I had a few suggestions on wordage changes but everyone liked it!!! I really like being thought of and accepted as a writer!!!!! And I do plan on trying to find a publisher when I'm done so start saving you pennies now!!!!........
GIVE PEACE A CHANCE

*sighs*

Have had a migraine continually since last weekend. Really shitting me off.

Was stuck at mums place with bro dearest *grrumbles*

Heres cut and paste from another forum.

this from the yesterday
migrain since friday, out of meds and has realised centerlink screwed up and yet again I didn't get another Health care card (so I can get cheaper meds)

Would be sooo much easier to drag myself in if 1) wasn't feeling the affects of going without meds a week (my own fault, should have gotten script filled a while ago)
2) didn't have a head that feels like its going to explode should I take three steps


oh, to top this week off, I put in a major complaint at one of the RPG's I play at cos I was being what I felt emotionally bullied. Had to find every bit of correspondence with said writer, has realised that some have been deleted and now, don't know if I was just being oversensative/ paranoid

To top it all off, 'rents took off for a week (they needed it) leaving me at home with bro dearest.

Not a good week.
I needs a or some choc or both
All in all sums it up

and todays effort
Well rents are home again, managed to get me crying by bitching about the house not being spotless.

Yeah mum, for the last week I've been flat out staggering out of bed to pee but sure, I can vacuum/ scrub and shite.

Ri-ight.

So yeah. Head isn't as sore, but body feels like i've been run over by a truck.

Top off a great week I had a flashback, ended up sitting on the floor of my room repeating my childhood mantra. I'm not here I'm invisable. You cant see me can't hear me can't touch me. I'm not here Im invisable. You cant hurt me cant scare me just leave me be.

Never ever wanted to feel like I had to lock myself in my room and repeat that again

Oh joyu oh fun Oh yeah.

I love my life.

Although on the good side, my sweety has been such a sweetheart, taking my moodswings, my angry outbursts and my general crazies in swing. He makes me feel loved and isn't afraid to tell me that he Loves me. Me, screwed up, foot in mouth little bitch called me.

Gods he makes me feel good about myself.

Today was a great day. We all went to the zoo. Had a really great time. We laughed a lot. Our children had each come into our room to wake me with hugs, Happy Mother's Day wishes, song, kisses and all sorts of wonderful things were said. Then from behind me a tape recorder was pressed on. Apparently my husb. had snuck into the room and turned it on. It was my son saying I Love You Mommy, I love you Mommy and lots more.

Later I was served waffles, homemade and school made beautiful Mother's Day cards were given me along with art with painted handprints and poetry, and then each one made me a piece of jewelry from beads. Daughter invented the hand bracelet which fit perfectly, read MOMMY w/ hearts on either side and I wore it all day. Our son made me a wonderful bracelet.

My husb. and I really had a good time together at the zoo, and our kids laughed and had fun all day.

Wow! This most definately was one of my best Mother's Day's ever. After supper I read bedtime stories and my husb. planted a rose bush. Our Aunt had come over and enjoyed ravioli with us too.

I called my mother shortly after supper to wish her a Happy Mother's Day and spoke with her for 20 min. Then our phone went haywire and I told her I'd call her back late this evening. Instead she called me sooner just at bedtime and when I told her I couldn't speak now she appeared to get upset and hung up on me without even a goodbye. Confusion immediately was settin in and I just knew sudden irritability would soon follow. Instead of the other possibilities of feeling like a victim of her manipulations I called her back and very assertively said, "Mom, I know I said I'd call you later, but we just spoke and you abruptly hung up without even a goodbye. I had a very nice Mother's day today and if you did in fact knowingly hang up on me without saying goodbye then that was rude." I heard what she said afterwards, some nonsense that I didn't do that did I? I didn't think I did that. If I did I'm sorry. Well, whatever Mom.........all I know is that confusion mostly left and I've since mostly enjoyed the evening. I chose wisely not to call her this morning, as in no way did I want her having any influence whatsoever on my mind or my day today.

Well hope a good nights sleep is in store tonight, as most lately I've been feeling alot better and doing good.

Hope

Mothers' Day weekend was fine:crazy-eye Saturday my son and his fiance and myself went to the Cleveland Art Museum and viewed the Claude Monet exhibit!!!!! Of course it was my son's treat....Monet is my favorite painter of all time and it was sooooooo exciting to see his paintings personally...Previously I had seen prints and pictures in art books of his work but this time was the first time that I got to see them up close and personal... I can't put into words the ecstasy that I felt as I set my eyes on picture after picture!!!!! There would be about 4 to 6 paintings per room and there were quite a few rooms after I got close to see the brushwork and color layering I would view them from a distance like the other side of the room...Quite neat really!!!! I haven't been to the museum for 35 years when I went on a SR. High field trip....I am going to view stuff in the local art museum sometime this week....I am proud of myself for not freaking out from being around so many people!! And when I got back into my son's car I didn't let out any screams though I did give my rabbit a good squeeze....Sunday I went out to eat with 3 of my siblings and parents....I got there a bit late as I had slept through my alarm beeping for 2 hours and them some.... I wonder if that occured because I subconsciously didn't care to spend a lot of time with them My MD gift was a new printer...It's a 3-in-one....Printer, scanner, and copier....I no longer have to runout when I need to copy something.....GREAT!!!! It so far is properly taking my commands and obeying them completely!!!! What a relief!!!! I hope you all have a pleasant day!!!!!BREATHING IN THE PEACE

Wildfire, I loved reading your excitement about seeing the Monet works! It's so cool to see your favorite artist's works, isn't it?

Still reading some posts,
but I'm exhausted and overwhelmed at the moment
So that's why I've been quiet

Going for breakfast with my parents in 3 hours
they don't live in my city, but they travel here often
Even though they live about 5 hours away (by driving)

still around kinda. Just been struggling, not been able to cope with the foruming atm.

Kinda gettig back on my feet (having meds helps a lot).

Heres hoping this week goes good.

:crazy-eye I am about to collapse....I only had 4 hours of sleep last night as I woke up way early due to the nausea that I've been feeling....I wish it would go away and stay away....I am bound and determined to start doing my exercises later this morning...My right knee is getting rather stiff and is very sore....for the arthritis I need to get it moving....:crazy-eye I am enjoying my new 3-in-1 printer...It has a really cool program with it so I can manipulate pictures and add text also....I've already used up the color ink cartridge...I can use photo paper in it so I can print some of my photos so I don't have to run to the store to get copies...One good thing with this printer also is that the ink cartridges are only $21 not $32!!!! If you are sick and tired at the ghastly prices that we are being charged for gasoline.....write or e-mail your Senator and Congressman!!!!...and keep at it!!!!....buy the time I pay my rent and put gas in my van....I've got less than half of my income left!!!! Then our housing authority is surcharging us $5 for using our air conditioner....Most of my stress seems to be financial and there's no relief in sight!!! I better go get in bed now and catch some:sleeping: ........PEACE ABOVE ALL