Made Shrimp Scampi for lunch, and Yuk....the shrimp did not taste right. Tossed it out in the fields for the Coyote's and made Chicken and rice instead. However, was worried cause I had one of those nasty shrimps in my mouth and not sure if I could get food poisoned even though I spit it out. So...I heard that if you drink wine it will counteract food poisoning from seafood, so indulged. Hope it works....

Difficult Day. Awoke to something that I found most upsetting and have been preoccupied with it all day. It was a beautiful day outside, but I didn't get to enjoy it much, bc I also awoke scratching all over my neck and upper chest. Then immediately afterwards was the upset from this morning and I felt nothing but nasuea, leg weakness, fear that I'd collapse with much difficulty seeing, dizziness and confusion in my attempt to remain in church.

It took me nearly all day to shake these ill ill feelings. Fortunately my husband was willing to take our children to the playground and so they did come home having had fun and I took an afternoon nap.

I'm finding it amazing that I'm even able to post, bc lately I've been feeling overwhelmed, insecure and alone in my own world, disconnected from family, friends and everyone.

Hope

Hope, I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Today was okay for me. I was supposed to get a new tattoo (yay!) but my artist got ill (boo) so I rescheduled. Didn't get much accomplished--slept till half 11 because I was up til 2 last night with the night fears. Didn't get the house cleaned, the only item on my to-do list. Mostly I was stuck in my head. Not in a bad way, just....considering things. Trying to be positive and not critical of myself.

hope, sounds like a bit of kicking anxiety attacks. Hope you are getting better and centering yourself.

bell, yucky food always a scare. hope you calmed.

tired
anxious
I hate this combo

I feel reckless, confused, and empty.

Bad fricking day. I hate that I'm so sensitive to my own emotions and to other people's.

Best thing of day is that I "woke up", life is precious even though some days it is hard to tell!

Ya' this practice at centering, balancing and getting better at responding to my needs too, rather than ignoring them or defying them, is making life mostly look good again.

I'll say though, my last nightmare was horrifying. It was weeks ago, but it was when my jealous sister was in town and close to home. I dreamn't that my daughter had been abducted, and after searching frantically for her, I found her just as dear o' sis had poured gasoline all over her and was about to set her ablaze. It sounds awfully horrible, I know, it was the most horrifying and negative thing I could ever have as a nightmare. I'm only saying something now about it, bc it inwardly upset me so, so bad, and yet I've told no one.

Anyone I could've told around here, I feared, would've minimized and possibly de-valued how upsetting this nightmare was by saying, 'It was only a dream.' or God forbid they say, 'Don't be upset' or worse, not listen as if I was talking aloud to myself. ...............ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Well, my daughter is safe and generally very happy and my sister is many, many, many, many, many miles away from here by now.

hayls, I do hope you're now feeling differently, much better for that matter, as this combo. of feelings when regularly reoccuring was always very dangerous for me, as I just never knew then how to positively cope with them.

(((Hugs & Well Wishes hayls)))

Hope