Atleast your remembering your dreams, which is far better than not remembering, even though you may not think so now. Dreaming means that that particular issue / trauma is on your mind, thus it gives you something to focus upon for hitting first, then as more things appear, hit them head on, until basically you don't dream about traumatic events / experiences anymore, and when dreaming, you think quite normally about what your going to do tomorrow, or an event that is coming up, instead of all the terrible stuff.

Well, today... another great day, feeling funky, fit and healthy, bursting with energy. Things are all pretty good in life for me. Booked in for the State of Origin (NSW vs. QLD) rugby league here in Melbourne early July, so looking forward to that. We have some tickets for other big events coming up, so that is also great to look forward too. Gonna get some tickets to the AFL soon and go to a few games, which is great, even with a 100,000 people attendance in most games, the atmosphere is nothing short of brilliant.

If you remember, I actually have PTSD, and I live a pretty normal life now, though I still don't work as such, because that would be an unneccesary stressor that would just put me back to square one at this stage. I believe I will be able to work again though next year, something small and part-time to just help me get back into the normal life routine without taking on the abundance of stress.

Yes, you too can do this. It takes a few years, but most certainly can be done. Upset the balance to early, it will fail. Think you can live in denial forever and not face your trauma, it will fail. Think you can expose yourself to high levels of stress or re-experiencing situation, it will fail.

Education has gotten me to where I am now, and lots of it, with time as a combining factor to absorb and apply the learnt tools and techniques. Will I still have bad days, weeks and months even? Most certainly... But I am more good now than terrible throughts, feelings and physical let down.

Get cracking people, you can do this and get past the worst of it.

I thought I would just add that bit for a little inspiration, not for self importance, but to demonstrate it can be done, and how it is done. For those still tip toeing around your trauma, think long and hard about it. For the small amount of time you will hurt physically and mentally fighting your trauma/s head on, the outcome far surpasses the work required.

Get cracking...

It's great having the benefit of your experience, but I don't seem to be able to accept it! I have made some small steps - getting my return to work phased over 6 months, for example - but I still seem programmed to push myself to the limit. Doh!

I kinda feel the same way... I don't ever see myself being OK with it or being able to accept it.
But Anthony's proven it is possible, and I am more than willing to do anything to get better.
Just got to work at it

Look, I thought the same thing when I was in the initial stages... wondering if my life was going to be a constant mess. For years I had to constantly fight myself from driving into a pole at high speed, or killing myself at any opportunity just so I didn't have to go through this my entire life. Then I did the PTSD course, where I learnt a hell of lot more information and tools from experts in the field, had some very shitty months after that, better for many months, triggered it again returning to Townsville, now better again and learnt another valuable lesson... don't return to Townsville.

Here's a big piece of advice for everyone with PTSD. There are three main types of people with PTSD:

1. Those who deny they have it, or it affects them;
2. Those who become workaholics, alcoholics, drugs, highly reliant on medications, etc to suppress it, but they know they have it;
3. Those who accept it, embrace it, work with it and not against it, and learn to control the symptoms and their lifestyle to suit it.

One and two will never see the other side of PTSD unti they change their thinking, lifestyle and attitude towards PTSD. Three is the only one that will ever see the other side of PTSD, back to some sort of normality. I know just from reading here, that most fall into #1 or #2, and a couple of people here are #3, myself included.

This all just reminded me of a very important piece of information I need to post here about the core root of PTSD triggers for symptoms. I will start a new thread on that one though.

< updated with the link for vital information >

Hello again.
Sorry I haven't been here much. I've spent most of my time crashing and preparing for this post-wedding thing comming up next week.
My husband and I eloped bringing only our mothers which totally offended ALL of the rest of my family so now we're doing a "big" thing for them.
They don't seem to understand this though and believe its for "us." This is very frustrating. When I say "I don't care," I'd like people to believe me.
I've been thumbing through the phone book looking at phychologist numbers but then I stare at the phone, unable to dial the number of another ******* doctor and start to hyperventalate.
I don't know if I'll ever be well enough to get help being as help is one of my major triggers.
I know councilers aren't doctors, but my best friend's mother works at a hospital as a desk receptionist and I sometimes freak out on him!
I've been near a breakdown for quite some time now and having to squeeze time in for this forum is killing me.
I'd like to just have time for me, to come here and talk.

Aaaaaaaah Shadow. I can't help you with the PTSD stuff but as for the wedding, Anthony and I eloped and didn't even invite our mothers! As I am the only girl this upset Mum a little bit but she is over it now. They will all get over it eventually. I am sorry that you feel like you have to put on a 'do' for the rest of the family. The day is meant to be about you and your partner anyway. This just adds another lot of stress to the load that you already carry. Is it too late to cancel, perhaps you could run with their plans and then just not turn up......let them have the party if they want it so bad. Sounds like you need a rest more than you need more stress. Take care.

Hey Shadow, good to hear from you again. Yes, the time thing can often be another frustration, but it can be resolved over ... time! Parodity or what? Anyway, the hard take is this... you need to start getting yourself better, because your certainly not doing anyone, including yourself, any favours by not allocating time to achieve the aim you need. This is a life threatning illness, don't be fooled by it, and you need to work on yourself to get past this. If you are going to flatout refuse to go to a counsellor because the medical field is involved with the trauma, then get your butt on here more and chat with us so we can help you get better, atleast possibly good enough to then get yourself to a counsellor for some face to face discussion without all the anxiety just getting their.

Again, don't be fooled into thinking you can just go on your merry way with PTSD untreated, because it is factually life threatning in many aspects. The impact untreated PTSD has upon our bodies is phenomonal, which is proven to increase cancers, heart attack, and many many more illnesses. You need to start being 110% serious about devoting time to fixing yourself, or you won't be around long enough to fix anything.

Hi Shadow!
Some girls dream of their wedding day... planning and fantasizing about the big day...
It's nice to know that someone else (that being you) feels the same way I do about having a big wedding, with everyone looking at you.
Personally it scares the crap out of me,
I would love to elope, and like you did, I would definatly take my
immediate family (moms dads, etc.) but that's it.
Take care during this time, try to enjoy it as much as you can... regardless of the stress it's causing... venting on here helps :)

Yeah Y&A I know. It's not really scary for me, just boaring and useless. I'd rather buy a motorbike with all that money. I guess it's up to $600 which I hear is cheap. I think it's just retarded.
I want to get better I do. I'm so tired of being broken.
I'll try to visit every morning.
Thanks so much for the support, you guys are always great.

hehe... motorbike... I like you already, just for saying that, lol
You are doing really good though, $600 is very cheap (from what I've heard)
Look forward to seeing ya in the mornings :)


Today was alright... kinda full of meds though...
makes me alot quieter...
and GUESS WHAT! I was able to take a nap today!!!!
Tada!!! If only the nightmares would stop now... dammit.
Been keeping myself busy researching various things...
just trying to keep busy