Wildfire,

is there any particular reason that this neighbour (dealer) is threatening your life??

Hi people! Can't believe how much there is to catch up on while I've been away. Holiday was good. It wasn't a holiday from ptsd - don't know why I thought things might be different?!), but I still managed to get out and do the things I wanted to.

It's going to take a while to catch up on how everyone is doing, but I just thought I'd say hi.

Hi Piglet!
Welcome back!!!

Great to have you back piglet... and I am glad you got out and about and enjoyed your holiday the best you could... great stuff. I am sure your next one will involve less PTSD, more enjoyment...

Probably he sees me as a threat to his "doing his own thing" He probably doesn't like for me to call the cops whenever I smell the drugs in the hallway.....and he doesn't like me to tell him to close his apt door to cut out the noise coming from it which includes loud music..TV..friends carrying on..grandkids hollering and their excursions into the hallway yelling..and being a dealer he doesn't want me to discourage his "trade"....plus he thinks he doesn't have to be concerned about other neighbors' needs for quiet and and safety...plus when he's "high" the drugs cause him to be even more belligerent and then he just doesn't give a damn who he hurts so being threatening is okay by him...That's what really scares me...that he'll take his threat to the next step and actually physically harm me!!!!
.....wildfirewildone....PEACE

Wow, does my back hurt. but I'm so close! Even though I'm complaining about pain, this is actually a lot of fun. I don't think I've been this content in a while. Boredom makes me (what's the right word?) not well, I guess (oops, two words). Well, these next two weeks are far from boredom! There's a certain amount of satisfaction when I have control over my environment. I can make it look and function better. I really like that about home remodeling. My hub likes it too...looking at it that is, he doesn't really like doing it!

I was able to make a grocery list for my husband this weekend. Still hard to get me out. But I could actually think clearly enough to make a menu for all the meals and snacks this week and compile a list with out confusion.

I was able to cook though it wasn't like I used to do, from scratch. But it isn't a frozen pizza. More pastas and fancy sandwiches type of things. It is improvement any way.

Confusion kicked in when I told my husband I wanted to tell him about my incident this afternoon. I tried to put the pasta up but kept going from the kitchen to the table knowing what what I was supposed to be doing but felt like my brain was misfiring, I guess from anticipation and fear of telling him. As he tried to ready the baby for bed he finally said you are getting a container... So it was obvious I was not functioning.

I guess he fell asleep with the baby since all is quite up there now and not sure if I want to drop this load on him after he fell asleep. Today he worked 12 hours, mowed the rest of the lawn since it was not finished yesterday(at least an acre front lawn) and spent an hour shopping after work trying to find the rest of the kids school supplies and gym clothes for my teenage daughter. I almost fainted, she said thank you. To top it off my A/C fried again and in Texas heat night time really doesn't bring relief, I don't want to make his day harder than it already was.

I think you made a smart move veiled, and I think your husband probably has had enough for one day after all that. If your so tense and nervous, fearful even of telling him things, wait a few days until you are also a little better from your last session, and talk with him then, when you are both more relaxed and have more time to talk without interruption. Your next session aftermath will be similar, if not sometime worse than what you are suffering now... but they get better and better as you go through them.

Veiled, I just want to say... CONGRATULATIONS for do such a good job with yourself and getting into trauma therapy. It is a huge move for anyone to take with fear of their past... you have stepped past that fear just to get into trauma therapy... well done, and honestly, you are doing great and your after affects are normal. Keep up the great work, and soon you will find yourself lighter than ever, sleeping better, no nightmares, no flashbacks, nothing at all in actual fact to be fearful from... great work.

Wildfire,

I think you are absolutly right.
You have become a threat to him by calling the cops.

I agree that you have the right to a safe living environment...
but honestly, is it worth it?
I think it would have been easier to just in an "annonymous" complaint or send a letter to the building management/police. Then just start trying to get out of there!

By not making yourself a direct threat to him,
He probally wouldn't be creeping outside your door (which is scary!)

You probally don't agree with what I've said,
and I do understand why you would call the police...
but to me... sometimes just avoided uneeded conflict is healthier.
Especially if you live alone!


Just woke up an hour or so ago...
just been in a daze for the last couple of days.
Doc appointment later today,

I hope that you had a successfull meeting with the Doc....I know all about being in a daze...I keep having boiuts of that with all the stressers in my life....I didn't take my meds last night [not a good idea!!] and ended staying up all night....since I was up real early this morning...I decided to go to the 8:00 mass.....when I got back in my van I grabbed my purple horse [Valient] and started crying and sobbing....I've been burying so many of my feelings about what's been going on in my life....so I guess I just guess my feelings exploded....The hardest thing for me has been the loss of the relationship with my cousin [I married into the family and even though I got a divorce they kept me!!] just because my sicko sister harrassed her by phone and used my name....I feel like she's dead to me...can't have a funeral...she still lives on the planet....I have no idea what her grown kids think....I fear that I will be an outcast to my "true family"....I've been working on developing relationships with other cousins...don't know now how I stand with them....I feel this loss really deeply....kind of feel I'm just a drifter now....I'm still working on getting ahold of the Police Lt. ....:frown: PEACE....wildfirewildone