Not a bad day, better than I've had lately. I actually got out of bed, showered and went for breakfast!! That's darn near amazing for me as of late!! I'm having a 'whatever' day. If i'm not raging or panicking I just don't care. I seem to be flipflopping all over the place. That's okay though.

I'm nervous as hell about doc's appointment tomorrow. I do not want to discuss the meds, my depression or anything else with him, but I have to... Nothing like feeling like a little kid dreading the "needle" appointment!!

LOL, sometimes this is just all so silly, isn't it??

Bec

Good luck with you Doc appointment Bec!

I woke up really down today... I think I need a break from everything for a bit. I hate the fact that my moods change so fast. I think its time for a change of meds... the ones I am taking are not helping. I think I will call my therapist... but she might be on vacation, I dont remember!!! darn!!
:hit-boss:

Thanks for the encouragement with tapering off meds Veiled. I've been the Benzo route before that's why I chose it first :die:
Which made me think: Please everyone, if you want to get off your meds talk to your doctor first!! There's nothing worse than you ending up in the Emergency Room and your Doc gets a call and is clueless as to why you may be not feeling so well!! If you've never tapered meds, Veiled is right, go slow. Your doctor may put you on a 2-week taper schedule; that may be too fast for you. Speak up! For me, a 30-dy taper schedule works better.

And let's not beat ourselves up too bad over crazy mood swings. Tonight is a full moon :crazy-eye And while there are "experts" that tell you the moon has no effect on the body, I believe it does. The moon affects tides of the oceans and our bodies are largely made of water.....

Hugs to all,
~Boo

I do the cut about every week. I paused during hubs accident off the deck, but I have been waiting for him to heal to keep cutting. Taking too long so I did the cut yesterday. I feel like dog shit today. I was doing .5 mg at a time off until I came down from 9 -10 mg to 3 mg a day. I figured I am used to 1 mg per dose now and if I cut a dose in half it may be too rough so only took a quarter off one dose. See how it does before I make it a full half off.

Reminds me the damn shrink needs me to reschedule... I need to call her, can't believe 2 months has already gone by since seeing that woman. And got the CBT this evening...

Even the docs can screw up tapering too, educate yourself on your drug... She tried to stop me all at once on the 9 - 10 mg xanax I was on, even that high of a dose to switch me to klopin? colanzepam? 2 mg. I ended up in ER. She screws up but I have to pay for it, did physically and finacially as I am uninsured! Bitch could have killed me. Yeah, I am just loving the idea of visiting her again, thankfully she has resigned herself just to monitor my withdrawals and slowly take me off what I am on and quit trying to feed me more dope after enough hissy fits.

Doc in ER had shot me up with some type of painkiller (do not know what, they just said pain killer used to calm) to calm me that made my chest burn so bad and I just freaked out... I "knew" I was dying at that point (I think everyone in ER heard that scream) and they followed it a moment later with benadryl. It made the burn stop and calmed me but damn, give a woman a heads up before shooting her up with shit that is going to do that. He came in later shocked to see me awake. He said anyone he gives that to knocks them out... I am not anyone. You could give me a horse tranquilizer and I would still stay awake! That was during the height of panic attacks and PD developing. I had to learn to control those upstairs, no med or amount helped those. ahhh memories... NOT! But looking then to now I can see progress.

Good Day. Been having alot of those lately. It's weird to still be having a good day, but tired all at the same time. My husband said to me yesterday, "You're happy." Notice that it was a statement, not a question! It's been a long haul, but I think I found PEACE (thinking of you wildfire...) with everything. Feels good. I hope the rest of you all are doing well. Healing vibes your way!

Hi everyone,
Its friday....i have been pretty depressed this week and come today i am still sad...things are not going to well for me and its so hard to sit here and work! it drives me crazy...i wish things were different...every day keeps getting harder and harder and i dont even have PTSD!! my god! Im frustrated...angry...hurt...im everything!
I feel like i am hurting the most important person in my life...the ONE person who has shown me love and respect and has never failed to be there for me...I feel i have let him down and failed him... i just want to apologize for everything :-( I know you are going to go see your doctoe today. I hope it goes well and you get the undertsanding you need. I love you
I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Not a bad day for me. Therapy helped reduce the anxiety a bit, so maybe I'll sleep better tonight. Dog is lame, so no walking tonight. Maybe I'll take my bike out instead.

Take care everyone and have a good weekend

Doing pretty well today; it's Friday and I have two days w/o having to deal with adolescents! Yippee!

On the down side, the neighbor on one side of us called to tell us that the neighbor on the other side of us died this morning. The neighbor who died, Doc, was 89 years old; he was driving and pulled out in front of a car and ended up getting t-boned. He was in the hospital for about 6 weeks and I guess his body just finally gave up. Pretty sad. Hate funerals; don't know if I will go or not. It sucks. Oh well...we all die someday...I just hope when it's my time to go that it'll happen quickly!

Last couple days have just been crap. And last week seemed like one of the hardest on me in a while. Withdrawals blow, but I think I am feeling better today, it is raining again and everyone is sleeping in so it is just the critters and I up. Down to 2.5 mg xanax! But I still want to know where the connection is to withdrawals and my kidneys. I had to yell at the kids to come down stairs and it felt like I they were just so bruised feeling when I did. It seems it just keeps getting worse the more I cut it. Which just yells at me the sooner this is out of my system the better.

If all goes well I will knock off a little more tomorrow, I am normally back to fine after day four. Hubs went back to doc. Another week off, making it 4 weeks of no work for him. He is improving though and able to get around a bit better so I figure I will take advantage of it and keep knocking it down every 4 days to get as much of this out of my system as I can since he can help with the baby to an extent. I hope to be down to 1.5 mg by the time he returns to work. I am so pleased the end is in sight to get off this drug. And zoloft will be promtly tossed out the window then. May end up having to go to a little extra therapy to help but it will be worth it! The idea of being drug free makes me very content.

Doc said cigarettes will be next in line and the last thing dependent on. I have tried to quit dozens of times and I just will keep in my head that cigarettes are not any worse in any form than xanax coming off. I don't care who says it is, it isn't. Cigarettes are just easier to get, well not for me. Shrink would love to keep me on dope and they don't check IDs to buy it just need a script, forget my ID and that is when they card me for my smokes! Just last time I tried to quit it seemed to do a number on me inducing panic attacks, but I think I have a better grip on them now so maybe it won't be as hard.

Hi All

I totally agree with Boo about the full moon making you feel a bit grrrrrrr. My 3yo has taken to calling me mummy volcano for the last day or so.(I'm usually mummy giraffe or whatever thing he is mimicking at the time & he is baby whatever he chooses to be at that time). Out of the mouth of babes!
Hope everyone is taking care of themselves.