LOL, I learned my Great Pyrenees, Ellie, was a counter surfer the day she came home from the shelter. She took off with an entire large pizza, I was not used to dogs so tall. I was really surprised as that was years ago and she knows better. When I got home and cussed at her while looking at my pie. Then I noticed Cookie with her ears laid back, head low, and tucked under tail trying to exit the room all crouched down that it was she that was the actual culprit. Cookie has been nothing less than an angel her entire life and her first naughty deed, I had to laugh as I have never seen an animal act so guilty! So what did I do? Put it the kitchen floor, may as well let them finish it!

Today was a nightmare. Too much yesterday. puking, panic attacks, and headaches all day. Headaches getting better but not the tummy... I feel like I could curl up and die today.

Oh Veiled, that's so sweet how you responded to Cookie's bad. I am very sorry though about your day today. That sounds kind of like mine.

Today. Ummm better and worse. I hate being told I have a symptom of PTSD I thought I did not have and hate really hate facing it. Any way rest for the thread.

My day. I have blisters all over one of my girls if that sums it up. I try to do one damn thing and I get that. I cut all my hair off a bit back (almost 10 inches) and go to try and curl today. Even got a stool to set up right. Curl one no issue. Curl two big frigging issue. My iron came apart. The stand flew off, little metal pieces holding the flapper thing flew out, it just blew up. Hot metal every where. I swear I will never laugh at MILs curling iron burn on the forehead again. BAD part is a little piece went straight down my shirt and into my bra. I am a big girl so a big bra. I had to play round the world to get the damn thing out. I have blisters all over one side. My hair is now very flat, and I am not happy! That sums up the day of the one thing I decided to do. Burned blistered boob sucks... Just hope no scars. I dare not ask if it gets worse.

::Marw::

My day is...blah...I woke up at damn near 2 in the afternoon (so much for that good sleeping cycle).

I am listening to the Rolling Stones...which always can fix a day in my book (lol)....

I just spoke with my sister and we got on the topic of my father...which can also turn a good day crappy fast...

I miss my girlfriend....

All around I give this day thus far a smooth 4 on the good ol' scale from 1-10...


Geneva

Oh for the love of god....My "girl" just hurts thinking of that pain..

Sorry....

::passes you some ice::

If my mind was an athlete in a race... it'd win, hands down.
Thoughts fly in circles,
never coming to conclusions,
just back to the same questions.

It's been a tough week for me (well, tougher than usual, but nothing in comparison to what some of you are going through), so I'm taking care of myself by doing things that comfort me. I baked cookies, I'm crocheting some leg warmers (yes, I'm a girl from the 80's), and many, many snuggles with my very fat baby boy. My anxiety has waned much from my episode on Tuesday and I'm pleasantly surprised that I didn't fall into a pit of depression. It might be because I have such a good husband that said, "Come to me and tell me everything. I'm here for you." I love that man.

Heh, I've had, in the last couple weeks (my bad for not getting on) lotsa bad days. I don't know how many days I have taken off sick because I couldn't step outside, let alone drag myself to work.
I love my work, I love helping the oldies (I work in the dementia ward) I just hate when I am irrationally panicking and nothing makes me calm down,

I feel like I am letting work down, even though it is better I don't go in. I sat there one day bawling as I rang work. The girl made a tsk sound and I lost it at her. God I feel so bad over taht. I guess the whole of damned admin now knows I have fecked up issues.

Luke is helping, as much as I will let him. *gaarghs*

I have been on the phone with mental health, trying to get some sort o help. Well I got through their initial interview and haven't heard anything for a week. Makes me feel like I am so damned messed up that they don't even want to dael with me.

I don't know whether I want ot laugh cry scream or rant. Keep getting headaches cos I won;t let emotion out. I'm not sleeping during the night (not suprising I finnish w**k at 10 pm) I seem to want to sleep between noon and six pm (not helpful when I start work at 1445)
Flashbacks aer coming back worse then when I was at mums, guess my mind thinks I can deal, I beg to dissagree. My mind is not fecking dealing. Its imploding, it doesn't want to heal. Maybe its me that doesn't want to heal. I guess it isn't that. I just don't want to face the shit that happened.

I know i am strong, that none of the abuse was my fault, but I still have that voice in my head that excells in tormenting me. It repeats all the litany of blame, of self loathing and it drives me mental.

Gaaargh I am so sick of this shite. At least at work I can talk to people. I've let people in. I guess most people would call them friends. I don't know what to call them. I feel like I am having trouble finding common things between me and others.
I don't know if I can have friends, or if that part of me that lets people in, that cares for them and who trusts them is scarred and it will take a hell of a lot of nourishment to let it grow back.


Luke said the most profound thing to me the other night. I was having a moment (crying, panicking etc) and after I appologised to him, told him that he shouldn't love me cos I treated him so bad sometimes.
He held me, rocked me and told me that even if he didn't like parts of me sometimes, he would always love all of me. Gosh I love that man.

Heh,t hat was an update and a half.

Oh to top all this up, I have had my psoriasis decide to blister all through my scalp *growls* that and 35C+ heat means itchy irtritable cass.

Cass, repeat above statement as needed.

(((Hugs))))

FKED Completely and totally. Period. And that was the the bright side of this evening.