I swear I don't know if it is coming off the xanax or zoloft doing the opposite of what it should. I get I am depressed. I have never in my life been so drug down. Yesterday I woke up to my baby bouncing on the bed telling her dad do-nuts. It is a weekend treat. He left to get do-nuts and at 2:30 in the afternoon I woke back up to see I had wasted my day, and what is worse is it was my husband's birthday, I told him how sorry I was I did not mean to sleep it away. He is a jewel, he said "baby I have my family and you, all I want, my birthday could not be better"... Looking at me with a pillow and blanket in my arms and a total wreck as I did not have the energy to even shower yesterday, how can he be grateful for this???? As he is off to buy feed and groceries, telling my am beautiful. All I can think is there is only room for one nut in this house.

Thing is coming off the xanax puts me in the gutter for about 4 days lots of sleep and then I would have energy again, go play with my birds and listen to their different calls, chirps, honks, and quacks... I would let myself feel good for a few days before taking another cut in dose. The birds always made me feel good. I love the turkeys eating out of my hands and I have a special little one that was one of the first chickens I owned that loves to be picked up and pet.

But all this is gone now. I am still stepping down on the xanax, but the shrink had tossed zoloft in the mix. I have been on it now for well over a month, and now I get depressed? The last couple steps down I hit the funk and waited to feel better but this time it is not happening and that is what got me diagnosed with a bad case of depression. How do you go from not to a bad case all of a sudden? I won't stop tapering the xanax and will talk to the therapist about any possible link as when depression kicked in is when I am supposed to be feeling the full effect of zoloft an anti depressant! I just want to feel good again, I have dropped 20 lb, no exercise, hell, the stairs up to the bath are hard, I am already a healthy weight so don't need to lose. I am not sure my therapist even wants me on zoloft, but the shrink does. Some days I feel like I am winning and others I feel like I am fighting a losing battle.

I actually got up yesterday because I was told my muscovy was off her nest, I don't see babies or shells, I guess her nest was raided. But while I was out there I did see one thing that made me feel good. I was misinformed, I DID have one of my saddle back geese die (not good) but NOT SNAKE!!! Snake is still alive, I scooped him up and gave him the biggest hug, he wasn't tickled but I was!!!! Oh my day was already better. Nothing better than knowing your pet isn't dead but it sure as hell would be nice if they CHECKED and made sure before telling me that!!! Asses.

Then I wake to withdrawls kicking me all over the place today, I just love waking in panic. I am down to 4.5mg xanax and today I should be cutting more, I think this cut is really going to be painful. I am on half of where I started but it seems harder with depression to give it up. The kids are not even up yet but I feel on the verge of an attack, having chest pains and shaking, and sore muscles. I slept fine but feel like I could do my whole day like that to just hide from it, can't feel it asleep.

My husband and I filled out the form with 150 questions. It does seem I keep a bit bottled up. But it is not things you just sit around and tell someone except a therapist I would think... It was in the intrusive thought portions. gesh, long winded huh?

I am happy for those who did well this weekend!

Great news about snake!! And well done on sorting that form out. I'm getting terrible with my paperwork. I am supposed to keep a nightmare diary, but I "forget" - basically, I don't want to try to remember them.

Marvelous!!!!! :loopy: HappyHappyHappy!!!!!!!!!!!! I am just soooooo thrilled that your closest critter is ALIVE & WELL!!!!! When you're experiencing your bodily withdrawal symptoms....take your mind back to the exact moment that you first set your eyes on Snake & realized he was GLORIOUSLY ALIVE!!!!! Use this moment of memory to distract yourself...this sort of thing has helped me when going through difficult medicine changes!!! ...... wildfirewildone

SNAKE IS ALIVE!!!!!
What a load off of your mind!!
The 'lil guy could probally get away with almost anything about now, hey? lol
I know the relief you are talking about...
...I've spent many dark nights "searching" for my little dog...
convinced she had been stolen or worse... eeek
only to find her hours later in someones yard sniffing around.
I was always just so happy/relieved to see her, that I couldn't be pissed at her for breaking out of the yard.
Go hug the sh*t off of him, lol, with all the med changes you've put up with.. you definatly deserve it.

Your have to be really strong to go through the med changes,
and I know from reading your posts... you are strong enough!
and you've got a great support system backing you!

Unfortunatly meds can be our best friend and yet our worst enemy at the same time.
Your body needs time to adjust (ex: .....

Wow, k, while I was typing that above part about meds...
I realized that I hadn't taken my meds yet...
looked at my week pill casing and saw that I had neglected to fill it up for this week.
So... I knew I had to run upstairs to get the pills... open each damn pill container... and get out my morning "pill cocktail"...
(which is the whole reason I had put it off for so long)
...then I realized the time... OMG... it's 6 hours past med time....
now I notice that my hands/fingers are shaking...
of course, all of a sudden... I'm burning up and (gross!) sweating...
... great... anxiety attack....

So I finally got myself up... ran upstairs...
desperatly rummaged in my messy drawer for what seemed like hours... until I found the seroquel... took that before I even continued to dig for the other meds.
Hell, I didn't even wait for a drink of water..

Veiled... you are doing wicked... that's I'll I've got to say.
I'm sure you'll be hearing from me when it's time for me to start taking myself off them, or a med change.

