I can only say well done to you all. Great days, great successes, excellent outcomes... life is moving forward all round. Excellent to see.

i'm having a crap day today. i've just had enough. It started off ok when i got up and during the first half of my appointment with my cpn. Then i changed, my mood got really low and it was hard to feel anything about anything, - distant, zero motivation to think let alone do something. i left the appointment feeling worse than when i went in, and my cpn commented on it too. whatever, i really don't care. so i went home and lay on my bed. felt better after that, then while watching tv just burst into tears for no reason. now, i just feel upset and out of control, my neighbours kareoke machine is driving me nuts, there is no reason to play it and sing so loud! just feel like giving up on everything completely, tired of trying to compete with everything life's crap! suppose i just have to wait it out until another mood swing comes along and makes it better.

My stupid body decided to throw a new memory at me while I was going 60 mph on way home from psychodoc's....kept my eyes on the dash stripes on left side and solid stripe on the right....got home....who is this one in my head....where is she???? wrote some in my diary....could not continue after a point though I remember more.... grab the blankie....bunnies...hit the sack....maybe she'll go away and leave me alone....burrow in........

Bad day, hell, bad week.

Some explaining. I have this guy that I tend to sleep with now and then. . . He is emotionally abusive (and has a gf). I've been saying no to him and actually getting more confident with it (OMG).
Last thursday I had had enough. I wasn't coping, kept having flashbacks. He turned up, saw the state I was in gave me a sleeper and took the rest of my pills and my razors off of me.
The next day when he bought them back. . . . I don't need to go into details.

Then Friday afternoon I ended up at mums. I was convinced to stay there, which to start out was fine, brother dearest wasn't there. He got in at midnight and then proceeded to wander around the house till 3 am. big suprise I didn't sleep.
Saturday I took my big dog (who lives at mums) to the vet and found out that the chances of his tumours not being cancerous is pretty low. Keeping in mind I keep having night mare memories, not even the sleeping pills stop them.
I spent the day out yesterday, when I got home I found a note from my flatty saying basically that she can't deal with my issues and can I please find some where else to live.
I was shattered cos my flatty was one of the only friends I have left in Townsville, and the only one that knows about the abuse I suffered from my brothers.

All in all, a really suckfull week. makes me want to end it.

A day of muscle spasms in my back kicking my ass all over the place, had to spend most of it on my back. Panic attacks galore, but at least they did not cycle out of control, was able to keep a grip. All expected but well worth it!! I am handling this way better than I expected after my venture out yesterday. OK, I was not able to stand long enough to cook or make a sandwhich, almost drove off the road in pain, cannot get up the stairs to shower and I feel like a vice grip is about to snap my lower back when I try to sit up... But it is still a good day as I remember how I coped out and about lastnight. Of course there would be a bit of a backlash, but I don't care because I did it! Just hope this backlash is short lived because I need to get my sweatry ass up the stairs at some point!!!

Debating getting the movie out again to play with my trigger more and see if it is beat or give myself a break, I probably should just take a break. I don't need to see if I can make this worse.

Sounds like you are all having a crap week........must be something going on in the universe 'cause me too!!

GR'ass, is there anyone else who you can perhaps chat too?

Veiled, progressing well from your posts but damn girl stop poking yourself so much. Little steps are good, big ones can go to custard real quick. You said it yourself 'you don't need to make this worse'.

Yes, giving it a break... Only two panic attacks since getting online and I can sit up! Mind and body need to adjust, and it will, then back at it again. Will probably take another medication cut and deal with withdrawls first before playing with my triggers again.

Not that I trust. I take so long to open up to people, and even then telling them how I feel and why I feel like that is torturous.
I've only just started opening up to another friend but still feel that I am not worth her attention.

GR'ass, I'm so sorry to hear how shitty your week was.
Sometimes it's when so many crappy things happen, it's easy to overlook the positive.

and you are worth your friends attention, don't ever tell yourself otherwise.

darkskies, ahhhh, the moodswings, how I hate those.
if you are anything like me, your mood will be different in 5 min or so.

WF and veiled, I absolutly hate (very strong word) panic attacks!
Today my 2 new roommates moved in.
My meds were on the floor beside one of them,
and I was getting panic attacks just thinking of asking him to "please pass me my anti-psychotic medication"
lol, I had to go upstairs and change into a huge hoodie because I felt like my shirt was strangling me...
Just kept reminding myself that I wasn't having breathing problems, I was having anxiety/panic attacks.
Plus I tried to distract myself.

Kerie-Ann, I hope this week is better :)
I know there's a lot going on in your life right now.
(just moved, living with PTSD/teens/etc., new baby on the way, the "fun" of pregnancy)
Make sure you are taking it easy until the baby comes.

Anthony, I know you have so much excellent advice to give,
but don't forget to tell us how YOUR day is going too


As for my day?
Had 2 people move into my house today.
Plus 2 people from my boyfriends work have stopped by and are hanging out all night.
And then to top it off my brother showed up with 2 of his friends...
So that's 7 people crowded in my living room, watching TV. (9 people including me and boyfriend)
I can't really leave because it would appear rude,
but it feels so tight in my chest and my stomach is doing flip-flops.

Time to restart my "nothings wrong, it's just anxiety" chant ... lol

Take care everyone
Y&A

You take care too... it is 3 30 AM here and I am waking up hubs to tell him he ain't going in tomorrow! Muscle spasms are kicking back in and I need to go lay flat and the attacks are still kicking me around. Whoo I hope this phase passes soon! The choking, hell I am in a low cut tank, I swear my skin is too tight on my neck, and the chest pressure... I am so convinced that one of these days I am going to have all my usual symptoms and brush them off doing my thing, and not know it was a heart attack until too late! Maybe I should go have my cholesterol checked... ha ha.