Oh, Anthony, I genuinely feel for you. Until about two years ago, we rented also. I got tired of being at the mercy of the landlord, tired of fighting them when something went wrong. Once we had terrible rains that left over 3 ft of water in the cellar - where the hot water heater and electric box was - and the guy didn't want to do anything about it. We ended up calling the fire department to come pump the water out and he received a phone call from the fire chief and health department. We were on his bad side since then and had to move out. I finally convinced my husband that it was time for us to own our own home, so we bought one! Now...we have other headaches that go along with being the homeowner, but we can handle that.

And nothing wrong with takeout either. It's hard being the provider when everyone else is sick, so take it easy on yourself and do what you have to do.

And don't forget to breathe.....have a great day!

Kim

Thanks Kim, much appreciated. Yer, we rent our other house out whilst we are in Melbourne, and will sell that next year before moving back into another own home. We haven't rented in a long time, and when our financial advisor said it was financially better for us, I just thought to myself... yer, but you don't have PTSD and have to suffer the BS if we the landlord sells, or is a right cock (as ours is), etc etc... all the BS with renting. It sucks... screw financial, we are getting back into our own home on the next move, and we will work it out from there and then reinvest after we are in our own home.

You know Kim... thanks again for that, because in the last few minutes, that bit of support you gave me just made me feel a whole bunch better. Thanks for that.

Hey all!

Guess where I went this weekend?
To the Grand Prix! (racecars)
There was soooo many people there yesterday,
and... no panic attacks!!! yay!! yay!!!

Of course I refused to remove my sunglasses (one of my safetly nets)
so I've got this great racoon look going on.
(white around the eyes... red face) lol

But yeah, I'm not saying I never felt uncomfertable...
or the panic attack feeling...
it's just the meds have finally calmed me down enough in public where I don't look all twitchy, etc.

Just about over the flu
(and yes... it's soooo freaky that so many of us have gotten sick...
and yet we live so far away from eachother, lol)
and I'm really enjoying the summer heat.

Cheers :)

Well done you, YA!!!! I bet it was great! My sensible brother used to race motorbikes (please excuse the contradiction of that phrase!) and he took me as part of his pit crew a few times. It was fantastic.

By the way - nothing wrong with racoons IMHO.

My day has been quiet. I have finally calmed down after all my earlier stressing. As a result, I'm pretty worn out now I haven't got all energy that comes with stress-mode, but I've been doing the sensible thing and resting a lot today.

I just woke up a bit before noon...it seems to take me at least 15 minutes or so to focus on just what is reality at the moment...I had wanted to get out yesterday afternoon since it had cooled down substantially from the past few days of intense heat...I wanted to get out and shoot a bunch of pics and to visit the horses at the stables in the park [20 minutes away] I love to visit...fears were just sooooo overwhelming!!! I need to get out and go to the grocery store...out of fresh salad greens...fresh fruit....yogurt[I freeze some and then I have it like ice cream...m-m-m-m=low carb treat!] As soon as I focused this noon I was totally into my present FEAR cycle...I am pleased though in getting a good 8 hrs of sleep which hasn't happened in ages!!! Seems like the past few days the FEAR has been rooting into all my activities....like now...I "have to" put front wheels on shopping cart before I go out....I "can't" shower/dress[afraid of what?]...maybe that means I'll then have to face my FEAR and leave my "safe" apt. and get on with Life... I will do deep breathing...manage FEAR...get on with my daily routine....do Life....off I goooooooooooooooo........

Well, everyone went to the races again today...
it's nice to have the house to myself after a busy weekend!

My dad asked me to inquire about something at the mall while he's busy,
so I headed there after my last post (I had some positive energy going on)
it only took me 45 min and a smoke break to finally go into any stores.
(hear the sarcasm dripping off of that, lol)

BUT... I went in that huge ass mall all by myself,
and although I never actually purchased anything..
the fact that I had survived 3 elevator rides, 1 escalator, and no panic attack.
...yes I was conviced that everyone was staring at me... but did I freak? nope
I'm really on a roll this week, :)

Great going YA!

8 hours of sleep is good news wildfire.

Hope the races went well YA... I am a speed junkie, no doubt at all.

I feel like shit again now, as my teenager didn't listen to us to keep himself warm, thinks he is still living in a constant 30+ degree temperature climate, and got the flu, which now we all have it... again. I am pissed about it... as it laid me out for nearly a week, and if it gets that bad again, here comes round two.

I just hope today is the first day of the uphill climb. I have been a raging lunatic all weekend. I had 9 panic attacks, more than the rest of my life combined! I couldn't breathe them away like normal. I hate them, I feel so out of control when they come on.
Right now I feel like one is just hanging on the edge of my throat. Ready to gush over at any moment. I have to pull myself together no matter what- I have to work.
I need to go breathe