:frown: I expected the euphoria of camping with my son and being away for my 52nd birthday to not last for long.....crap!!! seems I misplaced all my meds [base supply in a Pooh box and pillminder too]....missed 3 med times....thought i had brought meds in apt....when getting back in Monday am at 3 thirty....little bit of stuff i got in....no meds....too scared to go back out to van....bad neighborhood....did not know what drug dealing neighbor would be up to....did not want to know...scraps of sleep....got back out late aft. took all stuff in...so had missed am meds....still no meds....at bed...same thoughts about going out again....3rd time no meds...chem system all crapped up!!!...that'll start just after one med miss..... nightmares...terrors...flashbacks....hallucinattio ns....got this got this human-like little creature kicking my cells....can't get that sob to stop!!!!....no one to get gas dollars from to see pschodoc kcept the perp who traumed me....found meds after tossing all trash and upendending pillows and sweter etc.....got meds down....screwed for sometime to come....takes time for chem system to recover....wish it only took 3 med takes to get even....will get bucks later to see psy doc 4 pm...called therapist...got to talk to him 2nd time when i went to leave 2nd message....talks hospital....god....i hear the ward door locking....just not needing that prospect....crazies....oh me oh my......

Veiled, the VA is a miserable place. Lower standards are generally acceptable there for Veteran’s. Sure they’ll tell everyone that the Veteran’s are top priority, but actions seem to speak louder than words in that respect. Let’s face it, and it’s only human nature, but the majority that are employed there are not employed because they want to help Vets… they’re there because they need a job and could give a rats ass about someone just because they’re a Veteran.
The VA lost stuff?? Not surprising as they lost my PTSD info (got the rest of my info that was in the file)… just lost (threw away) the portion that would get me my welfare check. I’ll send them another copy later on that I’m sure they’ll claim they never got (they’ll be throwing that one away too). Veteran’s with PTSD are a dime-a-dozen these days, and when they stop losing our files, we tend to garner compensation that tends to sap the shit out of budgeted government $$$.
And like you, I feel lucky to not have gotten my ass kicked, shot (or thrown in jail yet). I guess having an apprehensive or mean disposition out in public, and being 6’ tall and over 200 lbs helps too. Really, not going out much is what keeps me out of trouble.
Maybe I should clean out the cob webs from the boat and go fishing also… just can’t seem to get interested enough though. Congrat’s on the catch and the positive weight loss!

Today I actually felt a little guilty for the incident between myself and that 1SGT yesterday… maybe he just didn’t know my situation then. I just remembered though, back when my boss called me a ‘bitch’ and I nearly stomped his ass for it, that 1SGT was notified and he just sat back and didn’t do shit. So, in a way, it’s ironic that I, of all people, would be the one to later call him a ‘little bitch.’

I agree, I have tattoos and several piercings. My favorite part of the tattoo is the time to "zone out" There's something hypnotic about the hum of the tattoo gun and the endorphin rush of the initial pain and then..... nothing, sweet nothing.

It's 02:00 hrs and I'm still here... no offense to this forum, but this sucks! bye

Hang in there WF! You'll get through it!

Mac, exactly... please read Forum Usage, Internet vs. Addiction

Same shit, different day. Sorry- always wanted to write that and today seems appropriate.

WF, That must have been a major shock to the system. I am so sorry for you, it had to be terrible. I hope you are feeling a bit better now and taking in some local nature I know you enjoy so much!

Have you been working to try to get off meds or are you set in taking them? I am just happy you did not end up in the hospital, I know with a lot of those meds a quick cease in taking can mess you up bad. Have to come off nice and slow paced.

Mac, that is exactly what happened to him. The rest of his files stayed intact, that bit of info on the broken back is all they lost.

Yesterday on my GP visit I posted already. GP gave hubs a choice of a cast or a boot for his ankle and put him on bedrest for 2 weeks. Went and got him the boot. He is only to get up for bathing and bathroom. He has been home for a week already and he was now told he screwed it up really well and they think the tendons may have ripped completely so it has to be completely immobilized, two more weeks added on top of that now and get rechecked then to see what progress is made and if he can work again then. 3 weeks of zero income is going to be rough. I love him, but it is wearing on me doing his share, feeling like I have 5 kids care for, and I hate seeing him in pain. No income doesn't help either. It is killing me doing so much.

I get called this AM to get more shit over not going to services. But I am just numb to it all at this point, even his death. I am just not feeling again, except panic and want to throw up.

I was feeling good I could get in a size 5, and I will admit at 5ft a size 5 is a little chunky still compared to how I used to be, but my teen daughter has a death wish. She made a big ass comment at me when I was bending over... I had been driving all damn day and was worn out. Don't jack with me.:cussing: My husband said to her all nice. Listen, your momma's temper hasn't been all that easy to keep in check. You running around and sounding like an asshole to her is not the wisest move you can make, you are going to find her knocking you on your ass or off a wall. And then he added and personally the way you have been treating her you are lucky she hasn't yet and I think she needs to.

I am so frigging sick of the fat comments from that brat. Last time my sons cornered her when she out of the blue made one of those comments. I just let them rip her a new ass and walked off. I used to have a steller bod that would stop traffic, not all it is cracked up to be... I was embarassed at how I looked and contributed to a lot of my fears about men to add people do not think you have half a brain to add to it. After being raped a few times it was a curse to look like that. Just because I don't anymore in the last couple years and have a more normal body and am by no means "fat" now and she has to be such a frigging ass about it. I told her it is what is upstairs that matters. Not the shell. She is following in mom's steps and she is a beauty, but she is a dumb ass who thinks that is all she needs. I checked a book out for her. "beauty fades, dumb is forever". And I know I am over protective of her because I want to spare her what I went through.

How is that for ironic? On one hand I would love to look like that again for my husband and myself but it sends me hiding in my home when I did look like that and feared any guy who made a move on me. I have *never* dated a guy who came on to me. I just wish I could yell at all the women who stirve to look like the "ideal" image STOP! Just because that is the shit guys hang posters of in the garage... DO you really want that???? Because that is all anyone sees, you are nothing but and inanimate object once you acheive it! Everyone assumes you are a bitch because you are shy or scared; the good guys won't give you the time of day because they would never think you would date a normal guy, until you get the guts to ask them out. It sucks on so many levels. And I can't believe my daughter thinks this is all great when I have been trying as she has grown to get it through her head she needs to be a smart woman, and the heart and soul matter. Have compassion. The other stuff is just crap.

At the doc the nurse said "isn't she beautiful?" he said "she sure is" then popped off at him... "I am talking about the baby" I wanted to crawl into a hole! I was so embarassed that I wore clothing that showed my figure for a change. Back in baggy today.

My sons are great when they catch me going through my old clothes trying to find something to fit. They always tell me I am beautiful just like my husband does. I am raising some good boys. I know they will not be pigs. Well, not total pigs, I still believe men are all pigs to a certain degree on some level... But so are women.

Have more but I am throwing it in the diary and I have to go get children...

Everyone, I wish I could just make all of your problems go away!!!!

I don't want to sound "goody-good", but I'm having a good day. I babysit for a little girl now on weekdays and that keeps me on schedule. I am so tired though! She walks, but not without help so I go 'round and 'round the loop inside my house. I think she's mad at all of us right now, for not being her mommy or daddy. I hope she eventually feels comfortable here.

More home improvement. I have a birthday party to throw and gotta get things done! Putting down more flooring in the foyer. I wish you all good luck!