Yer, clocks would be an interesting thing to have purdy... that damn time difference can muck with you at times.

You are getting the picture though purdy, in that it is bloody hard work mentally fixing yourself, and that has physical restraints upon you, as working tough mentally all day wears you out physically also. It took me three years from start to finish to fight every step of the way past PTSD, but it worked, and I am great now, providing I maintain myself and surroundings at all times.

Purdy, keep up the great work... heal yourself... and do it at the pace you can comprehend and analyse, missing nothing or very little along the way. Well done.

Going on vacation y'all. I hope that you guys are all doing well. I'm not sure if I can get online so if you don't hear from me for a while, don't worry!

And wow do I need that "escape" sometimes!
Somedays I just need to crawl under a rock and hide from all responsibilities!
The fact that I don't have a "commitment" to doing a certain thing at a certain time (aka: posting, moderating, replying) takes all the pressure off of helping.
Some days I feel like I could start a big support group...
...other days taking care of myself is a huge chore.
So I agree with Anthony that a person has to be at least 95% better before they should take on big commitments.

Funny this topic came up actually...
'cause my last couple of days have been sh*t

When I talked to the surgeon last week I was devastated to find out that the pain I'm experiencing is probally bone and nerve damage... the sugery isn't even going to give pain relief....
...this pain is forever.

As brave as I'm trying to be (couldn't even post the devasting news 'til now)
I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with this physical pain for the rest of my life.

I am already on pain medication (for nerve pain) and it just barely dulls the ache and shooting pain.
And it wouldn't be so bad if the pain came and went... I might be a happier person if it did.
But it's a constant... constant hell.

Honestly I'm confused... what do I do?
The only thing that kept me motivated through the pain was the fact that sugery might possibly relieve it.
Now that I know this is something I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life... I just want to go to the doc and request a life-time prescription for morphine...

and here's a link to a site that will give you the time and date of places around the world.
It's the easiest one I've found... just click on "sort by country" and it should show the best format for us.

Thanks for the link Y & A. I'm so sorry to hear your news about the pain. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I tend to comfort myself that the memory of physical pain doesn't last like psychological pain does. Nature is at least kind in that way. But to be told 'forever'...Have you tried acupuncture? (forgive me if you've already mentioned it, I haven't read all your posts). There's evidence it's good for pain, perhaps pain that can't be reached by other methods. But I expect you've already tried everything.

I've just had a kick in the teeth on my other forum. Last night I was called too transparent in a private message by a friend, which made me feel an oddball. Tonight there's been a veiled reference to me as the 'mad cat spinster' and I suddenly feel ostracised and freaky. I want to go on a day trip tomorrow but I'm so so sick of being on my own all the time and having no buddies to hang out with. I'm also already having nightmares about Christmas, which is a record even for me. It's only a few weeks before the stormclouds gather again and my stress levels go stellar. I'm going to be giving this site a workpout when that happens!

By the way, Nam, have a great holiday (you didn't say where, but may it be magnificent and restful).

YA... that is really crap news, your right. As you've been told this is lifelong now... I think you might want to start checking out alternative medicine, because what doctors often can't do, alternative medicine can do. I have seen it enough for my own eyes, and even had some things done myself, and it changed my whole outlook on how sticking a needle into a point on my body could make such a huge, significant impact in change for the better upon me. One example, scar tissue. I had surgery on my ankle in 2000 when I broke it fighting, and they had to pin it and plate it back together. Anyway, that ankle has scar tissue on it, which the multiple doctors answers where to go back under the knife and remove the excess scar tissue. See the irony there? Surgery causes scar tissue, so they want to do more surgery to remove it. Yes, go figure. Mind you, the second is keyhole surgery to remove it. Anyway, the more surgery you have on one place, medically and naturopathy factual, is that you increase the chance of cancer and other issues forming from that place.

So, I went and got acupuncture from an exceptional acupuncturist who is also highly trained in TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine), and lets just say, my scar tissue went away all from him just putting needles into key points within my body. YA... I used to think it was all shit myself... and I learnt for myself. I would say the same for you, go to a few sessions of acupuncture and see for yourself. You will be quite surprised how they make the pain go away from pushing certain nerves and bodily components to counter pain. A good acupuncturist will most likely fix your pain 99%. You may then have to return once per month or something for continual treatment, opposed to having to put prescription medication in your body and live with all those side effects and health issues medication causes.

I don't know how much they could fix you if your still having surgery, but I guarantee you now, yes big call, they if you find a highly experienced acupuncturist who is qualified in TCM, they will be able to make a lot of your pain go away naturally, and you will be able to get off all those medications for pain relief.

As you say...I honestly can't say that I'm 95% in regards to my PTSD...Just the weekend before last...a set of events came to play that ended with me being carted off to the local ER....which in the time since has resulted in nightmares..flashbacks..jumping at the sounds of sirens & knocks at my door....feelings of terror..bouts of crying...to the point that I could only read the posts and then only if they weren't more than 3 or 4 sentences...I feel time ticking away and I am rather concerned that my life won't count for anything....I feel compelled to push myself farther than my body & mind seem to be ready for....I think maybe this is called MID-LIFE CRISIS??? I know there's not a lot of help and concern for PTSD sufferers in my area...It just tugs at my heartstrings!!! :frown: I will take you advice though and not put myself "out on a limb" as much as it grieves me not to push on to becoming an advocate for this cause....wildfirewildone
PEACE oh...Just wanted to say that the rozerem has helped me to get adequate sleep....I only take every other night though...It takes the edge off to overcome my reticence to go to bed as I get so afraid of nightmares and overly concerned with wondering if tomorrow is going to be a "hell-day" with my PTSD symptoms....:sleep: Tonight is my "off" night which is why I am still awake...Guess I'll just go to bed and lay there shaking til I drop off.....

That is precisely what I mean. It isn't about saying your not capable of doing something, because you are; it is more about saying, are you capable right now? In twelve months time wildfire, you could have healed yourself enough that you can then dedicate yourself to truly helping others, without the personal torment and symptoms jumping you when you talk with others who are still suffering the worst of PTSD. That alone is something you would need to be capable of handling, like water of a ducks back, so to speak, were you listen, you process, and you understand and provide advice / experience, but you don't take it within yourself and then make it your trauma. If something hits too close to home, often we will absorb some of the effect, hence why the symptom outbreak. You first, then others.

I think maybe its just called PTSD!!! What you describe wildfire is exactly what PTSD is during its worst, when symptoms are out of control, you don't know where to start, or which symptom to choose to begin trying to recover. The answer to that last bit, is you don't! You start at the trauma, and then the symptoms will dissipate to a lower level, at which time you then begin picking them off one by one and learning to control the residual effects.

I think you need to just give yourself a little you time for a while wildfire. Stay within your safety zones, stay within your safe limits, become a bit more at ease within yourself first, then tackle your trauma.

Today I expressed my concern about "dealing with this pain forever" to my therapist
so he's referring me to a pain specialist right away...
...they sure have their work cut out for them...

YA, have faith, girl. These are pain specialists....although so are we aren't we? Sometimes, though, they can do remarkable things. I hope the best for you..