You are not alone in being frusterated about side effects
and just remember not to be too hard on yourself... your bodys not against you... it just needs time to adjust

Well, other than the mini attack (described above) and 2 other vehicle related bad panic attacks... my day hasn't been tooo terrible.
Fortuntaly I've managed to keep my general mood (towards others in my home) pleasent and calm.

Appointment with surgeon is in 7 days... sh*t
(had to type that... it's been floating in my mind all day)

YA, hold on. You can do it. You too are strong enough!

Meds, meds, meds. I don't react well to them. I over react, actually. At one point, I was dividing my seroquel down to eighths. (Yes, it's possible with a pill cutter) It's so hard to find that happy medium, where you aren't so snowed you can't get out of bed, or so freakin panicky that you're shaking like a leaf. Just imagine all the med combinations that you could take with all the different dosages. Mind boggling. But I think, all of us are headed toward one med cobination, none at all. Just good old natural endorphins and natural dopamine and seratonin that are produced in our bodies.

My week is going better than my hellish weekend. Had another flashback yesterday but I feel alright. I'm doing better than my my two year old who had gotten bitten by her naughty four year old sister. Boy, did I blow on that one. Lucky for me, I didn't have to do the punishing. I did the consoling and putting the cermonial band-aid and kisses on the owie.

Veiled, yeeeehaw! Snake's Alive!! (get it!!!? Hahahahaha) Okay, that was bad, but jeez, thank god for that! And yeah, hello, before passing info, get the info right!!

Night folks.....:sleep:

Well, I was reading threads on depression from ya'll and I got myself motivated to get up and cook whay my husband had wanted for his birthday. He had planned to do it himself but could not because a storm knocked our power out. So it was a day late and it hurt to do, my muscles ache so bad comming off meds, but did it. And my hubby was tickled he did not have to cook! (so was I, his cooking isn't too hot but sometimes he messes up and something good comes out)

It has me motivated to start some duck and wild rice today. My son isn't tickled with duck but oh well. I have to hatch and butcher before he gets more chicken and ducks grow way faster! Just hope the power stays on! We have a bunch of storms coming out of the Gulf hitting right now. I am sore today but I am not having the withdrawal whip me like yesterday.

Edit- Nam I get it LOL! You silly goose LOL another bad pun your way!

hahahahahaha!

Hi everyone,

Just letting everyone know that we are still alive...........barely. As per Anthony's last post on this thread, said teenager brought home the flu and lucky us now we all have it. I think my work will begin to suspect I am a hypochondriac but in the last 3 weeks there has not been one of us in this house well. Suffice it to say that the teenager has been given the riot act about taking care of himself better, that is wear a bloody jumper or jacket. You wouldn't think it would be such a challenge!!! Anthony is laid up in bed again with muscle aches and pains, bubby has a secondary ear infection and is still coughing from the last run and I have the start of an ear/throat infection. All of the boys are still in bed and it is 11 am our time and I am just letting them sleep........it is sooo quiet! Anyhow, I am sure Anthony will post when he feels a little better.

Sorry to hear that many of you are currently having some challenges with your meds. I can't offer much offer much in the way of advice but I can say that you are in our thoughts, please take care. From a spouse's point of you, I know that it can be a struggle to either find the right ones, the right balance or to take the big step and come off them entirely.

Oh my goodness Kerrie-Ann!!!
That's horrible!
I've still got my cough... I couldn't imagine going through all the BS of the flu again!
You guys take care! and stock up on Halls(hard cough candies)!

As for my day? well... this quote can pretty much sum it up

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

So after everyone left for work, I took Mr. Bear (my dog) for a stroll in the woods (to de-stress).

Needless to say, I have muddy dog prints all throughout my house now...

so I flicked on the laptop,
and I'm going to play a game...
I think getting upset over the carpet would just make things worse...

I'll use an old PTSD trick... avoidence, lol
I'll avoid looking down at the carpet :)

Take care all!

I hope ya'll get to feeling better soon! The flu is miserable. Flu season is over here. My hunny came home being extra grumpy and when I asked how supper was he grumbled fine. Since I had not been cooking it hurt my feelings and just started to get upset. That isn't him and tried instead of getting angry I went over to him and asked did you have a bad day? I said you haven't even hugged me, put my arms around him and he was burning up. Sent him to bed and I am trying to put the kids down without bonking them on their wee heads. Told him like I do the kids, wash your hands and don't touch anything... I don't need it too on top of this, he said as bad as I have been lately I probably would not even notice being sick, yeah right. I guess the stress of me is wearing him down, he doesn't get sick!

Feel bad I sent him out to the well to figure out why it wasn't working when he got home. Looks like the pump burned up or fire ants again. Fire ants always screw it up during flooding... Have to call the guy out, I hate having people out here.

And with 4 kids and 2 indoor dogs I can relate to carpet. My teen girl used my black polish for her boots, left the container open, STEP in the container she left in her floor and tracked it all over the house! It took me days to figure out where all the black crap was coming from. I was ready to kill her. She gets a kick or just has a great talent at pressing my buttons. But I have a bit of a break from her though, she is visiting her aunt right now. The other 3 are easier to handle than her alone! And her aunt has way better patience than I do, she will call me when she pulls a stunt and the child has to be grateful I cannot reach her through the phone and my sister is not as "mean" as mom.

Kids are finally quite, better go make sure they went to bed and did not just kill each other... Night guys, and restful sleep!