I am going to write to the school and request a response in writing.I need to get all the information in some kind of order first .Timeline ?
Driest day all week ,i think ?
night night

Quote:

We learn what we have said from those who listen to our speaking.

The first one-third of this day I felt reflective, tired and unmotivated to do much but take it easy. The rest of this day went surprisingly well. With prompting from my son to keep my word and take him to the beach again today, I did so, we went, enjoyed and it was great. We played in all the waves. Tonight I went out and gave a friend a ride somewhere, and the evening went very well.

Hope

My day has been another great day... I have my boys whilst visiting them... and absolutely love having them in my life. I played with them both heaps today, took them to the local indoor play centre which they always love. My days don't get much better presently... with the exception that Nicolette is currently missing, though arrives here tomorrow.

And I can't wait to be there with you all....one more sleep

Each day is different and this day certainly has been and felt rotten.

Started deep relaxation techniques before sleep last night for the first time. It actually worked (yeah, I can act surprised)

I slept almost ten hours (straight through, no nightmares, nothing). IT has been years since I have slept without waking up in a panic. I just *wows*

Today however- work was work. For some reason, I started my shift fine, then started getting anxious. Even now I'm still on edge- this over three hours after I finnished.

I think one of the worries I have today is that I had to fill out a self evaluation at work. I sat there and looked at the Q's and thought, right.

By it I am crap at my job- or at least my attitude is crap. I take sick days a lot- mainly because if I am having a high anxiety day (like yesterday where I ended up at the doctors) I won't go to work. I don't think it is fair on the residents or the other staff for me to do it.

Other then that, well, I'm going ok today. Heh yeah, am going to drag my ass to the shower, get nice and warm, then climb into bed with my sweety.

My roster at work has been cut down by almost twenty hours. Not a happy camper- just one more thing to stress about.

Hopefully its just because they are going to train me for kitchen stuff and I'll go back to a more fleshed out roster next fortnight.

*grumbles* and grrs.

I'm all confused. I worked my butt off today with a tremendous amount of labor and it's now getting closer and closer to breakfast time and I still haven't slept a wink. I simply cannot sleep, and I'm scared to death of believing those misunderstandings and mistruths of many well intentioned people who tell me that I'm not a day sober if I'm taking any medicine at all. If I'm not sober and my sober time doesn't count for anything, I may as well go have myself a drink, and with nothing lost; Not that I intend to.

Also, scared of taking this medicine bc I'm also afraid of gaining any dependency.

It was one of them never ending nights at work tonight. Eight hours on my feet and no time for breaks. Two residents fell, one was sent to hospital with a suspected broken hip (at least I didn't get all shaky/anxious/panicky till after) the other lady was fine- just a bit shaken.

On top of the normal work stuff, we had surprise assessments- yeah, real fun. Busiest shift of the day, already understaffed and then they go pulling us staff off the floor for fifteen minutes at a time, three times each (yeah that makes 45 minutes- the equivalent of our breaks).

I feel so bloody work out right about now. Just shaky and exhausted, paranoid to boot- already been up four times to check the back door is locked as well as the windows.

*sighs* and I had the strangest dream last night. Strange odd I mean. For some reason I was talking to my dad about my SI and my PTSD. The most vivid part of the dream was when he told me I'm just pretending, that I'm good at pretending. I remember him telling me I should take the mask off, and then my skin peeled off my face and all I could taste/smell was blood. Was when I woke up.
Gack I hate tasting blood. Too many bad memories, too many memories too close to the surface.

Today has been long...well I guess it was actually yesterday since it is now past 2:00 am but it still feels like the same day. Probably cause I switched to graveyard so I get off at 0915 but have to be back at 2300. Anyway I found out that I am won't get vacation pay for the time I had off last week. It was approved but my supervisor did not know how they work it so it was done wrong. And then I broke my toe when I went down to open one of the gates. Ran the damn thing over my foot. Since it weighs several hundred pounds I sort of consider myself lucky as it could have been my foot instead of just my toe. I am hobbling and it is all swelled and bruised but at least I can still get around.

Saturday is my one day off and we are going to see Dark Knight after we get off work so maybe my day today will turn out better then yesterday.

Also I just wanted to say to Hope to not let people get you down. There is a huge difference between self medicating and hiding behind alcohol and taking medications prescribed by your doctor to treat a very real condition....would they tell a cancer patient the same thing for taking meds? Be proud of what you have accomplished and know that you are fighting for your life...and winning. They need to pull their heads out of their....I mean the sand and and recognize that. Otherwise they are just showing their ignorance.