Well *snuggles* everyone.

Had a b'day last thursday *ooh yays*

Nah wasn't so bad I suppose. Went out to dinner with my sweety Friday. We were talking and he said to me that after having me in his life for five months, he can't even consider a life without me in it *awws*

It has made my night and my week. Just thinking of him saying it, and the look on his face makes my heart melt and makes me think hey, I can do this. I can get through this fine.

*snuggles* and hugs to all
cass

Been a bad week that is turning out better. My old poodle Barkley took ill with his back. He slipped a disk about 10 years ago and since we have had a battle with it. He was in agony for days and I had to lay in bed and pet him, rub his spine, put hot packs on him. Feed and water him by hand. And hope while feeling sick from stress that he would come back to me one more time, I love him so much. Well, I called the vet and he gave me some generic medicine that he swore would help. It did. Barkley can walk again. I was having to carry him out and let him do his business and carry him back to bed. He had a couple of mistakes on the bed, which was a mess but he could not help it. Well, looks like I have been given one more reprieve from losing my little hairy brown baby. I dread putting him to sleep. So, I shall cherish what ever time we have left before the final paralysis and pain overcomes him.

I am sad to hear that your dog has been ailing...It's good that the meds are working !!!! My cat Hayley has wheezing spells from time to time and so I had to do what you do with Barkley...Just enjoy her everyday as each day goes by...It got too painful when I kept thinking that she wasn't likely to live into her twenties as I was expecting her to...She stills stays pretty active and keeps me laughing....she was just jumping at the bumps of the blanket on my bed!!! Sooooooo hilarious !!!!! ....... LIVING THE PEACE

This afternoon I put my last $21 in my gas tank....I got 6.178 gallons of gas......tsk..tsk!! :finger: to the pres and the oil companies!!!! It would really help me if I could drive to the stables a half hour from here!!! But can't risk not being able to see my therapist this coming Thursday....At least after this month I won't be paying med copays or car insurance....I have been fortunate to find help these other months to pay the copays....I have been wanting to save up for a couch....but any extra goes into my gas tank In order to keep myself out of the hospital...I need to be seeing my psychodoc every 2 weeks and my therapist every week...I had to delay my psychodoc appointment this week as I don't have the $$s for gas as I drive an hour and a half to see him.... It would be cheaper for the government to pay for my gas so I can make my appointments and stay out of the hospital...Those costs are more astronomical!!!! :dont-know how to keep going with all this added stress...this constant gnawing that goes on inside of me...wondering when I'll break....I am at my wit's end!!!! SEEKING THE PEACE

Falling apart... I wanted to go watch Shrek 3 with my lil' one but I spent this AM confused all to hell unable to focus and had to actually look up a recpie for pancakes (I should be able and normally do with my eyes closed). I have been OK from naps and waking for about 20 minutes before I am getting bombarded with panic attacks. Supposed to go to a cook out too after the movies but hubs wants me to rest, he is stopping by between the movie and the cook out to check on me.

Days like this are rare now but man they are a bitch when it happens.

A little better to day because someone took the time to help me get some stuff out even though they were having a rough time.
Thanks

:frown: I have been having some suicidal thoughts this past week and a half...seems to be increasing as I am so stressed about my financial situation that is keeping me from what I enjoy most....being with horses...I also feel a constant low grade agitation just about continuously...every day just seems to be more pained with the consistant sense of despair....I feel like I'm holding on by my fingernails....When I hear someone talking about retirement...I sink even lower....There won't be any retirement for me...just this constant state of poverty that looks not to have any end....Somehow I have to keep hanging on till Friday...then payday....:dont-know if things are not better....I will have to call my psychodoc and see what he thinks I should do....Going to the hospital isn't going to help with getting me out of poverty....I would just come home to the same irritating mess....and talking to someone in an inpatient situation isn't going to change my predicament ..:frown:wildfirewildone

My computer is going in the shop!!! But great as I have been without for months and bumming hubs. I was against it being shipped out to be fixed but found someone to do it local. I may actually have a computer at my disposal again!

:crybaby: I apologize for being such a sad sack around here....:frown: I had a letter returned to me marked in big red letters "Refused" and of course..."Return to sender".....I sent a note to my cousin [by marriage] explaining to her how it was my sicko sister who plagued them with some horrible calls this past last weekend in July.....the ones she thought that I made...she wouldn't listen to my explanation when I called her then to explain what happened and she told me never to call her again....I thought I would be able to reason with her via a letter....It NEVER got opened:crybaby: My ex-hub's family was the family that I felt truly a part of as my own is soooooscrewed up and dysfuncational....Now I've got nothing....This is just way too overwhelming!!!!! I keep bawling.....wish I had the gas to see my psychodoc tomorrow.....but that's not going to happen!!! I did move my June 9th appointment to Monday evening the 4th though....I am trying not to go off the deep end but this loss is so grievous that I just want to lay on the floor and let the heartbreak kill me if that were possible....I had spent my whole frickin' day back in the town I used to live in waiting for my AC in my van to be fixed and that didn't happen....They wanted me to leave it overnight but I had no other way home....so now I have to get up by 6AM again so they can have another go at it....I told them it better be done by 5 pm tomorrow as I have an appointment at 6 pm.....Then I drove home all hot hot hot I could barely stand it :boxem: !!! Then the returned letter in my mail..... if I can bear any more suffering.....

Probably a little down. But it seems like each day is a struggle to figure out why each day is so much the same - a struggle to make it to the next.