wow wildfire--i'd be pissed too if that happened to me...i agree with secretstars, some of those people seriosly need IQ tests

secretstars--good work. i think i speak for many here when i say we're proud of you too :)

purdyamos--yeah, it's terrible when it happens in public...several times i was in a position where i had to leave a class because somehting triggered me...it was nasty--i'd be out for half an hour and the class would end and then i'd go to get my stuff...and everyone'd be staring at me--yeah...not pleasent.
today was actually not too bad...even thoguh i only had about 4 hours of sleep. now it's close to midnight here so i'll head off and just wish everyone here some real sleep. night. RD

secretstars, I did the "mall challange" a week or so ago too, lol
and I wanted to give you a pat on the back for doing it!
You're right, it's a loud busy bustling place, usually crowded with people.
lol, I didn't buy anything when I went either,
but it's the whole "trip" that counts :)
Good Job!

Reallydown... how's your day been so far today?
Good or bad... we'd still love to know

I went through some major triggers today...
(taking a day-trip to the town where everything happened)
it was horrible and I ended up drinking... tsk tsk... bad girl
but I'm home and safe now... whew... it sucked but I got through it.

I ended up finishing my little suduko book...
mind puzzles help distract while travelling in vehicles. :)

I did get :sleep: yay!!!! I was in bed by 11:15 pm....alarm went off at 7am...wanted to go to 9am Mass....wasn't quite sure about the effects of rozerum....if I would get drowsy while driving there or coming home...was awake for 45 minutes..got really drowsy[would have been on the road if I had gone to Mass]...anyway I went back to bed and slept til 3pm....still weepy...but much less agitated...had a bad dream but I didn't wake up terrified...GREAT!!! I sooooooooo much appreciate your support!! I have one hospital that I feel safe going to...almost 2 hour drive east of here...I don't like the fact that I have to go so far to avoid further TRAUMA....but at least I have that option!!! I have driven myself up there because if I go to any ER presenting "mental" problems I lose all rights to where I want to be admitted if that is necessary....I feel it is so unfair that an ER doctor or this Center has more rights to determine my medical future than I do....They are so backward in their knowledge of PTSD and of course they aren't going to believe what I tell them about it....and what symptoms I am showing they haven't a clue to understand let alone have the willingness to be compassionate towards me....:gunem-dow You know I feel that those of us who are :angry-fla with our mistreatment need to band together to try to change the system....It takes a lot of courage for any of us to do that....all that I know is that I can't do it alone!!! We are so scattered from each other location wise....it's hard to band together...I am going to try to connect once again with our local NAMI chapter to be an advocate for better treatment for us in ERs!!! I tried several months ago...but with physical problems resulting from vehicle accident early this year I was a bit hampered...I think that's a good goal for me today...find out where and time of next meeting....get myself back to the state of "I have a voice and I will not be SILENT"...I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! I don't know where I get this courage...I think it has to do with having turned 50 and being so painfully aware that there are so many like like me who have sufferred are getting the same mistreatment as I have!!! I know for certain that groups can get things done more than one individual can....but each group begins with one person!!! I don't know what my future holds...I need to keep moving forward whenever I can find even the smallest bit of energy/courage..even if I am just putting one big toe forward of my other big toe!!! I think I need to take time now and do something for my self nourishment....ART!!!....I'm working on a paper mache goofy looking dinosaur...It already has the goofy look to his face and he's not even "plastered" yet!!! PEACE to ALL!!!!! ....wildfirewildone

Wildfire, that is great that you got yourself some good sleep. Excellent news.

You are absolutely correct about the one person making a difference, and by moving forward, you can make a change to yourself and others. The most important thing though, is that you need to be fixed first, before you can help others, otherwise your mental capacity diminishes rapidly... trust me on that one, as I have done it before and learnt my lesson.

Your one very tough and strong person, and that is an added bonus to helping you recover from PTSD all that bit faster. Keep up the great work.

