Today... another good day for me. Feeling funky, got some work done today online within some sites, played with bub all day as his first day at day care didn't happen because he had a fever still this morning, a bit sick and teething is the combination, but certainly not well enough for day care. Hopefully next week should be ok, fingers crossed.

Just because you need a break from the world everynow and then...
does not mean that you love 'lil guy any less!!!!

You sound like a great dad...
and if you know it would benefit you... do it!!


It's 5:30 AM... still haven't slept, and I don't think it's gonna be happening anytime soon... Darn!
Had a stressful day... lots of little demands from the people around me
(ex: drive me here... can you grab ____ for me?... can you look up?..., etc.)
Sometimes I just want to scream at people... "Do it yourself!!!!"
Its the guilt I feel after I say "no" that gets me...

Yer, I actually do just say, do it yourself, and leave it at that, and if the people around me don't work it out, then it doesn't happen. I just can't deal with the stress nowadays... Don't feel guilty for looking after yourself, as I'm actually sure people would rather do things for themselves if they understood it will create undue stress for you, thus making you one cranky little woman vs. not cranky little woman.

It's just gotten to the point where I just want to avoid the conflict that goes with not helping the person... really feeling being taken advantage of right now. Did I mention that my sibling moved into my house 3 weeks ago?

Still haven't slept... I didn't take my sleeping pills,
and everytime I lay in bed something pops into my mind and I have to jump up and do it. Very frustrating

Its really quite difficult to retrain your brain as such, but time will show the way with the knowledge you build now YA. Get through the next year or so, continue building knowledge on PTSD symptoms and how to identify and control them, and you WILL become much much better, sleep quite normally, and have a fairly normal existence providing excess stress is not placed upon you.

Both my doctors initially said to me when diagnosed, "you need to crawl under a rock for a couple of years, work yourself out, then reevaluate what is going on within life" which I pretty much did, and come out trumps for it. It takes time, and lots of patience... keep strong, and you will make it through the other side of this.

My day started well, but is ending pretty shit really. Reality hit me hard tonight while I was minding my own business getting wet while walking the dog. Having an agreement which means I won't be back working full-time until next year has made this whole thing damn scary. I was told the other day that I'm not taking things seriously enough. I know my usual way of dealing with it all is the denial thing, but hey, I'm really struggling to handle it when I actually do the reality check thing. Feeling pretty despairing right now.

Also had a huge trigger (like being stuck in a room with management today wasn't enough!). My 13 year old neice is refusing to go to school because of some bullies. She got jumped and they smashed her mobile phone and keep picking on her. The school have done nothing. She is the daughter of my crazy brother. He has never had any parental responsibility of any significance. Now he has an opportunity to help make her life better. What happens - he calls my mum. She calls me to ask what to do - I'm a teacher, so i should have all the answers.

I really want to help, but I'm not in a fit state and I can't handle seeing my brother right now, even for my neice. I have had to settle for sending some books for her and her mum on school bullying and how to deal with it. They are going express from amazon tomorrow. At least I'm doing something positive for them, but I'm feeling shit about it and everything else.

I'm done now. Hope tomorrow is better. Not looking forward to tonight.

well my last few days have been very disappointing, kim and i officially separated and ill be moving intertstate,im thinking of giving the course a miss and just going i think the sooner i go the better.

Ouch, that is pretty sad to hear actually. I know the course would help you both so much, its just a shame that it fell down just before it. Kim would get so much from that course, so many pieces of the puzzle would fall into place for her, especially as spouses also do their own lectures and group sessions. Shame, but life does this too us.

Best of luck with the move mate, and if I can do anything for you, just ask.

I still have that line of thought on daycare but in this case it IS for Anthony's benefit, and the entire households' to be blunt. Wednesday's are nightmare days for us......I work until 4, come home and go back to work to arrive back home anywhere between 11 to 12pm. Logan, Anthony's eldest, has football training on that night......so Anthony drops him and now 3 off his mates off for that. All day with bubby, then run around like a mad man getting tea, helping with baby (so I can get back to work by 7pm) and dropping boys off at football. By the time I walked back in the door he was usually venting frustration at me, not good after I have worked such a long day and am tired with limited resources to handle crap. Tired of that crappy merry-go-round, I decided that one day a week in day care would not harm the little fella too much. Daddy might be able to do some work, sleep, rest, exercise uninterrupted. At least he won't be chewing my head off when I walk in the door!!

Kerrie-Ann, Its blunt, but I believe you are absolutly right.
The lil guy might even enjoy having 1 day a week for him to socialize with different children. You never know!
You are working 2 jobs, that must be exhausting in itself,
not to mention the extra stresses life puts on us...
I'm sure wednesday nights would improve dramatically if Anthony felt less "rushed"... personally I don't even have 1/2 of the responsibilities that Anthony does... and I still have a hard time keeping my emotions in check.
One day a week won't hurt the 'lil guy, I'm sure he gets lots of love whenever you two are around him.
:)


Today I woke up early after another nightmare...
The meds I'm on are helping me to remember what my dreams are about...
...not so sure that is the best idea... it almost stresses me out more...
headed to the Doc in 15 min so they can review my meds again,
very anxious... very