purdy, i have been where you are. please step back and breathe! i care about you and what happens to you, even though you don't know me. Please be kind to yourself.i am sorry that you feel you have no one. i had no one growing up. my mother tried to kill me and abused me all my life, my father terrorized the whole family, my granfather sexually abused me when i was so little (3-6) none of us are here because we stumped our toe. please don't be upset with me because i have found a man that loves me now, and children that i managed to raise in spite of myself. i feel like i deserve that, and so do you. you have to heal before you can share your love again, and it is possible!
please im me if i can help you in any way, even just listening--i DO care.

Purdy, we cannot live our lives in the past, because if we did, the generation off the past would be the same now. We cannot go around hating humanity, even though humanity is not always the kindest to us, their are still kind and loving people within it, and while they exist, good prevails over evil. The trauma we have suffered we can either deal with it and heal ourselves to help humanity, or we can pity ourselves and go against humanity. Personal choice, everybody has the right to make their own decisions and direction.

Purdy, all we can do is try and help you, but you must want to help yourself. If you don't want to help yourself, then nothing we say, do or support you will make a difference. We have all been on the worst of humanity, because here we are with PTSD. Purdy, I have seen thousands of people slaughtered, culled, as though they just don't matter, and you know what? They didn't matter to the people and race that did this too them, however; they mattered to us, because we went and saved them from the very people who thought it was acceptable to decide for other humans what humanity should be. These people now live again, living how they want, without fear being culled or exterminated, because of their race or culture. Honestly, you don't need to tell me about humanity, because I have seen the worst off it in many many ways, but here I am, I made a decision that I was going to be on the good side, and not accept that humanity is bad, because its not.... just certain people are bad, the majority is good.

Getting better. Isn't it weird how I can't tell when I'm a bit off, but my husband can? He told me that I'm just a bit spacey today and you know, he's right. It's not like I'm thinking of bad things, I'm just thinking.... I know that I had a bout of depression for a while since all I did was sleep for the past few days. I had a just a short nap today and hopefully, tomorrow will be productive. One thing is for sure, I need to mow...my house is now the little house on the prairie.

Well after about 10 thousand panic attacks (and a couple shot of vodka)
I'm about to go out to an old friends B-Day.
It's at a Night Club (happens to be the club I used to work @ thank god, so at least I'm familar with the layout, etc.),

Right now I'm terrified and excited.
But, I've gotta push my fears out of my head, and just go...

TTYL

I hope you have a good time and be safe!

Thank veiled :)

I had a blast!
My temper sure shows when I'm drinking though... eek!
Ended up shoving probally 3 guys or so,
one of them ran their finger up along my skirt,

I thought about punching him out for about a minute,
then decided on a good shove, lol
He flew into the middle of his circle of friends, lol!!!!!!

My wonderful boyfriend picked me up ASAP as soon as I called,
I actually ended up having a nice time :)
Bahahahahah!

Good stuff YA... really good stuff. Do you notice something? You went out into a crowded place, drinking and drunk people surrounding you, you didn't fight, you thought things through, you haven't panicked and runaway!!! Interesting ha????

Way to go, YA. Way to keep you wits about you and think things through!

Me, well...I don't know what I would've done. Punch him, kick him where the sun don't shine, or just a simple whisper of "If you do it again..." I dunno...

Glad to hear you have a good time!

I'm gonna make another round of salsa today. It turns out I might have a knack for it, although I don't like to make it too hot or spicy (I could if someone wanted it that way). Lots of garlic, tomatoes, parsley, spices, onions, and whatever else I want to put into it at the time. Leave it sit for a few days in the fridge ... and voila! I have my dinner...LOL

Warren and I have torn the front half of the inside of our motor home apart....replacing the ceiling and walls...quite a job, but satisfaction when we saw the first ceiling panel go up (yesterday) and I'm betting quite a lot of satisfaction when it's all done. We have a trip coming up next weekend...driving 10 hours one way...so the stuff we tore up has to be done by then...actually has to be done by the end of today, as Warren leaves tomorrow for a 4-day business trip!

I moved from being depressed to being incredibly irritable. I'm amazed at the power and intensity of my anger. It scares me. And it's such little things! Spilled milk, lamp broken, too much noise, etc. Not hardly enough of a reason to throw stuff! Even with all this anger, I was able to remove the carpet from my bedroom to reveal the hardwood underneath. I pulled every staple. It was almost like therapy.

Nam, I know the feeling.. my therapy lately has been designing a sleeve(tattoo) for myself.... I am not sure if I will end up getting it or not, but the designing really helps me relax. I've been craving a tattoo lately, for those of you who have them you know they can be addicting. I have a few, but you would be able to tell be looking at me, they are mostly military related and remain covered most the time. I want to get a new one, sort of a military tribute type tattoo, I have this weird idea that it will help me cope with some of my feelings... Is that weird? plus I know this is going to sound disturbing, but I have been feeling so numb lately that I kinda dont mind the pain involved and almost looking forward to it.

I pulled up the carpet in my bed room not too long ago... pulling out all the staples frustrated the hell out of me.. .i think i had to walk away and come back to it later. It doesnt help that I live in a place the size of a cracker box and its hard to manuever furniture around.