Party was awesome! Feeling good. Now, time to sleep.....:sleep:

Nam--glad to hear your party was awesome; good stuff

my day was mainly all right...until i talked to my friends who had a great time last night at the fireworks...well...they did call me...i just couldn't...the "bang" sets me off...so i missed out

:dont-know I see your point....about using my energy to work on getting myself "fixed" before I can help others....I know how I've suffered because of the lack of PTSD knowledge in my area and mistreated in ERs and on psych wards....and am very aware that many others [esp. in my old PTSD women's group] suffer the same crap too....Since I turned 50 [to be 52 in 3 weeks] I have become painfully aware that I can't sit around and not SAY something about all of this...If not me, then WHO???? I understand that it will take extra energy for me to tackle this....I can not just be SILENT!!!! It's quite a quandry for me and speaking up I know is putting my recovery in jeopordy...I keep coming back to the same thing...IF NOT ME, THEN WHO???? I am so saddened by the continued suffering of myself and others [tears are starting to flow...] it's all so very very sad and so unjustifiable that we with PTSD are so trampled upon....especially since NONE OF US did anything WRONG to have had our lives ripped asunder through our TRAUMAS.... I just don't know what to do....the GOOD for ONE does NOT over rule the Good for the MANY!!! [more tears...] IMHO

wildfirewildone........PEACE

Wildfire, "IF NOT ME, THEN WHO?" is a great thought, but you will not help anyone if your not atleast 95% yourself, because there is a difference between caring, and actually having to do. I am not saying that you cannot help others, as I think the more that are helping the better, to be honest. What I don't encourage though is people attempting to help others when they have so many issues themselves, as what this does, is become another method to suppress one's own issues, instead of dealing with them, we hide behind trying to help others.

If you can say that you are 95% recovered from your PTSD, then I would highly encourage you to help others with PTSD wildfire. Can you say that honestly?

There is a difference between something like this forum, where in actual fact, the sufferer helps themselves, everyone else in the community just provides their experience and opinions vs. starting a community group or self awareness program, implementing it, putting others livelihoods in your hands to get better, is a huge burden if you still have so many burning issues yourself to get past. What ends up happening, is you try and help someone else, then you go home and crash for 3 days because the stress, anxiety, etc etc all come crashing down upon you.

If you walk away from this forum more than two or three times a year with symptoms, then your not in a position to help others directly with PTSD, instead you are better off playing an indirect role, provide your experience, your suffering, what you have done to make it this far, etc etc, and allow others to learn from your experience, but not give you a symptom outburst yourself.

It is like YA being a super moderator here. She is by no means at 95% running, and she doesn't say she is, and is honest about her current state, yet she helps out in an indirect way by helping me moderate this forum, but has no actual commitment placed upon her by myself to do anything. If she feels well enough, she helps, if not, she looks after her first. She is helping in an indirect method, and has escape to heal herself at all times.

If you commit to running groups and so forth, its not good enough for you not to turn up and run the group because your having a bad day or the like. The group would then be let down, things would get worse very quick, and your world would crash around you before it really began to open up. Its a cautious line that one must be 100% committed and dedicated to follow through, and be capable to follow through mentally, without an often risk of sickness or health issues.

Today has been just another PTSD free day for me. I did get a bit sick this arvo, though it wasn't PTSD related, I think more because I hadn't eaten all day, had late nights and was just getting run down in general. Had an hours sleep, had some dinner, and feeling funky now.

Hope everyone is continueing their own hard work on beating PTSD.

Hello all,

Reading through Anthony's comments about making yourself well are very apposite. I sometimes feel very self-indulgent and even selfish, but it's hard work retraining my brain and I have difficulty reminding myself that. I can't throw myself at the world the way healthy people can because I get ill and exhausted. I just don't have the resources yet.

My drugs are making me very sleepy and I hate not feeling productive. I've hardly done any art work this summer and feel a fraud. I spend the evenings on my other, local forum. I feel that I am making friends there, but I do come across as odd and intimidating, just because my 'normal' doesn't fit with other people's 'normal'. I've decided to be frank and unashamed of having my problems on this other forum, while remaining civil of course, and it appears to discomfort a lot of people. Sometimes emotive subjects come up and I find myself kindling and churning up with anger just before I go to bed which is not best practice! I also fret and get extremely panicky whenever someone disagrees with me. I'm far too sensitive about it, and suddenly I'm being threatened with death by my mother! It's like time travel sometimes, this flashback thing.

Hope everyone else is sleeping well, round the globe. (I still can't get my head round the time differences and clock. Can we have several clocks on the site, you know, New York, London, Tokyo kind of thing?!)