Fall is showing it's face here to. Last week it was 80 F. now it's 40F. blah!!!

I'm good here! Had a nice party over the weekend and thinking that I kind of like having people over at my house. I'm a bit sad that the weekend is ending and the work week is starting, but all I have to do is make some plans and forge ahead. Thanks to you all that have supported me.

YA, I've wondered where you went..I'm thinking about you.

Got beyond sick the night of my last post and have been that way all weekend and had to raise up my dose a little. It is just now giving some relief, I can't believe how bad this shit screws you up if you cut too fast. Came off that last cut way too fast. At least I am still down to 2 mg even after raising it back up. I am sooooo regretting eating supper this evening, but I had to eat at some point. I just wish it would stay in!

So, I guess overall my weekend just blew... My mind feels like it is on vacation too.

kerri-anne, be careful and don't overdo. i hate moving! i can't imagine trying to move with a toddler and pregnant at the same time.(shudder!) i don't know how you feel about prayer, but i'll be praying for a timely, safe, and easy move for y'all. take care.

Yesterday was the first day of our new college year. Following a weekend of virtually no sleep I was shattered by the end of the working day. My colleagues even noticed how bad my shakes were.

Went to bed early, but only got 4 hours sleep, including nightmares, so not feeling great this morning. I did take some diazepam at 2am to help me get back to sleep, but it didn't work.

I'm trying really hard not to let the depression get a hold, cos I'm done for then (meaning that work will be near impossible). I'll be glad when teaching starts on Thursday, cos I won't have so much running around to do and I can concentrate just on teaching.

:drugs:

Thanks Nam, I've been thinking of you as well :)

Piglet, definatly don't let depression set in!
I'm just barely crawling out of that hole, and trust me you just don't want to have to go down that road!!!

You talk about being against sleeping pills, so if you are at the point where you are willing to take diazepam... well, I know your desperate for sleep.
My advice would be to get a script from your doctor for a good "incase" med that works for you, and you don't get side-effects.
You don't have to use this medication everynight (unless your doc insists for certain reasons),
I would suggest that you only use it the night before a big event, something that you absolutely need sleep for, and probally are going to be too anxious to sleep, take the pill 10 - 11 hours (minimum 9 hours) before you have to be up.
This way, you are still in control, and you get the rest you need.
Trust me I still remember my sleepless nights.... *shiver

So far my day has been busy,
In the middle of checking my email I lost internet connection,
at first I thought it was a problem with the cable company, but my TV still worked.
Totally threw off my day... it was like I was lost for awhile there.

Ended up replanting my banana tree into a bigger pot so it can grow.
Took major effort (and my back pain is getting intolerable) but it was long overdue.

Checked computer again, and now I have Internet,
thank goodness!
lol,
I'm a true geek @ heart :)

Take care all

I'm still kind of dumpy. Yesterday, my hub said I was ho-hum. Today he says, "You're in a dip." I hope that's all it is. So...what did I do today? I played computer games, read a book, and laid in bed. But...I did take a shower and swept the floor. Yesterday I slept much better and I hope the same for tonight. So with that, I hope the rest of you have peaceful, restful sleep tonight.

Wildfire, what you mention above about what you need to do in a day is not actually correct all the time. What you do now, you do to maintain yourself, or have been learning and performing to help maintain yourself. During times such as moving house, going away, etc etc, you need to prioritise a little better, to what you need to do vs. what you want to do.

Normally you wouldn't have this extra task of packing and moving, so your normal routine works for you, however; now you do have packing and moving, you need to cut back the non-essential events within your day.

Why? Well, if you try and maintain the same daily routine, then put another huge task like moving on top of that, all this bottles up to stress and anxiety, the exact thing your trying to counteract with relaxation, exercise, healthy diet, art, etc etc... It is not achievable to do a normal daily routine, plus add a huge task too the daily list. If it was a small task, like go to this shop or location to pickup an item, that is different, but the huge task of packing and moving is another.

If you have to pack for 4 hours a day for example, then you need to drop one or two daily activities, regardless whether they are for your relaxation, lose them and pack, then pick them back up again in a few days time once completed. Do the same during actually moving day and afterwards. Cater those days to suit, not try and maintain the move and routine... it only causes more stress and anxiety.

Veiled, you crack me up. You should write a book on your life, because the way you depict and describe your household goings on, would be the secret to the books success IMHO. Piss funny.... and even worse, I know what you mean with children on both ends of the age factors. DOH!

Well, I went up to Brisbane for the weekend to my brothers 40th... got smashed Saturday night at the party, which consequently took all of Sunday to recovery. Back on the plane Monday, and home mid stream moving. Moving company relocated our house goods yesterday in two truck loads, so that was pretty painless, and we had a valet service come in today and help us unpack some of the house, which so relieved some stress looking at all the boxes. Hopefully we should be all done by the end of the weekend, other house cleaned, this house totally unpacked. Fingers crossed and that is our aim at the moment. Next week should then be business as usual.

Going motorbike riding tomorrow actually... a present from fathers day, a day out motorbike riding through the mountains, enduro style. Looking forward to that one. I think I need the rest, as I am stuffed from the last few days already, let alone working 12 - 16 hr days friday, sat and sun to get both houses sorted out. Yeh....

Hello, I'm back. My last post was the typical end-of-the-world maudlin droning. I've had attacks of depression and flashbacks and suicidal screaming attacks, while everything is cranking up for the autumn. I've taken several of my emergency tablets which knock me out like a zombie.

Piglet, I find the autumn term daunting. It's so long, and the weather worsens and the days shorten. I know what you mean about succumbing to the demons and fearing that that's it 'I've had it'. I hope you can pull through.

Wildfirewildone, thanks for your thoughts. I know I make a habit of it, and it was wrong to just disappear for days. I can't just pick and choose psychodocs. In the NHS, you're lucky to get anything. The service is shockingly bad. Quality psychiatrists are rare. A lot of them blame you or get impatient when you still have the symptoms which don't fit their neat agendas. I can't go shopping for a doctor. I have to take what's there. I've just so sick of it after so many years.

As for therapy - I already had C.A.T. which is the latest trend. I'd never even heard of exposure therapy before coming on this site. I wouldn'y be able to have more therapy because I've had my ration. This is the absolute worst time of year for me anyway, I feel it's just too dangerous to contemplate. I just want someone to hug and feel connected to. I just want to be filled up with that feeling, because I've talked my arse off so much for so long and I haven't had any physical contact for more than ten years. I just have to find a way to cope over the next few months. Things are a lot better than before I was on the internet though. Thanks everyone for being out there. :redface: