My days are all over the place lately. Up, down, inbetween.... the problem is; I miss my kids and its tearing me apart. Problem also is that I have to have a lot of patience awaiting my solicitor and the legal system in order to just get to see my kids without Kerrie in toe. Life does suck at times....

Today....was a really good day. I have a house full of food...(which...sadly makes me feel safe) and....I got to do some work....Everyones at our house and chillin...

Feeling sick and being sick more than i have been for a while this week i think.Good to discover waking up sweating feeling like a minger is a symptom rather than who i am :-).
Shut down a lot if thats the words,want to be closer to my children family and friends .Don't see how i keep ending up in my room ,things like that .Glad of any time i can think straighter.Odd how things keep changing.Good to be listening to music again lately.Glad the forum is still here :-) .

Tis ok this morning right now legs aching and feeling sick and stuff and had quite a good evening . Yum, Helen from my course invited me over and cooked me an indian and was quite easy to be around her.Been difficult to eat a lot of the time .Was reading the post about the nervous system this morning and trying to put it together and listening to neocortex elements, love that song and haven't heard it in ages.It's good to be able to handle sound again.Wondering what i need to do .

Hey, much better day. Still having trouble sleeping night time, isn't helping that Luke changed jobs and starts work at 1am. Means the majority of the night I sleep by myself :( It used to be that I had trouble sleeping in the same bed as L, but now I have the bed to myself , I find I can't sleep at all.

I'll start to dose off then startle awake, feeling like He's there. Then I get up and do my rounds, checking windows, doors etc. One nights sleep is all I ask. One night, no interuptions, 1am-9am and I will be happy. Hell, I'm not bloody greedy, I'd even go for anything more then two consecutive hours.
Waking up heart pounding. . . . so not fun.

Strangest part is, I have finally realised that it isn't normal to wake up with your heart pounding. It isn't normal to feel like you are going to pass out when going into a shop. It isn't normal to have visual/ auditory flashbacks and it sure as hell ain't normal for the PITA voice to keep tormenting me.

:hugs: yeah that ended up being a vent again.

At least I've done some housework today. I now have clothes and clean dishes (oh the clothes are clean too ;))

It can be such an enormous effort or feel impossible to complete the simplest tasks and explain remember understand experiences.I get a lot of help and still everything seems to build up so fast and overwhelming out of control .Was wondering if you get any help .

For me when it gets like that my husband puts life "on hold". I take on getting out of bed and at least sitting in living area. Next day we may add a shower. Then we keep that up to add kids to come to me instead of him. Very small baby steps when it all gets to be too much at once. I can never just jump back in, must always ease in.

Still pretty fcked up days.

Well, the sun has risen. The wind is blowing with my yard covered in yellow and red leaves (it is so cool to see Fall in real life but I have never owned a rake and guess I need one). The temps are crisp and I can't recall sleeping last. Little one was dressed up by me to send to MIL in hopes I can finally get rest as I am starting to finally feel sleepy. Just bad heart burn and anxiety is all that annoying me.

My foot is killing me and turned an ugly purple in the arch and swollen pretty well now. Stepped on the wood block good! My little one asked if her colored plastic blocks would do that while I dressed her. I said no. She said so I can leave those all over the floor? Wiped out, hurt foot, and covered in muscle pain for a few days and she still just cracks me up. I want her to be 3 forever.

Not sure where my days are starting or ending as of late but this one seems OK so far, I smiled.

Today is pretty good so far. I got a hair cut last night, and still liked it when I woke up this morning :) Not too tired today, and feeling pretty good. Going to a knew chiropractor today, and I am not anxious - yet.